A Boston man’s viral Twitter thread serves as a heartbreaking reminder of how terrible the height of the AIDS epidemic truly was for the gay community.
Tucker Shaw was struck when he overheard a young gay man discussing the AIDS crisis with his boyfriend, asserting that, as terrible as it was, it paved the way for things to better for the gay community ‘in the long run’.
Tucker, 49, said that he doesn’t necessarily disagree with that, but he was taken aback that the man felt such a disconnect from AIDS and the havoc it wrecked — considering the height of the crisis wasn’t actually so long ago, and remains very much in the hearts and minds of those who lived through it.
Viral: Tucker Shaw from Boston tweeted about a conversation he heard on his commute
Hot take: A young gay man was ‘talking about AIDS, in a scholarly way,’ saying it ‘galvanized the gay community’ and ‘spurred change’
Two to three decades: What struck him was the use of the phrase ‘the long run,’ considering the worst of the epidemic was not so long ago
Huh… Tucker said it’s not that he necessarily disagreed, but he seemed taken aback by how distant the young man seemed to feel from the epidemic
Looking back: He went on to recall in heartbreaking detail what it was like to know so many people who died from the disease in a short period of time
‘I overheard a young man on the train on the way home today, talking to another young man. Holding hands. In college, I guessed. About that age anyway. Much younger than I am,’ Tucker kicked off his thread, which has reached 50,000 likes and counting.
In the thick of it: Tucker, 49, came of age in the late 80s and was in his 20s in the 90s
‘He was talking about AIDS, in a scholarly way. About how it had galvanized the gay community. How it had spurred change. Paved the way to make things better, in the long run,’ he wrote. ‘The long rung.’
‘Maybe he’s right. I don’t know. It’s not the first time I’ve heard the theory. He spoke with clarity and with confidence. Youthful, full of conviction. But.
‘Remember how terrible it was, not that long ago, during the worst times. How many beautiful friends died. One after the other. Brutally. Restlessly. Brittle and damp. In cold rooms with hot lights. Remember? ‘
He then launched into deeply personal remembrances, looking back at his own losses when AIDS was a death sentence.
‘Some nights, you’d sneak in to that hospital downtown after visiting hours, just to see who was around. It wasn’t hard.
‘You’d bring a boom box. Fresh gossip. Trashy magazines and cheap paperbacks. Hash brownies. Anything. Nothing.
Recollections: His remembrances became deeply personal as he looked back
Deadly: He talked about visiting friends who were sick at the hospital
Spread: He mentioned knowing multiple people there at a time
Grief: He’d be haunted by friends he lost to the disease
Tragic: It touched his lives in a lot of ways as thousands died
‘You’d get kicked out, but you’d sneak back in. Kicked out again. Back in again. Sometimes you’d recognize a friend. Sometimes you wouldn’t.
‘Other nights, you’d go out to dance and drink. A different distraction. You’d see a face in the dark, in the back of the bar. Is it you? Old friend! No. Not him. Just a ghost.
‘At work, you’d find an umbrella, one you’d borrowed a few rainstorms ago from a coworker. I should return it, you’d think. No. No need. He’s gone. It’s yours now.
‘One day you’d get lucky and meet someone lovely. You’d feel happy, optimistic. You’d make plans.
‘Together, you’d keep a list of names in a notebook you bought for thirty cents in Chinatown so you could remember who was still here and who wasn’t, because it was so easy to forget.
‘But there were so many names to write down. Too many names. Names you didn’t want to write down.
‘When he finally had to go too, you got rid of the notebook. No more names.
Epidemic: From the 80s to 2002, the total AIDS-related deaths in the US totaled 501,669
Harsh: In 1989, deaths in the US skyrocketed to 14,544 over the course of the year — and it kept climbing, to 18,447 in 1990, 20,454 in 1991, 23,411 in 1992, and 41,920 in 1993
Relationships: Tucker’s story turned especially tragic when he recalled falling in love
Unstoppable: They’d write down names of people to remember who was still living and who died
Overwhelming: There ended up being too many people to keep track of
‘Your friends would come over with takeout and wine and you’d see how hard they tried not to ask when he was coming home because they knew he wasn’t coming home. No one came home. You’d turn 24.
‘When he’d been gone long enough and it was time to get rid of his stuff, they’d say so. It’s time. And you’d do it, you’d give away the shirts, sweaters, jackets. Everything.
