One night, out of the blue, I received an email with no subject line. Like any email with no subject line, of course I opened it immediately.
It turned my world upside down.
‘You’re a disgrace of a human being. Tell me why you’ve been sleeping with my husband,’ read the first line.
‘I’m James’ wife and the mother of his seven children. We’ve been married for ten years and I can’t believe you would do this to me.’
Let me be clear from the outset – I’m no mistress, and never imagined being the ‘other woman’. But nor did I expect that James*, the man I considered my boyfriend, would turn out to be married with seven kids.
Before we go any further, let’s start from the beginning. After my divorce in my late 40s, I jumped back into the dating game and soon realised the pool of available men was remarkably shallow.
How do I put this? They tended to be boring, unkempt, revolting and thick as two planks. I can’t imagine they’re much better today.
But then I met James – online, naturally. He was tall, handsome, funny, generous and kind. We went on a few dates and I had a great time. He made me laugh and the fact we had similar interests certainly helped.
I dated a man for four months before finding out he was married and had seven children (stock image posed by models)
The only downside was the sex.
I don’t quite know how to say this without sounding like I’m being cruel to the man, but it was a huge letdown. To be completely honest, he was a hopeless lover.
He just wasn’t good in bed and needed to take Viagra to perform, which took the spontaneity out of our sex life.
Still, I overlooked it during the four months we dated because he seemed genuine and was different from my previous lovers who, by and large, were self-centred.
I love animals, meditation and art galleries, but I have always attracted men who like car racing and BBQs. Meeting cultured, sensitive James was a breath of fresh air.
He was also a true gentleman, opening doors for me and telling me how beautiful I was. In him, I thought I’d found my dream man. The sex, I figured, could always improve with a little communication, some guidance and even a longer-lasting ED medication that would allow for a bit more fun and flexibility.
How wrong I was.
After opening that email, the world swirled around me and I felt so dizzy I had to sit down. My heart started pounding and my knees went weak.
The audacity of this man was unfathomable. I just could not believe the betrayal.
His wife, a devout Christian, said she had found my email address on his phone and told me not to contact him again, calling me a ‘whore of Babylon’.
I blocked his number immediately, and could have blocked her email, too, but instead I spent about three weeks trying to get her to understand I was an innocent party.
I was desperate for her to know I had done nothing wrong. If I had known he was married and slept with him anyway, I would have deserved such insults. But I didn’t know, and of course he wouldn’t tell me – why would he?
His wife found my contact details in his phone and sent me an email. The world swirled around me and my head felt dizzy with confusion (stock image posed by model)
As we emailed back and forth, she gradually calmed down, and said that while she still thought I was evil, she would confront her husband and not lay the blame solely with me. Well, I guess that’s progress.
As several more days passed, I tried to get her on the phone, thinking that if she heard my voice, she would see I wasn’t some Jezebel.
But when we eventually did speak, she didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. She screamed at me through the phone, and I hung up after a couple of minutes of her Biblical abuse.
I’m rather ashamed to admit it, but my main thought was: how could such a dud lover like James inspire such passion?
Eventually, battered and exhausted, I had to block her. She just wouldn’t listen.
I cried myself to sleep in self-pity, wondering what I had done to deserve such bad luck dating after divorce. My friends and family had found their soulmates, some the second time around, but I hadn’t, and feared I never would.
So damaged was I by James’ betrayal that I began to obsess over our brief romance.
I became fixated on his failings in the bedroom and formed the belief in my mind that God or fate had somehow arranged it so he was such a bad lover I could never truly fall in love with him – therefore protecting me from a worse heartbreak.
It sounds irrational, but it was the only way I could rationalise those four crazy months and the devastating fallout of his wife’s discovery.
I stopped dating for a couple of months after it all went down. I wish there was a silver lining to tell you about, but things just went from bad to worse.
One suitor was wealthy enough to own his own plane, but was stingy with his money. Another had bad teeth, and a third had a tiny penis, which I just can’t overlook.
What I’ve found, however, is that rich or poor, older single men are all the same – none of them want to settle down and they’re always looking for a new, better-looking woman. Even if they don’t have much to offer themselves.
Now I’m 55 and have given up on dating altogether – it’s just not worth the time, effort and money. I will grow old and die alone. But at least I have the consolation of friends.
I sometimes feel sad that my beauty – still remarkable even as I approach retirement age – is wasted on being single. But I’m content looking after myself for myself – not anyone else.
It’s so much easier being single, and all the disappointments and betrayals are just not worth the trauma.
*Name has been changed
- As told to Carina Stathis
My husband is tall, dark and handsome – and loves it when I cheat: When he confessed his cuckold fantasy, I was shocked. Now I’m his ‘hotwife’ and other women are jealous
‘I’d love to see you with someone else in bed,’ my husband Tony* said one evening.
We’d just finished making love and I was a sensitive, sweaty, shaking wreck from the multiple orgasms he had expertly brought me to. After 20 years, our sex life was still sensational, though not as prolific as it used to be.
‘I mean it,’ he added. I looked up at him, not quite understanding what he meant. Tony’s voice was calm but charged with intent. This wasn’t dirty talk. He was serious.
At first, I was stunned. Was he serious? Confused but undeniably intrigued, I asked him to elaborate. That’s when he told me: he loved the idea of cuckolding.
We’re happily married, in our 40s, have three children and live a ‘normal’ life. But like so many middle-class couples, we wanted to spice up our relationship.
