Is THIS why you get 'The Ick'?

Is THIS why you get ‘The Ick’? Term coined to describe a ‘sudden turn-off’ on a date goes viral on social media – but experts warn it’s a ‘defence mechanism’ and could be a sign you’re a commitment-phobe

The ‘ick’ is used to describe seemingly innocuous traits that are sudden turn-offs
Discerning singletons share their biggest ‘icks’ on Instagram and TikTok
But experts say it could just be a sign that you’re not ready for a relationship

By Will Pickworth For Mailonline

Singletons everywhere are taking to social media to swap stories about the turn-offs that give them ‘the ick’, but dating experts warn it could actually be a sign you’re not ready for a relationship.

‘The ick’ is a term that’s been coined to describe a ‘sudden feeling of repulsion and total turn-off from somebody you’ve been dating’, according to Michelle Begy, founder of London-based Ignite Dating.

Unlike major red flags like violence or infidelity, ‘the ick’ typically refers to ‘little habits or behaviour which suddenly become impossible to ignore’.

‘Running for the bus’, ‘chasing a ping pong ball’ and ‘sitting with your legs dangling from a bar stool’ have all been enough to give discerning daters the ‘ick’, if Instagram and TikTok posts are to be believed.

The trend has grown across Instagram and TikTok in recent months and #the’ick’ on TikTok has 128 million views.

Worryingly, the ‘ick’ can be enough to make ‘feelings of attraction you were recently feeling evaporate into thin air completely out of the blue’, Mr Begy says. Sometimes, it is enough for people to call time on a relationship altogether.

But experts warn daters should not be so hasty when it comes to getting ‘the ick’ and say it could be down to issues they’re dealing with, rather than their partner.

Tatyana Dyachenko, a sex therapist and psychologist, said: ‘Some people get the “ick” as a way of coping with a fear of commitment or a fear of intimacy.

‘If you regularly get the “ick” ask yourself if this is a dating habit that you have formed to protect yourself from disappointment or failure.’

Is THIS why you’ve gotten the Ick? Experts share the common reasons behind the turn-offs

Reflect on what’s behind the ‘ick’

Dr Elena Touroni, co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, said: ‘I would encourage exploration of where this feeling stems from and what might have triggered it.

‘It’s important to get clear on what’s really underneath this feeling to ensure that someone is making a decision that is in line with their longer-term goals.

‘Other times of course, the ‘ick’ might indicate that this isn’t the right person for you – and that’s OK too.’

Are your standards too high?

Clarissa Bloom, dating and relationship expert for The Stag Company, said: ‘You should contemplate if you’re putting your partner on a pedestal.

‘You might have raised your standards so high that someone that could make you truly happy is being ruled out for a minor attribute. You have to reflect and work out how important this ‘ick’ is to you and whether you can push through it.’

This is something that Ignite Dating’s Begy agreed with. She added: ‘Unreal expectations are unhelpful and may end up destroying something that could have been special.’

Focus on conversation, not spark

Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, focused on modern society putting unnecessary pressure on dating, said: ‘We should try to ignore our culture’s obsession with the ‘spark’ and focus on whether the conversation flows, whether the other person brings out a positive side of you and if you share similar values.

‘Don’t throw away a perfectly good connection because of something small – that won’t affect your relationship long-term.’

Are you looking for a reason for it to fail?

Rosie Wilby, author of The Breakup Monologues highlighted that the ‘ick’ is a problem most relevant to new relationships.

She said: ‘I was not over my ex and was not ready for a new relationship. I was actively seeking a reason to be turned off.

‘In longer-term committed relationships it doesn’t tend to happen because we accept our partner for all their disgusting habits, flaws and downright weird behaviours.’

Tina Wilson, relationship expert and founder of Wingman dating app, agreed.

She said: ‘Before you automatically get turned off and decide the romance is not going to go anywhere really think carefully about what it is that is making you feel uncomfortable. It may be a “you, not them” type scenario in situations.

‘The feeling can be deep rooted in your issues with commitment or a trigger for your past.’

The ‘ick’ does not need to be the death knell for a relationship.

‘If the “ick” hits, don’t panic,’ advises Mr Begy. ‘You need to take a step back and assess what’s going on.

‘If the initial rush of excitement means you’ve been living and breathing each other 24/7 perhaps you’re just craving some alone time. Assess what might actually be causing the feeling and see if the “ick” still lingers when you rekindle.

Experts warn daters should not be so hasty when it comes to getting ‘the ick’ and say it could be down to issues they’re dealing with, rather than their partner. Stock image

‘Don’t sweat the small stuff – if you have a genuine connection with somebody who makes you smile, treats you well and seems like the real deal, it’s hardly a deal breaker if they wear something you don’t like, they eat cereal noisily or send an emoji that grates on you.’

Lloyd, from Eharmony, concluded: ‘Lots of the “icks” people share on social media are entertaining material but hardly grounds for ending a promising relationship.

‘If you feel the “ick” my advice is don’t respond to it immediately and then you’ll be able to decide in a rational way whether this is a dealbreaker.

‘The danger is that if you end things based on an “ick” you may later regret your hasty decision. That said – no one should feel pressured to date anyone they’re not attracted to – dating should be a pleasure not a penance.’

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Read more at DailyMail.co.uk