‘Except those shoes. You remember the ones. He loved those shoes, you’d say. We loved those shoes. I’ll keep those shoes under the bed.
Remember how terrible it was, not that long ago, during the worst times. How many beautiful friends died. One after the other. Brutally. Restlessly
‘You’d move to a new neighborhood. You’d unpack the first night, take a shower, make the bed because it’d be bedtime. You’d think of the shoes. For the first time, you’d put them on. Look at those shoes. What great shoes.
‘Air. You’d need air. You’d walk outside in the shoes, just to the stoop. You’d sit. A breeze. A neighbor steps past. “Great shoes,” she’d say. But the shoes are too big for you.
‘You’d sit for a while, maybe an hour, maybe more. Then you’d unlace the shoes, set them by the trash on the curb. You’d go back upstairs in your socks. The phone is ringing. More news.
‘The long run. Wasn’t that long ago,’ he concluded.
Awful: Eventually, his boyfriend passed from the disease, too
So young: All of this happened before he even turned 24
Relate: Tucker’s thread has gone viral and earned quite a few replies
Inspiring: Others chimed in with their own stories of loss and heartbreak
Tucker, who came of age in the late 80s, clearly experienced firsthand the horror of the AIDS crisis, and seemed to find it troubling that young gay men today could discuss it so dispassionately, as something that happened a long time ago.
AIDS first came to the US in the 1960s, but it wasn’t recognized until the early 80s, when it started to spread among large clusters of young gay men in Los Angeles, New York City, and San Francisco.
Other cases popped up in women, as well as children who received blood transfusions — but it was transmitted most frequently within the gay community.
Because of that, and widespread homophobia, AIDS was dismissed by many as a ‘gay disease,’ and it took years for substantial funding to be directed toward research of the disease and finding a cure.
Throughout the ’80s, the number of AIDS-related deaths grew annually. According to FACT, 2,304 people died in the US in 1983. The number rose to 4,251 in 1984 and 5,636 in 1985 (including Rock Hudson).
In 1989, it skyrocketed to 14,544 AIDS-related deaths over the course of the year — and it kept climbing, to 18,447 in 1990, 20,454 in 1991, 23,411 in 1992, and 41,920 in 1993.
By 2002, the total deaths since the epidemic began reached 501,669.
Crushing: He looked back on the shoes he saved to remember a loved on
Affected: The story illustrates that the epidemic is still very much in living memory
Changes: There have been vast improvement in medical treatment for AIDS and AIDS-related illnesses, drastically shrinking the number of annual deaths
Remember: But it’s not gone, and in 2015, 6,465 people died from HIV in the US
There have been vast improvement in medical treatment for AIDS and AIDS-related illnesses, drastically shrinking the number of annual deaths — which explains why the young man Tucker encountered didn’t seem to see the disease as a threat.
But it’s not gone, and there’s still no definitive ‘cure’. And according to the CDC, in 2015, 6,465 people died from HIV in the US.
Many people who encountered Tucker’s thread commented to share their own memories of the epidemic at its worst, standing as a reminder that the crisis isn’t so far back in history.
‘I miss my brother. He died 25 years ago along with all of his sweet friends. The long run,’ wrote one woman, prompting others to write about brothers they lost.
‘Thank you for this beautiful piece. It really resonates with me. I am one of the lucky survivors; 30 years HIV positive. I am remembering today a young man who took his own life after a diagnosis of Kaposi’s sarcoma,’ wrote one man.
Kaposi’s sarcoma is a type of cancer that causes skin legions, which can be a symptom of AIDS and was one of the first signs of the disease in the ’80s.
‘I remember when young men first began dying. Families would say “he had cancer” but there was always something not quite spoken. I had a work friend whose son died very early on from AIDS and she kept it to herself for so long because she feared her beloved son being judged,’ recalled one woman.
‘I stopped counting at thirty. Many friends had longer lists but thirty was where I drew the line. More died after I stopped but I couldn’t count that high. My heart wouldn’t accept it,’ added another commenter.
‘It seems like yesterday when my cousin was dying in a San Francisco hospital. They told us not to touch him. I sat on his bedside & held his hand.
‘He did not want his mother to know he was there. He was alone when he died. It haunts me to this day. He deserved better. I loved him,’ remembered yet another.