A woman, who battled eating disorders for 12 years that saw her shun social events to avoid eating, has finally stopped dieting and started enjoying her life.
Fitness instructor and eating disorder recovery coach, Rini Frey, 28, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, went on her first diet when she was 15 years old but it spiraled when she did a water and juice cleanse two years later.
Following the cleanse, Rini desperately tried to maintain her weight loss and developed a fear of food.
Living her life: Rini Frey, 28, has finally started to enjoy her life after battling eating disorders for 12 years
Spiraled: Her eating disorder began when she went on her first diet at the age of 15
She said: ‘My eating disorder started as an innocent diet that I found in some magazine when I was 15 years old. It didn’t get too serious until I did a water and juice cleanse at age 17.’
‘This morphed into full blown anorexia pretty fast as I was desperately trying to keep the weight off from doing the cleanse. It became way more about self control than it did about food. I feared food and what I thought it could do to my body.’
At the height of her suffering, Rini’s only hobbies were the gym and prepping her food, she isolated herself and was diagnosed with bulimia but also suffered from anorexia, binge eating disorder and orthorexia, an obsession with eating foods that one considers healthy.
Rini would train six times a week and would mostly only allow herself to eat six foods; – chicken breast, broccoli, green beans, egg whites, protein powder and oatmeal.
Isolated: Rini would even go so far as to avoid social events so she wouldn’t have to be around food
Miserable: Rini said she felt so unhappy because her mind was so preoccupied with food
‘I felt miserable. I can count the moments I felt truly happy in my early twenties on two hands. My mind was preoccupied with food, numbers and calories. All day I was calculating, trying to be perfect and not ‘give in to temptations,’ she said.
‘I was completely isolated, had no social life or hobbies aside from the gym and my meal prep. I was anxious most of the time and my mood swings were out of control. I could start the day on a positive note only to be crying hysterically half an hour later. Looking back, I feel so sad for the life I used to live.’
At 100lbs and a size zero, Rini’s turning point came just after her wedding in 2016 when she dieted the most she had ever dieted before and she decided she didn’t want to live that life anymore.
And since then, she hasn’t weighed herself for a year but estimates she weighs around 145lbs and is a size six or eight. But most importantly, she can enjoy spending time with her family and friends without worrying about her calorie intake.
Anorexia: She was diagnosed with anorexia because she constantly tried to not gain weight
Rock bottom: She hit her lowest point after her wedding and realized she didn’t want to live this way anymore
She said: ‘I hit rock bottom after my wedding in October 2016. I had dieted harder than ever for the wedding and just hit a point, where I realized that I can’t take this anymore.’
‘The obsession, the perfectionist mindset, cancelling plans with friends and loved ones for the fear of food. I wanted to be free and I was finally ready to do everything in my power to get there.’
Overcoming her eating disorders has changed everything for Rini but she has learned to love and embrace life and herself for who she is.
‘I wouldn’t say that my life is perfect now, it’s the exact opposite. But life is supposed to be messy and I have embraced that,’ she said.
‘I am happily making plans with friends and family and I am able to be completely present with them, without spending a single second thinking about the food we may or may not eat and how I can find an excuse to not eat with them.’
Happy: Now she is making plans with friends and and family and able to be completely present with them
Acceptance: Rini said that every day recovery gets easier because she is embracing who she is
‘I am moving my body out of joy and gratitude instead of obsessively logging my workouts for certain aesthetic results. Moving is a huge part of my life but it is wonderful to just go with the flow and not make myself work out in the gym every day.’
Rini said that it’s getting easier every day she’s in recovery and that she accepting ‘who I am and embracing myself as I am, instead of trying to fit into a mold of perfection. Life is good’.
And her lifestyle change has also positively impacted her husband as well.
‘My husband still says that it’s so nice to be able to just go traveling or go out to dinner without me having a mental breakdown if I couldn’t eat my pre-cooked meals,’ Rini said.
But getting to that point wasn’t easy as Rini still had difficult letting go of control.
Positive impact: Rini’s husband even loves the new her because it’s nice for them to go out and enjoy a nice meal
No more control: At first, it was hard for Rini to give up control but she has made great strides during her journey
‘Two things were very difficult for me – stopping to track my meals and introducing foods back into my diet that I hadn’t eaten in years. It was terrifying to give up control around food and learn to listen to my body’s hunger and fullness signals again. It was a long journey,’ she said.
‘Accepting the changes my body went through especially in the beginning. The body image part took me the longest to recover from and I believe I still have a little bit of a distorted body image but I know in my heart that I am enough just as I am.’
Rini now enjoys experimenting in the kitchen and testing out recipes that she denied herself of before and is keen to spread the message that you don’t have to ‘look sick’ to be struggling with an eating disorder and shared her advice to others.
‘The advice I would give is that you probably know in your heart that something is off, even if you are not ready to pursue recovery. Picture your life ten, twenty or even fifty years from now and visualize how far you can come,’ she added.
A new life: Rini said her recovery has been the most ‘rewarding thing I have ever done for my own happiness’
Her message: Rini wants people to know that life is too short to spend it thinking about food
‘You will be able to look back at your life and see happy memories, time spent with loved ones, laughter and love, instead of looking back and seeing someone who was obsessed with food and their body for the better part of their lives.’
Rini encourages those struggling to reach out for help because everyone deserves support.
She said: ‘Reach out. There is so much help around and even if you feel like you don’t look sick enough – you deserve freedom and you deserve support.’
‘It took me opening up to one single person, my husband, and it all snowballed from there. Now I can’t shut up about it.’
‘The message I want to convey is that life is too short to spend it measuring out chicken breast and vegetables and spending your days at the gym. There is so much out there to enjoy and we only get this one life.’
‘Recovery has been the most difficult yet the most rewarding thing I have ever done for my own happiness.’