A woman has asked for advice after being branded ‘selfish’ for planning a trip away from her partner and their children for her birthday.
The British mother-of-three, 32, took to social forum Reddit to explain why she needs a break from her three children aged seven, four and two – as well as from her partner, 37, of twelve years.
The stay-at-home mother said she is tasked with full-time childcare, laundry and cooking while her partner – who works in IT – walks the dog as his only chose.
She said she needs a week off where she doesn’t have to ‘placate a crying child’, and reminisced over the last moment she had to herself which was at a pap smear appointment – which her partner even suggested she take the kids to.
The woman thought it unbelievable that her partner wouldn’t request annual leave to stay home with the kids while she jetted off on a self-funded holiday as a birthday treat.
Posted to Reddit’s popular AmItheA*shole forum, the woman’s story garnered sympathy from many who declared she was overdue for some time away.
A British mother-of-three, 32, took to social forum Reddit, to explain she was tasked with full time childcare, laundry and cooking and deserved a much-needed break for her birthday (stock image)
She wrote: ‘Me and my partner are in a disagreement. He thinks I’m selfish for considering this. I don’t think I am. He suggested I post here to see what you all say.’
‘We have been together 12 years. My partner has two responsibilities in terms of the house. He walks the dogs in the morning and he goes to work full time. More often than not, he falls asleep at 8pm. He works in IT.
‘We have three children (seven, four, two) and I am fully responsible for their care, as well as every household duty, laundry, cooking, cleaning. I am a stay-at-home mum, but I am also self employed, so after I look after the children all day, I then work for a couple of hours on my laptop.
‘My birthday is coming up. I asked my partner what he would think if I booked myself a vacation for a week on my birthday and went on my own. I asked if he could use his paid time off to take time off to look after and spend the week with our three children – taking them to school and taking care of the house.
‘He told me I was selfish. I asked him: “Is it selfish to want to go on holiday for a week for my birthday?” He said yes.
‘My partner hasn’t done a load of laundry in the ten years. He cooks dinner ‘occasionally’ (two times a month). He doesn’t hoover, mop, or mow lawns. I get it, he’s tired and he works full time, but I work too, and I don’t feel appreciated.
‘I just want a week where I don’t have to placate a crying child, or stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else’s good time while sacrificing my own.’
The stay-at-home mother said she was willing to fund the holiday herself if it meant she could get away from her family
She said that the last time she’d been away from the children and the house was her husband’s birthday dinner in March, and at her smear test which her husband tried to make her take the kids along to, even though he was at home.
‘The holiday would be paid for entirely by me,’ she said. ‘He gets 28 days of paid time off, not including bank holidays. Last year, he lost 12 days because he didn’t take them.’
One person responded saying the share of household duties had become ‘insanely unbalanced’ and advised the poster to jet away, saying: ‘You’re not a stay-at-home mum. You have a part time job. Your division of home labour is insanely unbalanced, and all of it falls to you. Of course your husband refuses to let you take a holiday, he’d have to actually lift a finger to parent his own children if you did.’
‘Please for your own sake book that holiday and inform him you will be going. Perhaps if he had to do a fraction of everything you’d done for years he’d finally see how unfair he’s been to you.’
The woman’s story garnered sympathy from many who declared she was overdue for some time away from her partner
Another added: ‘I definitely agree. Most fathers actually like thinking that housework and childcare is no big deal, and that their jobs are harder.
‘Him not wanting to stay at home with his own children and calling you selfish for wanting a break is really selfish of him and he probably doesn’t want her to have a vacation because he doesn’t want to do what she does on a daily basis even though it’s also his home and his children.’
Meanwhile a third referred to the man as a ‘child’, and said it was time to leave “permanently”. This man sounds so lazy, like a fourth child.
‘You were mad to have more than one child with him. She should have a holiday, permanently with the kids.
‘She’d be better off a single mother with child support than being married to this a**hole.’
However someone else took a different approach, adding: ‘I’m not sure you need a holiday as much as you need couples therapy to be honest.
‘This sounds like a hugely unfair set up and no wonder you are feeling so burned out.’
‘He’s not pulling his weight at all here – sounds completely draining to be married to a partner who does so little and apparently is willing to do so little more (take your kids to an invasive medical test?! No thanks).
‘I think you need to address that underlying issue. You’re not the a*****e for wanting the holiday but it’s a symptom of a much bigger problem.’
‘Put him in the bin’ stated another.
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