Educating children about sex can be a daunting task for any parent.
Most haven’t been taught or had any experience talking to kids about the birds and the bees but Isiah McKimmie, an Australian couples therapist and sex therapist, told FEMAIL that it is something vital that we should do.
She said the average age that children are first exposed to pornography on the internet these days is just 11 years old.
‘Our young people are increasingly being influenced by this culture, so it’s more important than ever to provide them with a real sex education and to make yourself available to answer any questions your child may have about sex,’ she said.
Isiah McKimmie (pictured), an Australian couples therapist and sex therapist, told FEMAIL that talking to children about sex is something vital that we do
‘Deciding at what age to start educating your children about sex is challenging. The truth is, there’s no “appropriate age” to start talking to kids about sex,’ Isiah explained.
‘Children need age appropriate sex education at all ages.’
It may be tempting to wait until you feel like your child is old enough to understand or when they are approaching adolescence to broach the subject.
But children will often already have received information from somewhere else by the time their parents feel it’s appropriate.
Isiah said she believes parents shouldn’t just be having ‘one talk’, but an on-going conversation, that will change and evolve over time.
BE COMFORTABLE
Although it’s normal to feel awkward and uncomfortable talking to your children about sex, there are things you can do to make it easier.
‘As human beings, we’re wired to detect emotions and reactions,’ Isiah said.
‘Although it can be difficult, if you have feelings of shame, anxiety of discomfort discussing sex, your child will pick up on that, and is likely to feel uncomfortable in the conversation themselves.
‘The more comfortable that you are talking about sex, the more your children will understand that sex isn’t something they should be ashamed of and they’ll feel that they can approach you to talk about it.’
!['Deciding at what age to start educating your children about sex is challenging,' Isiah said (stock image)](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2018/01/15/06/48266AAF00000578-5269661-_Deciding_at_what_age_to_start_educating_your_children_about_sex-a-54_1515998054968.jpg)
‘Deciding at what age to start educating your children about sex is challenging,’ Isiah said (stock image)
![Isiah (pictured) explained that parents may feel tempted to use euphemisms such as 'v-jay or 'doodle' when referring to genitals but using anatomically correct terms are important](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2018/01/15/06/4826683800000578-5269661-Isiah_pictured_explained_that_parents_may_feel_tempted_to_use_eu-a-55_1515998054989.jpg)
Isiah (pictured) explained that parents may feel tempted to use euphemisms such as ‘v-jay or ‘doodle’ when referring to genitals but using anatomically correct terms are important
USE CORRECT TERMS
Isiah explained that parents may feel tempted to use euphemisms such as ‘v-jay or ‘doodle’ when referring to genitals but using anatomically correct terms are important.
She said the act of using nicknames or baby terms for genitals sends a signal to children that what you are talking about is something shameful.
‘It’s also important because if your child experiences sexual abuse, being able to use correct terms in describing what happening is going to support them in reporting the experience to a trusted adult,’ she told FEMAIL.
‘Penis is used for men. Though vagina is commonly used for women’s genitalia, this actually only refers to the inter vaginal canal.
‘Vulva is a term now widely used that includes the external areas.’
![Isiah also said that as children approach adolescence they need to be aware that not saying no also isn't considered consent (stock image)](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2018/01/15/06/48266AC300000578-5269661-Isiah_also_said_that_as_children_approach_adolescence_they_need_-a-53_1515998054903.jpg)
Isiah also said that as children approach adolescence they need to be aware that not saying no also isn’t considered consent (stock image)
TALK ABOUT CONSENT
Isiah said educating your children around consent is vital and kids need to understand what exactly consent is and understand they have autonomy over their own bodies.
‘They do not need to tolerate touch from anyone that isn’t wanted – this includes tickles, kisses and cuddles from family and friends and any kind of touch from someone they don’t know,’ she explained.
‘Learning to say “no” is something we need to practice – and know will be honoured.’
Isiah also said that as children approach adolescence they need to be aware not saying “no” also isn’t considered consent.
‘Unless someone specifically says “yes” and is cognisant of mind enough to do so, their sexual contact may be considered assault.’
![As the world we live in becomes more digital it can be more difficult for children to navigate the world of sexuality and relationships (stock image)](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2018/01/15/06/48266ABB00000578-5269661-As_the_world_we_live_in_becomes_more_digital_it_can_be_more_diff-a-52_1515998054742.jpg)
As the world we live in becomes more digital it can be more difficult for children to navigate the world of sexuality and relationships (stock image)
IT’S ABOUT SAFETY
‘Let’s be clear that being able to have open conversations with your child about sex also adds to their safety, both as children and adolescents,’ Isiah shared.
‘With open, honest conversation and a good relationship with your child, you can be someone your child feels comfortable coming to should issues arise.’
As the world we live in becomes more digital, it can be more difficult for children to navigate the world of sexuality and relationships.
It also means that when children seek answers online they can be left confused and traumatised about what they find.
‘It is possible to have open, honest conversations with your child about sex that increase their safety, sense of empowerment and enjoyment of sex and intimacy throughout their life,’ she said.