Amanda Holden has spoken candidly about the heartbreaking stillbirth of her baby son.
The Britain’s Got Talent star, 47, lost her beloved son Theo seven months into her pregnancy in February 2011.
She discussed the devastating impact of the tragedy in a new interview with ITV’s Tonight programme to mark the 70th anniversary of the NHS.
Emotional: Amanda Holden told ITV’s Tonight about the heartbreaking stillbirth of her baby son Theo, who passed away seven months into her pregnancy in 2011
Amanda was fast approaching her due date with her son when she was given the devastating news that Theo’s heart had stopped beating.
A year before, she had miscarried a little boy at 16 weeks. In an interview about that time, she said: ‘It was without doubt the blackest period of my life.
‘I have such a charmed and lovely life and I just never imagined I would miscarry a baby. Never. You never think it might happen to you.’
The actress, who has two daughters with husband Chris Hughes, Alexa, also known as Lexi, 12, and Hollie, six, said their baby boy would never be forgotten.
Family first: Amanda shares daughters Alexa, 12, and Hollie, six, with husband Chris Hughes – she thanked the NHS for their work for a programme which marked the organisation’s 70th anniversary
Agonising moments: On the moment she discovered her baby boy had died, Amanda broke down in tears as she relived the moment
She said: ‘I’ll literally do anything for the National Health Service because they got me through it, they got Chris through it and I now thankfully have two healthy girls and a little boy who is still part of the family but just not here.’
On the moment she discovered her baby boy had died, Amanda broke down in tears as she relived the moment saying:
‘I just remember hearing this woman just screaming and screaming and then it was actually — it was me, I realised it was me that was screaming.
Reflecting on the last time she saw Theo, she said: ‘He looked so normal and so peaceful. I held him in my arms and I said goodbye, basically.’
Heartbreaking: The star admitted that the months after losing Theo were ‘horrific’ but that she desperately wanted to have a sibling for daughter Lexi
The star admitted that the months after losing Theo were ‘horrific’ but that she desperately wanted to have a sibling for daughter Lexi.
She said all the way through her pregnancy she feared the worst would happen.
Amanda went on to welcome daughter Hollie in 2012, but revealed she ‘came close to death’ after the birth with Hollie arriving one month earlier and the TV personality suffering a huge loss of blood and spending three days in intensive care in a coma.
Honest account: The actress, who is married to record producer Chris Hughes, said their baby boy would never be forgotten
In 2013, Amanda bravely spoke about her tragic ordeal in her autobiography.
She said: ‘To this day, anyone watching the 2010 series of Britain’s Got Talent – won by Spellbound – wouldn’t know anything was wrong, except perhaps that I may have cried a few more tears than usual. Inside, though, I was a wreck.
‘At Easter, when I was 16 weeks pregnant, I had miscarried a baby – a little boy – and my grief was overwhelming. I was drinking. A lot. Aware that I was almost 40, I desperately didn’t want my daughter Lexi to be an only child. For me, having another child was a priority. But nothing could have prepared me for the sadness, and very nearly the tragedy, that lay ahead.
‘That summer, while we were at our home in Los Angeles, I realised I was pregnant again. If everything worked out OK, then our baby would be born in February 2011.
‘On February 1, I had a lie-in while my husband Chris did the school run. I woke and decided to have a bath. It wasn’t until about an hour later that I realised I hadn’t felt the baby kicking in a while.
‘Because he was normally so active, it was strange, but I wasn’t initially panicked.
She continued: ‘I clearly remember thinking I should pop to West Middlesex Hospital for a quick ultrasound scan. I drove myself to hospital and didn’t worry Chris by calling him at work. My friend and midwife Jackie met me in the car park.
‘In a little private room she put the gel on my bump for the ultrasound. Looking back, I realised she’d faced the screen towards her, not to me as usual, to be cautious. She felt around and moved the scanner several times before very calmly saying: “Sometimes this happens. I’m going to fetch someone else to have a go.”
‘Coincidentally, the leading obstetrician was passing and she scanned me again. Then she turned to me and said: “I’m terribly sorry, Amanda, but the baby’s heart is not beating. He’s gone.”
Amanda’s first thought was for the rest of her family: ‘”What can I say to Lexi? What can I say to Lexi?” It was all I could think about. Jackie held me tight as I started to thrash about and punch the bed I was now standing by.
‘”Where’s Chris?” she asked me. “We need to call Chris.”
‘Oh my God. My poor darling husband was somewhere in London in ignorant bliss. Suddenly, stupidly, I thought he would blame me. It had to be my fault, right? Everything came tumbling down.
‘We rang him and I said as calmly as I could: “Darling, you have to come to the hospital. I am so, so sorry but the baby’s heart has stopped beating.” Chris started asking questions about why it had happened or what could have caused it. No one had answers for us and, all too soon, the obstetrician came into the room to bring us back to the gruesome world of reality.
But there was still more to come: ‘”Amanda, you have to think how you want baby to be delivered,” she said. “I am advising you that a natural delivery is best.” With all that had happened I hadn’t considered giving birth. But I wanted it to be a caesarean.
‘When my baby was finally delivered they laid him in my arms as my tears flowed over him. His little face and body were perfect. He was nearly 3lb in weight (which is totally viable, and bigger than most premature babies) and felt like a young cat in my arms.’
Devoted: The star admitted that the months after losing Theo were ‘horrific’ but that she desperately wanted to have a sibling for daughter Alexa, known as Lexi, now 12
Sad times: ‘When my baby was finally delivered they laid him in my arms as my tears flowed over him. His little face and body were perfect. He was nearly 3lb in weight (which is totally viable, and bigger than most premature babies) and felt like a young cat in my arms’
Amanda revealed that she pretended to be on the pill but was desperate to get pregnant again.
Her pregnancy with Hollie was smooth-sailing but after she was born, her placenta had attached itself to her bladder.
She said: ‘When they lifted it out, it snagged a large artery and ruptured it. I had hemorrhaged and was bleeding to death and she flatlined for 40 seconds.
‘I had 26 pints in three transfusions as they practically threw it into me…
‘They finally stitched me up and took me to the high dependency unit, where I remained in a coma under general anaesthetic for another three days.’
Amanda previously told Essentials Magazine: ‘If I could, I would have more kids, but I can’t put my family through that again.
Chris and I were talking about this the other day, saying how if we’d met earlier we’d have had more kids, but that you end up with the ones you’re meant to have.
‘We’re incredibly lucky to have our girls.’
The NHS Saved My Life – Tonight is on ITV at 7.30pm this evening
The Sands Helpline is for anyone who has been affected by the death of a baby and wants to talk to someone. 0808 164 3332/ helpline@sands.org.uk
Devastating: Amanda revealed that she pretended to be on the pill but was desperate to get pregnant again
Candid: The star was giving an honest account of her heartbreaking ordeal