CRAIG BROWN: Who’s that hiding behind Kim Jong-un? 40 places no one would ever think of looking

1. In the section of Melania Trump’s wardrobe marked ‘Cheap and Cheerful’.

2. In Jeremy Corbyn’s filing cabinet marked under F for ‘Future appointments’.

3. Behind the third amp on the left at the Rees-Mogg family disco.

4. Beneath the exercise bike in Tory MP Mark Francois’ home gymnasium.

5. In the self-help section of Ann Widdecombe’s library, tucked between the volumes How To Cope With Shyness and The Art Of Understatement.

6. In the overflow room at the next UKIP annual conference.

7. Performing live on the 6.30pm comedy slot on Radio 4. 

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un pictured inspecting a launching drill of the medium-and-long range strategic ballistic rocket Hwasong-12

8. Beneath the welcome mat by John Cleese’s front door.

9. Playing Scrabble with the cast of Love Island.

10. In the acceptance box for Sir Philip Green’s next celebrity ball.

11. In the queue for the next Pitch@Palace.

12. Quietly browsing through dusty old volumes in the London Library with Gordon Ramsay.

13. With Lady Gaga and Anna Wintour in the Come-As-You-Are ‘Slacks and Loafers’ room at the Annual Met Gala Ball.

14. Relaxing over a friendly round of Monopoly with Liam and Noel Gallagher.

15. At the Annual Heather Mills Fan Club Convention.

16. Sharing a laugh and a sing-song with Iain Duncan-Smith and John Redwood over a couple of pints of best bitter in the public bar of The Old Bull And Bush.

17. Nestled in Vladimir Putin’s book of the World’s Funniest Knock-Knock Jokes.

18. At Harvey Nichols, in the anorak department.

19. Beneath Diane Abbott’s pocket calculator.

20. In the conga line at the Old Brexiteers’ Reunion Ball, squeezed between Annunziata Rees-Mogg and Nigel Farage. 

21. In the in-tray of Jeremy Kyle’s agent.

22. Alongside Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus by Ludwig Wittgenstein in Donald Trump’s Presidential Library.

23. Squeezed between the pages of Katie Price’s new book, 100 Great Money-Saving Tips.

24. Enjoying a friendly word with Andrew Neil.

25. Nestling between Burke’s Peerage and Debrett’s Handbook in John McDonnell’s library. 

26. Enjoying a knees-up at the local Neighbourhood Watch Christmas get-together for Robbie Williams and Jimmy Page.

27. At Philip and Theresa May’s next Guns N’ Roses karaoke night.

28. Discussing a major new drama which doesn’t open with the kidnap of a child or a naked female cadaver on a mortuary slab with the head of drama at the BBC.

29. Lurking beneath a pile of old clothes and knicknacks, just beyond the discarded fridge, the broken umbrella, the punctured tyre, the moth-eaten stuffed owl, the selection of keys to unknown drawers, the empty milk canister, the 1996 Noel’s House Party Christmas Annual, the toy rabbit without its stuffing, the empty packet of jaffa cakes and the kettle that last worked five years ago at the back of Marie Kondo’s garage.

30. In Dominic Cummings’ wardrobe, crouched between the dinner jacket and the cummerbund.

31. On the set of EastEnders, sitting in the gag-writer’s chair.

32. Competing in the apple dunking competition at Arlene Foster’s vicars and tarts night at the DUP annual conference.

33. Beside Mick Jagger’s pipe and slippers, just behind his cardigan with the leather patches on the shoulders.

34. In Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby’s swearbox.

35. Finding a bit of peace and quiet by attending a spiritual retreat at a monastery with the Kardashian family.

36. Tucking into a Ryvita and a refreshing glass of cranberry juice with Kim Jong-un.

37. Going for a spin in Greta Thunberg’s new Ferrari.

38. Getting Brexit done.

39. Sitting with all the other fact checkers in the Historical Accuracy Checkers’ room in the production offices of The Crown.

40. Running Andrew Neil through his cha-cha-cha routine on Strictly Come Dancing.