Drew Barrymore admits she wishes her mother was DEAD as she details her tumultuous childhood

Drew Barrymore has admitted that she wishes her own mother was dead while detailing her tumultuous childhood and her struggle to ‘grow’ while her mom is still ‘on this planet.’

The actress, 48, has been very open in the past about how her mother, Jaid, ‘exploited her’ and would take her out to Hollywood parties and nightclubs when she was little, once revealing that she had her first drink when she was only nine – and that she was using cocaine by the time she was 12.

Now, while speaking to New York magazine, the Charlie’s Angels star said that she ‘couldn’t wait’ for her mother to ‘be gone,’ as she admitted that she feels envious of her friends who have lost their parents.

‘All their moms are gone, and my mom’s not. I don’t have that luxury. But I cannot wait,’ she told the outlet. 

Drew Barrymore has admitted that she wishes her own mother was dead while detailing her struggle to ‘grow’ while her mom is still ‘on this planet’ to New York magazine

The actress, 48, has been very open in the past about how her mother, Jaid (seen in 1982), would take her out to Hollywood parties and nightclubs when she was little

The actress, 48, has been very open in the past about how her mother, Jaid (seen in 1982), would take her out to Hollywood parties and nightclubs when she was little

Drew once revealed that she had her first drink when she was only nine - and that she was using cocaine by the time she was 12. She' seen in 1982 at age seven

Drew once revealed that she had her first drink when she was only nine – and that she was using cocaine by the time she was 12. She’ seen in 1982 at age seven

Now, while speaking to New York magazine, the Charlie's Angels star (seen last month) said that she 'couldn't wait' for her mother to 'be gone'

Now, while speaking to New York magazine, the Charlie’s Angels star (seen last month) said that she ‘couldn’t wait’ for her mother to ‘be gone’

The TV host explained that she ‘doesn’t want to live in a state’ where she ‘wishes someone’ dead ‘sooner than they’re meant to be so she can grow,’ adding, ‘I actually want her to be happy and thrive and be healthy. But I have to f**king grow in spite of her being on this planet.’

Drew (seen with her parents) admitted that she feels envious of her friends who have lost their parents. She said: 'All their moms are gone, and my mom’s not. I don’t have that luxury. But I cannot wait'

Drew (seen with her parents) admitted that she feels envious of her friends who have lost their parents. She said: ‘All their moms are gone, and my mom’s not. I don’t have that luxury. But I cannot wait’

Later on in the interview, Drew said that she regretted making the comments about her mother, while vowing that she still ‘cares’ about her despite their rocky past. 

‘I didn’t feel good [saying that]. I do care. I’ll never not care,’ she said. ‘I don’t know if I’ve ever known how to fully guard, close off, not feel, build the wall up.’

The 48-year-old has previously revealed how her father, actor John Drew Barrymore, was a violent alcoholic and left the picture when she was young.

She has said that Jaid – an aspiring actress herself who also managed Drew’s career – ‘wasn’t prepared’ to raise her by herself.

At age 13, Drew’s mom sent her to a psychiatric institution, where she spent 18 months, and after leaving the center, she became emancipated from her parents. 

But the star doesn’t like to harp on her past, or ‘blame’ her mother for the bad things that happened to her.

‘I choose very consciously not to see my life as things that have been done to me,’ she continued.

The TV host explained that she 'doesn't want to live in a state' where she 'wishes someone' dead 'sooner than they're meant to be so she can grow. She's seen with her parents in 1982

The TV host explained that she ‘doesn’t want to live in a state’ where she ‘wishes someone’ dead ‘sooner than they’re meant to be so she can grow. She’s seen with her parents in 1982

She added, 'I actually want [my mom] to be happy and thrive and be healthy. But I have to f**king grow in spite of her being on this planet.' Drew is seen with her mother as a child

She added, ‘I actually want [my mom] to be happy and thrive and be healthy. But I have to f**king grow in spite of her being on this planet.’ Drew is seen with her mother as a child

‘I want to see it as the things I did and chose to do. I’m not attracted to people who lay blame on others. I don’t find it sexy.’

Even so, the actress admitted that she wished she was more ’empathetic’ to her younger self. 

‘When will I ever give myself a f**king break? What would it be like to be empathetic toward that little girl?’ she asked.

‘I’ve been a circus bear my whole life. I swear to God, if the ringmaster left the tent, I would become the ringmaster and start, like, flagellating myself.’

While speaking to The Guardian in 2015, Drew recalled feeling ‘terrible’ and ‘alone’ as a kid, adding that she was ‘very angry’ about her ‘parents not being there’ for her. 

‘When I was 13, that was probably the lowest,’ she said. ‘Just knowing that I really was alone, it felt terrible. 

‘It was a really rebellious time. I was very, very angry. If you search deep down in me, it’s like, why am I so angry, man? And it’s like, OK, ’cause my parents weren’t there.

The star doesn't like to harp on her past, or 'blame' her mother for what happened to her. She stated: 'I’m not attracted to people who lay blame on others. I don’t find it sexy'

The star doesn’t like to harp on her past, or ‘blame’ her mother for what happened to her. She stated: ‘I’m not attracted to people who lay blame on others. I don’t find it sexy’

‘But I realized, honestly, yeah, my mom locked me up in an institution – boohoo! It did give an amazing discipline.

‘It was like serious recruitment training and boot camp, and it was horrible and dark and very long-lived, a year and a half, but I needed it.

‘I needed that whole insane discipline. My life was not normal. I was not a kid in school with normal circumstances. There was something very abnormal, and I needed some severe shift.

‘It was a very important thing to experience for me. It was very humbling, very quieting. 

‘Maybe it was necessary, because I came out of there a more respecting person. And my parents didn’t teach me that, and life wasn’t teaching me that.’

When asked if she felt ‘exploited’ by her parents at the time, she responded, ‘I mean, well, yeah, I think with my mother.’

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