DEAR JANE: My roommate has REALLY loud sex with her boyfriend all day long – she won’t shut up even though our neighbors keep complaining

  • In her latest agony aunt column, best-selling author Jane Green shares advice with a woman who is mortified by her roommate’s loud bedroom antics 
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Dear Jane,

I’ve been living with the same roommate for the last three years with no issue – we aren’t best friends, but we are great roommates. We don’t fight, we’re both neat and tidy, and we’ll occasionally split a pizza when we both feel like being lazy.

Two months ago, she started seeing this new guy and things have been going great for them. How do I know? Because I can hear literally everything they say and do through her very thin bedroom walls. 

And by everything, I do mean their incredibly energetic sex life. 

Now, I’m not the kind of girl who wants to throw water on anyone’s fire but it’s actually getting unbearable. They’re at it all the time. During the day, in the early hours of the morning… it just goes on and on.

Dear Jane, my roommate won’t stop having incredibly loud sex with her boyfriend – and she refuses to acknowledge that our neighbors have started complaining 

And the noises are insane. There’s screaming, banging… I will spare you the other details but it’s become so loud and incessant that even the neighbors have started complaining. 

One guy who lives in the apartment next door approached me in the lobby to ask if we could please keep the loud ‘antics’ to a minimum, and the couple that lives on the other side of us slipped a note under our door asking us to please ‘stop with the screaming sex’.

Both times, my roommate just laughed it off and said they need to get a life or grow up.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

I really don’t want to sound like a prude but this is making my life a bit miserable at the moment and I’ve got no idea how to tell her. 

She’s clearly not embarrassed, but I’m so mortified what people think that I won’t even take the elevator anymore in case people come up to me to talk about it.

Please help!


Silent Scream for Help

Dear Silent Scream for Help,

Good Lord. 

Perhaps it’s my age but I’m exhausted just reading this letter – your poor neighbors, and poor you! Screaming and banging is no fun for anyone. 

Well… Perhaps for a couple of people, but no-one else!

As for your neighbors and not getting into the elevator, this is not your fault, and you are not responsible for your roommate’s behavior. 

If they complain to you, tell them it’s even worse living in the apartment with them.

Something needs to change. Try recording just how loud they are, and play it back for her so she understands quite what it’s like to try and sleep through this noise. 

Failing that, I might be inclined to wait for your roommate to have a night off from her boyfriend, preferably when she’s trying to catch up on her sleep, and bang a few pots and pans in your room, whilst singing very loudly to your favorite songs. 

Throw in a scream or two. Maybe jump on the bed a few times, ensuring the headboard bangs against your shared wall in a somewhat… rhythmic way…

I’m hoping that one of the above will help her understand how selfish her behavior is.

If she still doesn’t understand, I would suggest it’s time for you to start looking for a new roommate.