I bet I know what that is!
Go on, then…
Does it involve a phone?
No.
Then it’s to do with tailoring.
Wrong again.
I give up.
The couplings enjoyed by people with a high sexual IQ.
Oh, I see, smart as in clever.
Sort of.
‘Still nothing? How about this, then?’ Jon Hamm and Kristen Wiig in the 2011, comedy Bridesmaids
Like Mensa. But sexier. My score’s 132.
No, it isn’t.
Why not?
WHAT DOES DR EMILY HAVE THAT THE REST OF US WANT? 23 ORGASMS A NIGHT!
Sexual IQ doesn’t have numbers. It’s a communications thing.
Says who?
Wildly popular sex educator Dr Emily Morse in her new book Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure.
How popular is popular?
The 53-year-old sex therapist has a podcast with two million downloads a month, 18.7K TikTok followers and 536K on Instagram.
Blimey. What does Dr Emily have that the rest of us want so badly?
Twenty three orgasms a night.
Twenty three?!
Apparently so… although not every night. That’s her personal best.
Do we know what Dr Emily is doing in the bedroom?
We don’t.
Why not?
She can’t give away all her trade secrets – despite journalists asking.
Wildly popular American sex educator Dr Emily Morse, from Detroit, has released her new book Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure
And what did she tell them?
In one interview she said, ‘If I’m a chef and we’re dating, I’m not going to make you a soufflé or a five-course dinner every night.’
Sorry?
‘Sometimes we’re going to go out to eat and sometimes we’re going to microwave.’
Too advanced for me. Where does the, er, layperson begin?
With a sexual bucket list.
Is that a thing?
Yes, but as one reader pointed out in response to a story in The Times, ‘mine has had ‘Kylie Minogue’ at the top for the past 30 years and it hasn’t done me much good’.
And what comes after that? (Stop sniggering!)
You’ll need a sex summit.
I am not buying a vibrator!
Relax. It’s a monthly ideas meeting.
Dr Emily’s sex advice sounds like a focus group.
In some ways it is because, she says, until you get your communication right, you’ll never make progress in the bedroom.
So what should we talk about?
Sex, but taking the ‘three Ts’ into account: timing, tone and turf – and bearing in mind the conversation could well be embarrassing.
What should I say?
She advises picking a time when you’re relaxed and opening with: ‘I know this is new for us, but I want us to have a growth mindset around our sexual connection.’
Apparently Dr Emily’s personal best was 23 orgasms in one night – but she won’t reveal her secrets
Are you serious?
Or try: ‘What are you enjoying about our sex life right now?’
Then I could rev things up by reading out my shopping list.
No, you could take the lead by adding: ‘May I share something I’d like more of during sex?’
You obviously haven’t met my other half.
Are you questioning the advice of a woman who has 23 orgasms a night?
No. OK. Go on…
As Dr Emily explains: ‘This isn’t… a foreplay exercise.’
Clearly not.
You’re going to need to work on that sarcastic tone, too.
Why?
Because the tone you use in the monthly ideas meeting should be one of enquiry.
Not a problem.
Really? What was the last enquiring thing you said about sex?
‘Is that it?’
OK. Let’s move swiftly on to ‘turf’, where the sex summit should take place.
Which will be the bedroom, obviously.
No! Anywhere but.
Really?
Dr Emily says, ‘Do yourself a favour: save the bedroom as a sacred space for sleeping and sex itself.’
Where should this summit take place then, the car?
So long, she advises, as it’s not ‘charged with sexual expectation’.
It’s a Honda Civic.
Perfect.
***
Read more at DailyMail.co.uk