1. ‘That’s a good cancer to have’
There are no good cancers. There are definitely some which respond better
to treatment than others, and I’m allowed to observe that as the patient,
but you are not. Please don’t tell me how lucky I am. I may not be in the
humour to hear that. Brain tumours are the biggest killer in adults – FYI.
2. ‘Do you just get headaches then?’
Yeah it is EXACTLY like your hangover, might as well just smash some
paracetamol and BANG the magic headache is gone.
3. ‘I’ve always wanted to shave my head’
Losing your hair to chemo is not the same as shaving your head because you
thought Natalie Portman looked cool in V for Vendetta.
4. ‘You look like Sinéad O’Connor!’
No, I don’t.
5. ‘We didn’t think you’d be up for it’
Don’t assume we’re not able to do things just because we have cancer. Keep
inviting us to stuff. Sometimes we won’t be up for it, but sometimes we
will, and we desperately need to leave the house.
6. ‘You’re so brave’
We know you mean well when you say this, but we don’t feel brave. Bravery
is something that happens when someone chooses to take on something scary.
We don’t have a choice.
7. ‘Have you tried…?’
Unless you have a piece of advice so stellar that you think we literally
can’t go on without it, please don’t make suggestions about our treatment.
Yes, eating kiwis may be an effective way of combating constipation in your
everyday life, but if the industrial strength medical grade laxatives an
actual doctor have prescribed for me aren’t working, then adding more fruit
to my diet probably won’t either.
8. ‘If anyone can beat this, you can.’
Because the people who die as a result of cancer didn’t fight hard enough?
9. ‘Remember, there’s always someone worse off than you.’
So helpful.
10. ‘I know how you feel’
No, you don’t.
11. ‘At least you’ll have loads of time free.’
I am not on holiday. I have taken time off work because dealing with cancer
is literally a full-time job.
12. ‘My uncle/friend/pet had a brain tumour, they died.’
That’s great, thank you for scaring the s**t out of me.
13. ‘You’re young you’ll be fine.’
Yeah four strokes, paralysis and a brain tumour later sounds exactly ‘fine’
for a 25-year-old.
14. ‘You shouldn’t be drinking.’
Are you my oncologist? Do you know what medication I am on or treatment? Do
not tell me what I can and can’t do, especially in front of people whilst I
have a drink in my hand and try and make me look like a d*****d.
15. ‘You gonna die then?’
Just no. This is not a question you ever ask somebody. Unless they offer
their prognosis, don’t go there. You will know their prognosis if you need
to know.
16. ‘You should just smoke weed and stop your tablets.’
S*** why didn’t I think of this earlier? Can’t believe I go through hours
and hours of IV that has skull and crossbones on it saying POISON going
into my blood for funsies when I could have just had a joint! Silly me!
17. ‘You’re going to the toilet a lot aren’t you?’
Yes, thank you for pointing out my toilet habits in public. I’m sorry I
don’t have control over my own bladder and have to set alarms every hour so
I don’t wet myself at 25. I’m not already embarrassed enough, thank you so
much.
18. ‘You get benefits though don’t you, nice to have some spare money!’
No, I don’t get benefits and it would be a lot nicer to not have a ticking
time bomb in my head ensuring I can’t talk properly, walk properly, eat,
sleep, or have at least 10 emotional/mood swings a day because it affects
everything.
19. *Person to my parent or anybody else close to me behind my back*.
‘Should she be doing that?!’
ASK ME. I AM THE ONE WITH CANCER, NOBODY CAN ANSWER FOR ME. AND IF YOU’RE
TOO AFRAID TO ASK ME – YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE ASKING IT!!!
Source: Jodie Mason’s Facebook post