Do you have the perfect penis shape? After years of thinking size matters, I found the ‘golden formula’ – and it really doesn’t matter if it’s big or small: EBONY LEIGH

I did something naughty last night, but I just couldn’t help myself.

After months and months of unsatisfying sex with men who just couldn’t get me there, I caved and called my ex-boyfriend.

Or as I like to call him, The Man With the Perfect Penis.

It’s actually how we met.

I was at Allure, Sydney’s famous sex club, getting frisky with the guy I came with when I rubber-necked to my left and noticed the couple next to us.

She was also on her knees getting to work as he was he pressed up against the wall. And that’s when I clocked it.

The most memorable member I’ve ever seen.

Length-wise? Honestly, nothing to write home about. But it was thrillingly thick and, frankly, so wonderful that I couldn’t stop staring.

Is there a formula for the perfect penis? Mail+ columnist Ebony Leigh believes so, and reckons it’s mostly about shape, not size (stock image posed by models)

‘Do you need some help with that’? I asked.

‘You better ask her,’ he replied grinning, before his partner graciously moved aside.

Fortunately, my date wasn’t the jealous type (you really can’t afford to be at a sex club) and he happily watched on as my new friend and I enjoyed some team bonding.

Again, I repeat, it was not a long one. But it was definitely a two-woman job.

When he suggested we move to one of the centrepiece four-poster beds in the middle of the room, I didn’t hesitate.

Now, I won’t get into the particulars of what happened next.

But, suffice it to say, our encounter ended with me a trembling, sweaty mess almost falling off the side of the bed, having just been expertly brought to one of the most intense orgasms of my life.

My large – and extremely loud – waves of gratification had filled the room and all eyes were on us… and this perfect penis.

‘Length is good. Girth is better. But the perfect shape? Nothing can compare,’ writes Ebony

This perfect, not especially big but flawlessly proportioned, willy. 

Now it’s been almost a year since that life-changing night. A sex party isn’t my usual way of finding a boyfriend, but we went on to date for about six months after that.

Little did his lady friend know that when she lent me his appendage for the night I would end up taking the whole package. (If you’re reading this… sorry about that.)

But, as the old saying goes, all good things must come to an end.

We broke off our fling and I soon ended up in an unfulfilling situationship. Then another one.

And it was about this time I realised what was missing.

A mammoth manhood.

And no, I don’t mean size.

Long or short, micro or massive, I’ve had them all in my time. But as I reach my sexual prime, I’ve discovered what I really need in a man is the most satisfying shape.

Length is good. Girth is better. But the perfect shape? Nothing can compare.

I speak from experience, and from lengthy consultations with many, many women over the years: it’s all about the curve.

Think a nice, ripe banana, or a thick finger beckoning me. Those golden dimensions immediately have me tearing my clothes off because I know I’m in for a good time.

Regardless of size or circumference, this type of tool will send me over the edge. And I know I’m not the only woman with the same preference.

They always hit just the right spot.

Mail+ sex columnist Ebony Leigh is having a fling with ‘The Man With the Perfect Penis’

So here’s the formula for the perfect member. The Fibonacci sequence for the ideal willy, if you will.

Firstly, the upward, banana-shaped curve we just discussed.

Secondly, ‘girth at the gate’. A thick tip a bonus, but a thick base is a must.

And thirdly… being uncircumcised.

Yes, this may be a controversial choice, and perhaps I’m biased being from a country where circumcision less prevalent than, say, the United States, but in my experience that uncut skin just makes it feel better from the moment it goes in and all the way up.

Oh, and there’s one more trait that really is the icing on the penis cake.

Last night, after I collapsed in bed with my gifted ex, he explained how his member is ‘wider in the middle’ which is why it feels so damn good.

A wider middle? It’s certainly a theory… one that requires vigorous testing!

Whatever his particular secret, one thing I can say for sure is that with him, I always feel full. And no matter what women tell you, that is very important.

The last man I’d slept with was long but his unsatisfying width and straight shape meant that, even with my guaranteed go-to move, I always struggled to climax.

As I gazed up at my new/old lover after we’d just woken the neighbours, I sighed and whispered the one thought on my mind.

‘Why did we ever stop doing this?’

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