DEAR JANE: I killed my neighbor’s cat in a horrible accident and covered it up! Now she’s threatening awful revenge if she finds the killer…

Dear Jane,

I have a dark and embarrassing secret that I have to confess before it eats me alive.

A few weeks ago, I was running late for work. I jumped into my car and was speedily backing out my driveway when I heard a shriek, followed by a crunch. I immediately knew what had happened.

I’d run over and killed my neighbor’s cat!

That pesky animal always runs out into the road, so it was only a matter of time before this happened and, honestly, this could have happened to anyone. I don’t even really feel like it’s my fault but the thing is, I couldn’t tell my neighbors.

They are an adorable family that has grown very close to mine. They moved in five years ago and we both have young kids. 

Our daughters are in kindergarten together. The mom and I get coffee after school drop-off. We have cheese and wine nights with our husbands and play doubles together at the tennis club.

I hated the thought of telling my friend that I was the one who’d killed her precious pet. And, obviously, I couldn’t leave the dead cat on our driveway, so I used a shovel to scoop up the corpse and dumped it further down the road, staging it to look like some other unfortunate soul had done a hit-and-run.

Her kids are distraught. Apparently, they can’t stop crying and now my tennis partner is on a crusade to find out who ‘murdered’ her cat, saying she’s going to take legal action as soon as she finds out who is responsible. It’s all got so out of hand.

I am overcome with guilt. I haven’t even been able to tell my own family because I’m so ashamed.

I really want to make the situation right but surely it’s too late to come clean. Our relationship would never heal, and it would make the neighbor dynamic SO awkward.

I could even get in trouble with the law, for goodness sake!

Is there any way to make this right?

From,

Cat Killer

Dear Cat Killer,

I’m a little confused by the fact that you talk about being overcome with guilt – and yet near the start of your letter you say this was essentially an accident waiting to happen, that if it hadn’t been you it would have been someone else. 

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

You describe your neighbors as close friends and an adorable family, so I’m wondering where your compassion is after having killed, albeit accidentally, a beloved family pet whose death has left the children of your close friends distraught?

I think perhaps it’s time for you to take a look in the mirror and think about that, rather than ruminate on the potential legal trouble you might be in.

As to that legal action your neighbor threatens, she could indeed sue you if she has evidence that you were the killer.

Each state handles these things differently. But, to give you peace of mind, the worst outcome of a lawsuit would most likely be compensation for the replacement cost of the animal.

I’m not sure there is a perfect way to make this right. But whenever I am presented with a dilemma such as this one, I think the correct answer is to find a solution that causes the least harm to all concerned.

Confessing may alleviate your guilt, but it will also likely blow up not only your friendship with your neighbor, but also the friendships between your respective children.

Rather than a confession, you might think of ways to ease their pain, perhaps even, when the time is right, surprising them with a new kitten as a way to help heal their hearts.

Dear Jane,

I’m facing a moral dilemma at work.

I recently started at a new job – it’s my first proper employment since graduating from college and it’s in-person at the office, five days a week.

The very first day in the office I noticed a truly awful stench – I’m talking B.O. to the max!

It didn’t take long for me to figure out where the smell was coming from, because every time I walked by a certain desk the pong became extremely strong.

The desk belongs to one of my female co-workers who works in the same department as me.

She’s a sweet lady, probably in her 40s and fairly normal-looking. As far as I can tell, she’s single and doesn’t have any children.

I’ve only spoken to her a handful of times, but during each conversation I’ve noticed that her breath always stinks as well – and her hair is usually very oily.

The saddest part is that other people in the office have definitely noticed – it would be almost impossible not to.

People often laugh when her name is brought up. I saw one guy performatively pinch his nose when he walked behind her desk. And I’ve even heard people make mean comments about how ‘gross’ she is.

I can’t tell my coworkers to stop – especially because I only just started and I don’t want to ruffle any feathers.

And I also barely know the woman. 

But do I have some sort of responsibility to tell her about the smell, woman to woman? To check if she’s ok? I’ve read that people with depression often don’t maintain proper hygiene.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated,

From,

Deodorant Advocate

Dear Deodorant Advocate,

I’m not sure it is your responsibility to tell this poor woman about her terrible hygiene, even if you have the very best of intentions.

You are not friends, nor confidantes. You say you barely know each other, and whilst you may want to help, I cannot imagine anyone taking such intimate information well from a virtual stranger.

Better I think, if the smell is truly infiltrating the workplace, and if this is indeed an issue that others in the office are talking about, take it to HR. 

They are the ones well-versed in dealing with sensitive issues. If needed, it may be wise to ask some of your colleagues to join you in bringing this up with office managment. And make sure, too, to ask that your names be kept anonymous.

You know this already, but this isn’t about pointing the finger or trying to shame someone for their poor hygiene, rather the aim here is to help solve the root problem causing the stench.