Baby blues mother reveals becoming a Netmums worker healed her

A woman who suffered severe post-natal depression after experiencing several miscarriages has turned her life and is using her experiences to support other mothers.

Karen Cannon, 40, from Worcester, was left feeling so low, at times she was unable to function and thought about walking out on her husband, 40, and their two children, one of which was a newborn at the time.

In 2013, she miscarried her second baby 11 weeks into the pregnancy and – as she struggled with depression – she was dealt another blow when she fell pregnant with triplets a year later, but lost two of the babies. 

After the birth of her second child who was born with jaundice and a dairy allergy, she went into a dark place. 

‘I felt so isolated I even dreamed of just walking out, leaving them all and disappearing,’ Karen told Femail.

But with the support of her family and the help of hypnotherapy, Karen, has figured out a life balance which keeps her feeling positive, and is now sharing it with other mothers online.

The mother-of-two works part-time for the parenting site Netmums, where she provides support for women in similar situations, showing them that mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of. 

  

Karen Cannon, 40, from Worcester, who suffered from post-natal depression after experiencing miscarriages, turned her life around by becoming a support worker for Netmums (seen with daughter youngest in 2014)

She said: ‘I don’t feel ashamed or the need to hide how unwell I can be, it’s my reality and it’s an illness like any other. 

‘I feel proud of how hard I have worked to get better and stay well, I feel so passionate about helping others who experience mental health issues. 

‘And I feel so good about how I can show the world and my two daughters that living with mental health issues is okay and nothing to be ashamed of or hold you back from living your best life.’ 

Karen says it was the pressure of trying to becoming a second-time parent, coupled with the heartbreak of losing an unborn child that sparked her depression.

Karen sought out holistic fertility treatment – hypnotherapy and reflexology – and  was delighted to discover she was pregnant with triplets, even though she found at 12 weeks only one baby had survived.

‘However, I was so very grateful for her little life growing inside of me and focused a lot on that, we also were in the process of moving house so I had a lot to keep me busy.’ 

With the help of her family and hypnotherapy, Karen has figured out a life balance which keeps her feeling positive, and is now sharing it with other mothers online (seen working for Netmums in 2018)

With the help of her family and hypnotherapy, Karen has figured out a life balance which keeps her feeling positive, and is now sharing it with other mothers online (seen working for Netmums in 2018)

But the strain of moving house while heavily pregnant began to add up, and suffering a complicated  final term Karen ended up giving birth five weeks early.    

The early birth meant that Karen’s second daughter had jaundice, and she was forced to stay in hospital while her husband moved their family home along with juggling his own business.

Karen started to fall back into ‘a dark place’ as she juggled a new house, a pre-schooler and a baby who was constantly sick. 

Karen seen in August 2014 when was pregnant with her second daughter and her first daughter was almost 4yo, - taken 8 days before I went into premature labour at 35 weeks

Karen seen in August 2014 when was pregnant with her second daughter and her first daughter was almost 4yo, – taken 8 days before I went into premature labour at 35 weeks

Karen seen two hours after giving birth to her second daughter in August 2014

Karen seen two hours after giving birth to her second daughter in August 2014

She explained: ‘The period after my second daughter was born is probably the worst experience I’ve had with depression, and also suffered with anxiety for the first time too,’ she revealed. 

‘I felt lost, trapped and distant. The feelings of being out of control of my life were overwhelming.’

Karen began to feel as though she was losing her identity, and struggled to adapt to looking after two young children- one of which suffered with dairy intolerances. 

‘There were times when I didn’t want to take care of myself, I had no lust for life and lost touch with who I was as a woman,’ she admitted.

Karen seen with her second daughter in August 2015 celebrating her 1st Birthday

Karen seen with her second daughter in August 2015 celebrating her 1st Birthday

‘It felt a struggle to look after two children and because of my daughter’s allergies I gave up dairy so I could breastfeed her. On one hand it made feel like I was doing something so great for her but I also resented it because only I could really feed her.

‘She was such a clingy baby and would only go to my husband. But he was having to work a lot and I along with looking after my four-year-old I felt so isolated I even dreamed of just walking out, leaving them all and disappearing.’

However with the help of her supportive husband, her mother and her postnatal depression worker Karen battled through it.  

How Karen supports other mothers

Some mothers have simple questions such as housing entitlements while others have more complex issues, such as mental health problems or abusive relationships.

Karen works with the mother to get her the help she needs to change her situaton, replying with advice and guidance, and pointing out online and real-life support she can access.

If someone is in severe danger or crisis she may need to speak to their local emergency services.

