An Indiana veteran was sent off into the great beyond with the write-up of a lifetime.
Terry Wayne Ward, 71, passed away on Tuesday at Southlake Methodist Hospital, giving his daughter occasion to share some of his personality with the world in his hilarious obituary, which quickly inspired envy of those who actually knew him.
‘Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, Indiana, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse,’ the obituary begins, setting the tone from the very first line of text.
The writer, Jean Lahm, 43, told the Chicago Tribune that her goal was to show her father to the world as ‘the everyday guy’ he was, who loved to make people laugh.
It worked, and the consensus across the internet seemed to be one of, ‘I didn’t know you, but now I wish I did.’
Terry Ward, 71, passed away on Tuesday in Indiana, giving his daughter occasion to share some of his personality with the world in his hilarious obituary
What we’ve learned from Lahm’s epic send off is that Ward is just like the rest of us, a blue-collar guy who ‘borrowed’ things from work and loved to listen to music and have a beer, or 10, in his man cave.
In fact, he acquired ‘roughly 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during the course of his career’ as a lineman with AT&T, ‘which he used for everything from open wounds to “Don’t use this button” covers.’
‘He couldn’t give a damn about most material things, and automobiles were never to be purchased new,’ Lahm wrote, of her father.
‘He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.’
The consensus on the internet seemed to be, ‘I didn’t know you, but now I wish I did’
Ward, a ‘Viet Nam Veteran,’ was apparently a constant source of entertainment for his family, who loved him tremendously; he served in the US Army in active combat in Vietnam
He was also clearly set in his ways and a little bit stubborn, like most people over the age of 70.
‘He despised “uppity foods” like hummus, which his family lovingly called “bean dip” for his benefit, which he loved consequently,’ Lahm wrote.
“Hiding” what you’re actually serving someone, just to get them to eat it? Who can’t relate to that? (Especially when there’s a lot of people out there who don’t know that hummus is made from garbanzo beans.)
It certainly resonated with writer John Moe, who tweeted on Friday:
‘I think the greatest regret of my life is not knowing Terry Ward during his. Because he sounds awesome.’
Ward, a ‘Viet Nam Veteran,’ was apparently a constant source of entertainment for his family, who loved him tremendously.
‘Terry is survived by his overly-patient and accepting wife Kathy, who was the love of his life (a fact she gladly accepted sympathy for during their 48 years of marriage),’ Lahm wrote in her father’s obituary.
He is also survived by ‘daughters Rebecca (William) Hines and Jean (Jeff) Lahm; sister, Linda; brother, Phil; grandchildren: Alexander and Hannah Hines (The Mesopotamians), Daphne and Erin Pistello (The Daffer and Peanut), Brendan and Owen Lahm (Phineas and Ferb) and Tessa McMurry (Smiley).’
Lahm said the she and her sister, Becky Hines, inherited their way with words from their father.
Writer John Moe tweeted on Friday: ‘I think the greatest regret of my life is not knowing Terry Ward during his. Because he sounds awesome.’
Writer Peter Frost also gave Ward’s obituary praise, tweeting ‘amazing obit alert’
The three would often come up with clever captions for family photos, and were known to leave funny post-it notes on bedrooms doors, for others to find around the house.
Lahm, who works for Geisen Funeral Home, said she is at peace with how the obituary came out, and has been received by the world.
‘I told myself this has got to be really, really epic. It has to be him,’ she said.
‘I feel blessed that I was able to do it and so thrilled it came out exactly how I wanted it to.’
If things every fall through for her at the funeral home, maybe Lahm has a career writing obituaries.
Twitter user Phil Gonzales might even sign up in advance as her first client, after praising her work on Friday, saying:
‘I read this and realized this is exactly how I want to be remembered.’
The write-up also inspired pre-post-mortem envy for one Twitter user, who said, ‘I read this and realized this is exactly how I want to be remembered’
Ward suffered a massive stroke before taking his final breaths at Southlake Methodist Hospital on Tuesday.
The Thornridge High School graduate was preceded in death by his parents, ‘daughter Laura Pistello, grandson Vincent Pistello, brother Kenneth Ward, a 1972 Rambler and a hip.’
He served in the US Army in active combat during the Vietnam War.
Ward’s memorial services where held on Saturday in Crown Point, Indiana.
Whether you knew and loved him, feel like you did, or wish you would have, Lahm has implored that ‘memorial donations in Terry’s name be made to your favorite charity or your favorite watering hole, where you are instructed to tie a few on and tell a few stories of the great Terry Ward.’
The full text of Terry Ward’s obituary is below.