Are YOU self-sabotaging while dating? Psychologist reveals 6 signs including ignoring red flags

An expert has revealed six ways people may self-sabotage while dating, from ignoring red flags to believing you can change a person to make them fit your needs.

Dr Lalitaa Suglani, a chartered psychologist based in Birmingham, shared the information in a post on Instagram, where she has some 100,000 followers. 

In the post, she said that sometimes ‘the only thing standing between us and a happier relationship is ourselves’. 

Dr Lalitaa added that while we often see self-sabotage as something negative, and it can make us feel frustrated with ourselves, it’s important to understand that it is ‘our mind’s way of attempting to protect us from experiencing emotional pain’.

She wrote: ‘Self sabotage…can come from a place of fear…As a result, we subconsciously orchestrate scenarios to prevent this familiar type of relationship distress. 

‘To manage these behaviours it is important for us to understand where it comes from and each of us will have a different reasons as we are all different. 

‘We can learn so much from our behaviours.’

According to the psychologist, the desire to self-sabotage ‘can also be linked to our attachment style’. 

This means that ‘people can often self-sabotage relationships subconsciously by repeating the relational patterns that we learned as children’. 

She explained: ‘We repeat behaviours over and over again because this cycle is familiar and what we know – this does not mean we cannot change this way of relating with others.’

Dr Lalitaa went on to list six ways people may self-sabotage while dating. 

These include projecting qualities you think the other person may find attractive, rather than being honest, as well as not seeing the other person for who they are, but rather who you want them to be.

Another way people self-sabotage is by ignoring red flags or making excuses for the behaviour of the person they are dating.

Additionally, people may believe they can change the other person to suit their needs, or ‘fix’ them.

Another point Dr Lalitaa shared was not communicating or being honest about your wants and needs when it comes to relationships.

Finally, she said that agreeing to go at the pace of the other person when you feel different, and not expressing this, can be a way of self-sabotaging while dating.

The psychologist noted that there is something people can do to address potentially worrisome behaviours while dating.

She wrote: ‘Therapy can serve as a powerful vehicle to help you learn to trust yourself, raise awareness levels and make different decisions while out in the dating world.’