YouTuber Brittani Boren Leach revealed on Saturday that she buried her three-month-old son in a gown made from her wedding dress following his sudden death over the holidays.
‘Oh how I wish this picture was taken today, I would give anything just to hold him this close again,’ Leach wrote in the caption of a sweet photo that shows her holding Crew.
‘Those of you who were following me before and “knew” Crew, knew he lived in this wrap. It was his favorite place to be.
‘We buried him dressed in a gown made from my wedding dress, with a small favorite toy from each of his siblings, and this striped wrap placed snugly over him. I figured, who is better to carry him until I get there, than Jesus,’ Leach said.
She continued: ‘If I could say one thing to you, here it is. Take all the pictures. Forget the laundry. Forget the dishes. It really doesn’t matter. Just love your babies. Breathe in their scent. Memorize their smile. And love them really really hard.’
The mom vlogger, 29, who has three other sons and a stepdaughter with her husband Jeff, held a funeral for Crew last week.
YouTuber Brittani Boren Leach revealed on Saturday that she buried her three-month-old son, Crew, in a gown made from her wedding dress following his sudden death over the holidays. She shared this photo of her holding Crew
‘We buried him dressed in a gown made from my wedding dress, with a small favorite toy from each of his siblings, and this striped wrap placed snugly over him,’ Leach said
The mom vlogger, 29, who has three other sons and a stepdaughter with her husband Jeff, held a funeral (Crew’s coffin) for Crew last week
‘We laid our sweet baby boy to rest today, and a part of me went with him. During his memorial, Carter reached over and grabbed my hand. Then Cooper laid his hand on ours and then Sydney laid hers on top. I’m so so proud of them.
‘We will always feel like we are missing a piece of our family, because we are. And until we get to Heaven, I know he’s smiling, laughing and playing at the feet of Jesus,’ she wrote in the caption of an Instagram post.
‘I just wish he was here instead,’ Leach wrote, adding that her family ‘laid a tiny blue cape with a “C” on it over his casket to celebrate our little Hero Crew’.
Leach announced the devastating news of little Crew’s death on her Instagram page on December 30.
At the time, she shared a series of heartbreaking images alongside her tiny son in the hospital.
It is not known exactly what caused Crew to become unresponsive but Leach explained he was found not breathing at a relative’s house on Christmas Day.
She told fans the family had decided to donate his organs, adding: ‘The pain is unbearable. I keep thinking that I will wake up from this nightmare, but I don’t.’
Brittani said: ‘We are living a nightmare, and I’m dying inside. This can’t be real.’
She was also forced to hit back at trolls who questioned her intentions in the wake of the tragedy.
Leach said: ‘Please keep in mind that we can see your comments, questions and conversations with one another. Put yourself in our shoes(which is impossible to do) and ask yourself If you’d want to read what you’re about to write or say.’
Leach shared a series of heartbreaking images alongside her tiny son in hospital leading up to his death in December
It is not known exactly what caused Crew to become unresponsive but Leach explained he was found not breathing at a relative’s house on Christmas Day
The YouTuber reportedly hit back at one follower who asked ‘is it real?’, replying: ‘If you haven’t been in my shoes, consider yourself blessed, and go watch TV because this is MY real life.’
Thanking those who have already offered support Leach’s husband Jeff wrote on Facebook: ‘Unfortunately, there are also people out there who do not have pure intentions when they follow or comment on our family. Only they can explain their motivations.
‘The last few days have been a nightmare for our family. We love our son with all our heart. We didn’t ask for this. We don’t expect anything from anyone. We are not prepared for the attention we are receiving.’
Leach, who is based in Texas, had first told her 736,000 followers on Instagram that Crew had fallen ill on December 26.
Sharing a picture holding his tiny hand she wrote: ‘While at a relative’s house last night, Crew laid down for a nap and when I went to check on him, he was not breathing.’
Her next post showed the YouTube star crying as she tended to the youngster, explaining he was on a ventilator.
Leach, who vlogs about being a mother, wrote: ‘I can’t explain to you what this feels like. This kind of thing only happens to “other” people. Not me. I just want to crawl in bed with my baby and nurse him.
‘Please continue to pray. Please. I don’t think I can go on without him.’
‘I keep thinking that I will wake up from this nightmare, but I don’t’, Leach wrote
Calling the pain ‘unbearable’ Leach (pictured) said her baby son fell ill on Christmas Day
Leach with her husband Jeff, their four sons and her stepdaughter on Christmas Day
Leach vlogs about being a mom. She is pictured pregnant with Crew, left, and with her son
On December 27 she announced: ‘Crew’s tiny earthly body is still with us, although I know he’s already dancing and playing in Heaven. We have some hard decisions to make over the next 12 hours, that no parent should ever have to make.
‘I keep thinking that I will wake up from this nightmare, but I don’t.’
A heartbreaking image showed Brittani and her husband Jeff with baby Crew.
She added: ‘It’s all just too much. All of it. I know God has a plan for this, but I’m really really mad at him right now.
‘I cry behind the bathroom door while Jeff holds me, because in the room over everyone else gets to laugh and go on with their lives, and it makes me so angry.
‘Running tests on my sons body to see how his organs are functioning before they take them. Pumping breastmilk just to pour it down the drain. Hearing a baby cry. Seeing a baby his age. Shopping Nordstrom for the dress I’ll wear to my son’s funeral.
‘It’s all too much. I’m sorry to vent, but this is my heart. And I need all the prayers to get through this.’
Crew was then given an ‘honor walk’ Leach said before his organs were donated to ‘potentially save 3 to 4 babies lives’.
Granger Smith’s wife Amber wrote to Leach to say: ‘I know your fear and your anger and shock.’
The couple lost their three-year-old son River to a drowning accident at the family’s Texas home in June 2019.
Leach had earlier shared images from wishing followers a Merry Christmas from her ‘very loud, crazy, and beautiful blended family’.
A touching image showed Crew surrounded by his siblings and parents.
A GoFundMe page set up to help the family raised more than $122,000.