Relationship experts who have spent three decades studying 3,000 couples and can predict within 10 minutes whether they will stay together, with 94 per cent accuracy, have revealed how to keep the spark alive in eight simple steps.
Psychologists John Gottman, 77, and Julie Schwartz Gottman, 68, from Oregon, have been happily married for 30 years, and have helped thousands of couples stay together.
Research by the pair, who have released a new book ‘Eight Dates: To keep your relationship happy, thriving and lasting’, has revealed that married couples talk for an average of just 35 minutes a week.
The couple’s book details how you can revive your relationship by ensuring you make time to reconnect, which issues you should address, and how the simple act of holding hands while you go for a walk can bring you closer together.
Speaking in the October issue of Red magazine, they shared their essential bite-sized guide in getting your relationship back on track.
Relationship experts who have spent three decades studying 3,000 couples and can predict within 10 minutes whether they will stay together, with 94 per cent accuracy, have revealed how to keep the spark alive in eight simple steps (stock image)
Date 1: Renew your commitment
Why
Declarations of commitment often only happen once in the form of legal papers, but declaring your allegiance doesn’t just need to be on paper and will re-cement your connection.
How
Discuss why and what you love about your partner and why they aren’t replaceable, how they make you feel, and accept their flaws.
This will build trust and strengthen your bond, as well as make you both feel valued and remind you what attracted you to each other and why you are together.
Date 2: Address difficult topics
Why
The goal is to help understand each other better and work out a way forward without letting any resentment fester.
How
This should be a productive discussion without confrontation or accusation. Do this while going for a walk together and holding hands to help create intimacy and make you feel you are on the same path.
Maintaining physical intimacy as well as mental intimacy is vital for a long lasting relationship, and couples are advised to talk openly about what they would like from their partner, as well as partaking in physical activities such as yoga before meeting to help with feeling in touch with their bodies (stock image)
Date 3: Relight the fire
Why
A commonly listed reason for the failure of marriages is a decline in sex, with this being the first area to suffer when life gets busy and routine sets in. Research reveals couples who talk about more sex have a better sex life and more orgasms.
How
Maintaining physical intimacy as well as mental intimacy is vital for a long lasting relationship, and couples are advised to talk openly about what they would like from their partner, as well as partaking in physical activities such as yoga before meeting to help with feeling in touch with their bodies.
Date 4: Talk about money
Why
Money is one of the top five reasons listed for the breakdown of relationships, and to avoid this couples should discuss it openly.
How
Couples are advised to discuss their financial plans, worries and expectations and to avoid comparing their work to that of their partner.
Go to a place that inspires you and create a plan or dream together that will inspire you and give you a common goal (stock image)
Date 5: Discuss family planning
Why
John found that 67 per cent of couples who had a child in the first four years of marriage experienced a drop in marital happiness.
How
They recommend discussing your childhood with your partner, what you want from family life, and what values are important to you when raising your child.
Date 6: Have fun
Why
John and Julie believe couples who play together, stay together, and you should think back to the most fun you had when you began dating, and how you can recreate it.
How
Couples should come up with three date ideas of adventurous things they haven’t done since the start of the relationship or things they have never done, such as having a whole date in the bathtub.
Date 7: Create shared rituals
Why
John and Julie’s research has shown that couples who believe their pairing is ‘sacred’ have a stronger connection, but this doesn’t necessarily need to be religious.
How
Create a special regular ritual just between the two of you, this can be sharing a kiss every morning, lighting a candle at dinner or another shared routine.
Date 8: Plan the future
Why
Dreaming and planning a shared future creates a shared desire and bond, while ditching your dreams can lead to resentment.
How
Go to a place that inspires you and create a plan or dream together that will inspire you and give you a common goal.
Psychologists John Gottman, 77, and Julie Schwartz Gottman, 68, from Oregon, (pictured) have been happily married for 30 years, and have helped thousands of couples stay together