I’m still attracted to my husband and I can’t imagine life without him – he is tall, dark, handsome, successful and hard-working. When we do have sex – about once a week if we’re lucky – it’s always tremendously satisfying. But God do I miss those days when we would tear each other’s clothes off, or a single naughty text would have him racing home from work on his lunch break to ravish me…
When he shared his fantasies with me, I could sense his vulnerability – this was something he had clearly thought about for a long time. Instead of shutting him down, we decided to explore the idea together.
What followed has been nothing short of transformative.
Cuckolding is not something you discuss over coffee with friends, so we’ve kept it our little secret. After all, it’s not cheating if your husband is fully on board – especially when it’s his idea. For Tony, the thrill isn’t in being with someone else – he’s not interested in having an affair – it’s in watching me step into a new kind of freedom.
I could never have imagined the erotic joys of cuckolding until my darling husband confessed he wanted to watch me have sex with another man. Now I’m hooked on the ‘hotwife lifestyle’
After he revealed his sexual fantasy, we watched videos together. He told me all about the ‘hotwife lifestyle’ – a kind of open marriage where only the woman has outside sexual relationships while the husband stays faithful. He confessed what he wanted to see me do sexually with another man. We started planning in earnest.
At first, we decided to go to a bar and meet someone. It had been years since I turned my gaze elsewhere. But the timing never worked out. We almost gave up but decided to give it another go after a family holiday. This time, I started looking online and came across Ashley Madison, a website that encourages affairs.
I thought it could be the perfect place to find the connection we were looking for – and it was. I remember the night I signed up: I was fraught with anxiety and the sense I should be feeling guilty, but with Tony by my side it was thrilling.
I started chatting to other men, getting to know them and explaining our desires. I used the app daily to try to find a potential match, then would tell my husband all about it.
The first time we brought someone else into our bed – let’s call him Josh* – it was an intoxicating mix of nerves and excitement I hadn’t felt since Tony and I first got together.
We started as a trio, but soon Tony stepped back to watch as I took centre stage. As I put on a show for my husband, and lost myself in Josh’s muscular body, it was strange, exhilarating and oddly intimate in ways I hadn’t anticipated.
When Josh left an hour later, I saw a fire in Tony’s eyes I hadn’t seen in years. He threw me to the bed and made love to me. I was his again.
Giving me permission to have sex with other men doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me. If anything, I feel desired even more by him. When he reclaims me after I’ve been with another man, he’s more passionate than ever – it’s mind-blowing.
The ‘hotwife lifestyle’ is a kind of open marriage where only the woman has outside sexual relationships while the husband stays faithful (picture posed by models)
After our positive experience with Josh, I met another man online, James, in his 50s and also married with kids.
I spoke to him for a few weeks, was open and honest about the arrangement with my husband and he was happy with the plans. So I decided to meet him for a drink – without Tony.
I wore my favourite sexy red dress and black heels and curled my hair. Tony looked after the kids while I went out for the night – it was like going on a first date. James was charming and attractive. We had great chemistry and got along well. He’s very different to Tony, which makes it exciting for me.
Over a bottle of wine I asked about his interests, hobbies and dislikes – and if he goes on many dates. He was also seeking a connection with someone else and I felt like we got along well.
When the night ended, we didn’t kiss, but I knew I wanted to see him again. I rushed home like a 20-year-old with her head in the clouds and couldn’t wait to tell Tony about it.
The following week we decided to book a hotel room and turn Tony’s fantasy into a reality. The three of us met for a drink first for about an hour before deciding to go upstairs to the room.
As a 40-something woman, it was the hottest night of my life – possibly topping our wedding night.
Over time, I’ve developed great relationships with other men. I still chat to James daily and we meet for dates every fortnight. We have a physical relationship and it’s been nice to get to know someone new.
With James, I can let my hair down, have fun with him and forget I’m a mother for a few hours. The sex is great – quite different to Tony. Then I return home and tell my husband all about it and we make love.
Giving me permission to have sex with other men doesn’t mean my husband doesn’t want me. If anything, I feel desired even more by him. When he reclaims me after I’ve been with another man, he’s more passionate than ever (picture posed by models)
I prefer to meet with one gentleman at a time and develop a strong connection, rather than having a ‘roster’ of boyfriends on the go. Doing it this way keeps things exciting and means the lifestyle doesn’t get too overwhelming for Tony or I.
Hopefully it means our arrangement will last longer, too.
The hotwife lifestyle has improved my marriage drastically and in ways I couldn’t have imagined. Our sex has never been better and we’re closer than ever.
You might think Tony would become jealous, but he’s not. He knows I do this all for him. He enjoys watching me with other men. It’s a turn-on for him and if he ever wanted to stop our arrangement, I would in a heartbeat.
He is always included in the process. Even if I meet someone alone, I send him photos or videos so he doesn’t feel excluded. Then when I get home we’re always intimate as well.
Everyone says communication is key, but so are rules. When you open your marriage, you must always have rules and boundaries, and know what everyone wants and expects. You need to respect each other and have a conversation with everyone so that when you do meet up, everything is going to go smoothly.
We’ve sworn to keep our arrangement a secret. We live in a very middle-class world and don’t want judgement from others and don’t want to have to explain ourselves.
None of our friends or family know I’m a hotwife. There are a lot of people who would consider what we do to be a form of infidelity even though it was Tony’s idea.
Luckily, no one in our social circle has caught wind of our fun sex life – yet. But I expect if any of the other school mums were to find out, they’d be so jealous!
- Names have been changed. As told to Carina Stathis
***
Read more at DailyMail.co.uk