‘She would rather let me sleep with someone else than with her’: Husband claims his wife has ‘given up’ – after refusing to have sex with him for four YEARS
- A man has spoken out about his wife’s continued refusal to have sex with him
- He explained she hasn’t wanted to have sex since the birth of their last child
- The man says his wife has joked about him seeing others to satisfy his ‘needs’
- He reveals he’s unsure of how to proceed since his wife seems to have given up
A married man has revealed his wife of fifteen years has completely stopped having sex with him and has ‘joked’ he should start seeing others to get his needs met.
The man outlined his situation in a letter to a New Zealand-based relationship columnist, Robyn Salisbury, saying the pair hadn’t had sex since their youngest was born four years ago.
He said although he and his wife had previously had sex a ‘couple of times a week’, he’d always been the one to initiate it and he’d noticed she’d never had an orgasm.
Although he’d attempted to discuss the pairs’ current situation, he said his wife had brushed off his concerns and even joked he should start seeing others to satisfy his sexual needs.
A man has revealed that his wife of fifteen years is refusing to have sex and the pair haven’t been intimate for the past four years (stock image)
‘Secretly I was angry that she seems to have given up and would rather let me sleep with someone else rather than with her,’ he said.
In response to the man’s dilemma, Mrs Salisbury, a psychologist writer for Stuff, said first she wanted the man to understand a ‘unilateral withdrawal from sex is never okay’.
She went on to explain that within the confines of an intimate relationship, changes to the conditions of what had been agreed on needed to be mutual, or at least properly discussed.
The expert said it was worth considering the man’s wife didn’t enjoy sex or that as a mother she’d struggled to feel ‘sexy’.
However, she said the only way the man would find out the truth would be if he were willing to initiate an open and deeply honest conversation.
‘Let her know that you love her dearly, that you are very hurt about the lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship and you want to change that.’
Once you are clear about what you want and what you will live with, you are in a good place to be expressing what sounds like your perfectly understandable wish to be desired
She also encouraged the man to say he recognised his wife may not enjoy sex and that he was willing to work on developing an understanding of ‘shared pleasure’.
However, ahead of any discussion, Mrs Salisbury urged the man to take some time to become really clear as to what he considered acceptable within the confines of their relationship.
She said the kinds of questions he needed to ask himself were was he willing to live the rest of his life in a relationship where he was sexually rejected or was he willing consider an option such as ‘outsourcing’ his sexual needs.
The therapist while it might be tempting for the man to accept his wife’s lack of sexual interest as his problem – this wouldn’t be helpful to the relationship (stock image)
‘Once you are clear about what you want and what you will live with, you are in a good place to be expressing what sounds like your perfectly understandable wish to be desired by the woman you love,’ she said.
Mrs Salisbury added while it might be tempting to accept his wife’s lack of sexual interest as his problem – this wouldn’t help either in ‘caring’ for the relationship.
‘Your wife does not have a responsibility to service you sexually but she does have a responsibility to explore her own sexuality and strive to be all she can be, for herself and for this relationship.’