With the dating world more fast-paced than ever, singles are preparing lengthy lists of ‘deal breakers’ for their future soulmates.
This has been seen throughout the couples on Married At First Sight Australia, where each ‘bride’ and ‘groom’ sat down and listed their lengthy expectations in a partner.
But according to FEMAIL’s relationship expert, Louanne Ward, unrealistic deal breakers can seriously impact success in the dating world.
‘Dating and courting is nothing new – we’ve been doing it in forever. So why all of a sudden does it seem so hard?’ Louanne, from Perth, said.
According to FEMAIL’s relationship expert, Louanne Ward (pictured), deal breakers can seriously impact success in the dating world
‘Nasser on the other hand, who is 50, never married and with no kids, seemed highly concerned to learn Gabrielle had a child,’ Louanne said
‘Could it be that we are so spoiled for choice that we just can’t choose? Have people become disposable? Have we forgotten to take the time to get to know the other person?’
Louanne said more than ever, singles are simply checking off their list of deal breakers and writing off their dates before there’s even time to form a connection.
‘It does pose an interesting argument for all the haters of Married At First Sight – I don’t think we can ignore entirely the social experiment does have some merit,’ she said.
‘He we see 22 singles matched with prospective partners based on the information they shared.
‘Gabrielle is a twin and she was heard saying “If my sister doesn’t like him that’s the total deal breaker. It’s so important to me and it just wouldn’t work if she didn’t like him”,’ Louanne said
What are realistic dating deal breakers?
1. Similar long term goals, for example the desire to have children.
2. Height ratio, for example if you are a tall woman wanting a man as tall or taller. Same goes for weight, if you are physically fit and in good shape it’s realistic to want the same.
3. In certain age groups, for example under 35, it’s realistic to want someone who doesn’t have children if you don’t currently have them.
4. Living somewhere geographically doable – this is not to be confused with ruling out people who live 25 minutes away!
5. Having some things in common is important. They don’t have to love everything you do but if, for example, you have a boat and spend your summer on the ocean and your partner hates the water, the relationship is unlikely to last.
6. If they dislike or are allergic to your dog or cat – they live with you and are part of your life.
‘While the motivation of someone who enters a reality TV show varies, the contestants are forced to spend an adequate time with each other before making a decision rather than simply writing someone off.’
Louanne said the first thing to get right is the ‘physical attraction’ and the ‘expectation of how important an immediate physical spark is’.
‘Take Sean who is waiting at the altar and turns around to see his bride for the first time – the look of disappointment sweeps his face before she lifts the veil,’ she said.
‘Much the same as the contestant John who last year was rejected by his bride for not being Polynesian.’
Louanne said having an extensive checklist is like detrimental.
‘Davina complains that men take one look at her and are only interested in getting her into bed so she asked for a tradie who would take his time and look after her and have her back,’ Louanne said
‘People’s deal breakers are like a make your own pizza. They think relationships are made to order,’ she said.
‘It is all very well to have a checklist and no-go zone but let’s get real about the issues.
‘Take the wedding between Gabrielle and Nasser. Gabrielle is a twin and she was heard saying “If my sister doesn’t like him that’s the total deal breaker. It’s so important to me and it just wouldn’t work if she didn’t like him”. Unrealistic.
‘Nasser on the other hand, who is 50, never married and with no kids, seemed highly concerned to learn Gabrielle had a child. This begs the question of whether it is realistic to expect that at 50 you will be meeting partners without children.’
‘In comes Ryan – a no-nonsense Aussie bloke who hasn’t tried to make a move on her and he’s very happy taking it slow but Davina is upset he hasn’t displayed the right level of affection,’ she said
Louanne said that Davina’s expectations were also unrealistic.
‘Davina complains that men take one look at her and are only interested in getting her into bed so she asked for a tradie who would take his time and look after her and have her back,’ Louanne said.
‘In comes Ryan – a no-nonsense Aussie bloke who hasn’t tried to make a move on her and he’s very happy taking it slow but Davina is upset he hasn’t displayed the right level of affection.
‘When it comes to searching for our mate, keeping an open mind, not injecting your values onto others with false expectations and unrealistic deal breakers can be the difference between relationship success and long term single town!’