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Erin Holland shares heartbreaking post about her IVF journey and says she feels like a ‘failure’

Erin Holland has shared her heartbreak as she begins her IVF journey. 

In a moving Instagram post shared on Tuesday, the television presenter, 33, wept in a selfie, which she shared alongside a long caption in which she explained she felt like a ‘failure’ and feared she was letting down her cricketer husband Ben Cutting, 35.

‘Last year, we found out the only real option to have a baby for me is IVF,’ she began. 

Hard: Erin Holland (pictured) has shared her heartbreak as she begins her IVF journey

‘As someone who went in just wanting to freeze embryos until the time was ‘right’, I’ve grappled with the confusing feelings of the loss of any ‘normality’ of this process, feeling like the universe was telling me I’m not meant to be a mother, the guilt of letting Ben down, but am I even ready, feeling physically broken,’ she wrote.

‘Yesterday we found out that our first round of IVF resulted in nothing viable, and the sense of failure is overwhelming. The toll on the mind and body, the injections, the cost,’ she went on. 

‘But I’m so grateful for modern medicine – it will take a village to create this baby, let alone raise it. The fact that IVF is even a possibility blows my mind.

Journey: In a moving Instagram post shared on Tuesday, the television presenter, 33, wept in a selfie, which she shared alongside a long caption in which she explained she felt like a 'failure' and feared she was letting down her cricketer husband Ben Cutting (left)

Journey: In a moving Instagram post shared on Tuesday, the television presenter, 33, wept in a selfie, which she shared alongside a long caption in which she explained she felt like a ‘failure’ and feared she was letting down her cricketer husband Ben Cutting (left) 

‘I know it’s only the very beginning of this journey, and I thought about only sharing it when it was over, if ever.’ 

Erin concluded by explaining that she was sharing her journey with the hope of reaching out to others going through the same thing.  

The Miss World Australia contestant tied the knot with Australian cricketer Ben last year, and recently explained the difficulty of spending long periods of time apart. 

'As someone who went in just wanting to freeze embryos until the time was 'right', I've grappled with the confusing feelings of the loss of any 'normality' of this process, feeling like the universe was telling me I'm not meant to be a mother, the guilt of letting Ben down, but am I even ready, feeling physically broken,' she wrote

‘As someone who went in just wanting to freeze embryos until the time was ‘right’, I’ve grappled with the confusing feelings of the loss of any ‘normality’ of this process, feeling like the universe was telling me I’m not meant to be a mother, the guilt of letting Ben down, but am I even ready, feeling physically broken,’ she wrote 

The model was forced to spend much of her first months as a newlywed away from her husband due to Covid restrictions that see players locked in isolation bubbles, while she’s busy in her own role as a Channel 7 cricket presenter. 

‘The closest I can get to him is when I am interviewing him or seeing him from afar on the field, which is quite tough. I don’t get to see a lot of him anyway,’ she tells this week’s issue of Stellar Magazine. 

‘Two days after our wedding, he left for four-and-a-half months, and I wasn’t able to visit as we weren’t able to leave the country. It feels a bit never-ending at the moment, the roadblocks to spending quality time together.’ 

'Yesterday we found out that our first round of IVF resulted in nothing viable, and the sense of failure is overwhelming. The toll on the mind and body, the injections, the cost,' she said

‘Yesterday we found out that our first round of IVF resulted in nothing viable, and the sense of failure is overwhelming. The toll on the mind and body, the injections, the cost,’ she said

Erin went on to say that being a wife or girlfriend of a sportsman is not the highfaluting life that it seems. 

‘It’s really not easy. I have a huge amount of respect for the WAG contingent. There are a lot of misconceptions; it’s absolutely not the glamorous lifestyle that people might think it is,’ she said. 

The couple postponed their honeymoon due to his sporting commitments while Erin remained in Sydney. 

Wed; Erin and Ben married in Byron Bay on February 13, after rescheduling the wedding twice due to the coronavirus pandemic. The beauty said her husband's departure on February 22 for Pakistan so soon after their wedding had her feeling down in the dumps

 Wed; Erin and Ben married in Byron Bay on February 13, after rescheduling the wedding twice due to the coronavirus pandemic. The beauty said her husband’s departure on February 22 for Pakistan so soon after their wedding had her feeling down in the dumps

The beauty said her husband’s departure on February 22 for Pakistan so soon after their wedding had her feeling down in the dumps.

‘For me, mental and physical health are very intertwined. If my physical health is right, my mental health is, and if I’m not feeling great mentally, I’m feeling sluggish and not wanting to look after myself physically,’ she said.

Erin and Ben married in Byron Bay on February 13, after rescheduling the wedding twice due to the coronavirus pandemic.   

'For me, mental and physical health are very intertwined. If my physical health is right, my mental health is, and if I'm not feeling great mentally, I'm feeling sluggish and not wanting to look after myself physically,' she said

‘For me, mental and physical health are very intertwined. If my physical health is right, my mental health is, and if I’m not feeling great mentally, I’m feeling sluggish and not wanting to look after myself physically,’ she said

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