Recently she helped a pregnant woman who was suicidal at the thought of a vaginal birth due to trauma and sexual abuse in her past.

Karen and her colleagues were bale to put her in touch with the organisations who could help and support her, as well as reassuring her that her feelings were important and valid.

She followed up on the advice and was referred to a different consultant who listened to her concerns and arranged for a C-section, as well as being fast-tracked to the perinatal mental health team for support. 

‘My health visitor was such an amazing support and referred me to my local children’s centre. I had a specialist PND (postnatal depression) worker who visited me at home and helped me to work through how I was feeling and make a plan to help me get better. 

‘She spent a lot of time helping me to unpick my feelings, understand why I had them and put things in place to help me manage those dark thoughts and feelings.’

Along with relying on her mother for support on how to be a parent, Karen credits her husband for his constant reassurance, despite her hostility towards him.  

‘He helped to pull me through by doing simple things like making sure I still ate, taking me out to get some fresh air, giving me time without either of the girls and planning things to cheer me up,’ she said.  

'I feel so good about how I can show the world and my two daughters that living with mental health issues is okay and nothing to be ashamed of or hold you back from living your best life.' (seen at the height of her depression, with her youngest daughter in 2014)

‘I feel so good about how I can show the world and my two daughters that living with mental health issues is okay and nothing to be ashamed of or hold you back from living your best life.’ (seen at the height of her depression, with her youngest daughter in 2014)

Once her mental health started to improve, Karen decided to go back to work, picking up her role as Support Worker at online parenting forum site Netmums.

The routine of being out of the house, along with the personal fulfillment of being able to advise other mothers experiencing similar feelings turned her life around.  

Karen works for Netmums two days a week, monitoring their post-natal and mental health boards as well as answering queries to do with domestic abuse. 

‘Although I don’t disclose my personal details when supporting mums on the board I strongly believe that the adversity I have gone through in my own parenting journey gives me a different perspective when replying with advice and guidance,’ she said. 

‘Sometimes I can see my own experiences in the stories they tell us in their threads and having the insight that I do enables me to put myself in their shoes and reflect that in the advice and help I give.

And along with her job, Karen ensures she and her husband take regular time out for themselves, going for regular mini breaks and breaking up their daily routine.

The mother-of-two works part-time for the parenting site, provides support for women in similar situations, and looks out for warning signs on discussion forums (seen with her seven-year-old and three-year-old daughter in 2017)

The mother-of-two works part-time for the parenting site, provides support for women in similar situations, and looks out for warning signs on discussion forums (seen with her seven-year-old and three-year-old daughter in 2017)

Netmums is celebrating ten years of its unique Parent Supporter Service with the launch of a new #MumsMatter manifesto during their Parent Support Week beginning 5th March 2018. 

What is post-natal depression

WHAT IS POST-NATAL DEPRESSION?

Postnatal depression is caused by a combination of hormones and the psychological and environmental changes brought by birth. It can persist for weeks, leaving the sufferer with a persistent feeling of tiredness, lethargy, loss of appetite and difficulty sleeping.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS?

Mood swings after birth

The emotions experienced by a new mother can be complicated. Postnatal, or postpartum, depression affects about 13 per cent of all new mothers. According to the Institute of Psychiatry in London it also affects around seven per cent of fathers who, while not suffering from the raging hormones of a new mother, can experience feelings of anxiety and panic.

Almost all mothers, regardless of whether they suffer PND, will experience mood fluctuations. Your post-labour exhaustion will compound the confusion you feel on becoming a parent.

Often mothers feel on a high for the first few days after birth, as the excitement of a new baby coupled with all the celebrations and congratulations makes them euphoric. This high is likely to crash after a few days, as the reality of sleepless nights and constant demands sets in.

Many mothers feel a loss of identity, as all attention turns away from them towards the child. You can feel like a mere incubator who has lost an individual personality. Your personality nurtured over decades becomes subservient to one that is only a few days old.

Relations between you and your partner might become strained under the responsibility and the non-stop demands.

HOW CAN YOU TREAT IT?  

There are measures that doctors can take in order to accelerate recovery. Talk first to your health worker, GP or doctor.

Your GP might refer you to a counsellor or psychologist. This allows you to talk through your problems and possibly solve them. Trying to build up social contacts, either through your family or through mother and baby groups, can also alleviate your feelings of isolation and anxiety.

Some parts of the UK are covered by a screening programme which aims to identify women who may be showing the first signs of postnatal depression.

USEFUL CONTACTS 

Association for Postnatal Illness 

National Childbirth Trust 

Gingerbread (for single parents)

SANE  



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