The festive season and heartbreak go hand in hand, according to one controversial relationship expert who slams Christmas drama as ‘ridiculous’.
Jake Maddock, who is known for his tough love approach to dating, claims people have to be honest about money, stress and expectations for the festive season.
‘The tradition of Christmas is all about joy. And yet, it’s one of the great relationship flashpoints. Christmas can be very stressful. Everyone has high expectations that reality doesn’t always meet,’ he told FEMAIL.
At risk of sounding like the Grinch Jake claims failure to follow his ‘five rules for Christmas’ will end in your relationship imploding by the New Year.
Jake Maddock doesn’t want to be the Grinch but has some very scary warnings about Christmas and the impact it can have on your relationship
‘The dramas Christmas cause are ridiculous,’ he said. ‘And the ways to avoid them are obvious.’
He knows this because January is his busiest months, as couples come to him in a final attempt to repair the damage of the silly season.
And gifting can be a huge part of the problem.
For example buying ‘her’ a vacuum cleaner is a clueless move that will leave you in the dog house.
And getting ‘him’ socks and jocks as stocking stuffers is a mighty red flag.
Followed by general budgeting for festivities.
‘Work it out together before you open your wallets. Respect the other person’s money concerns but don’t make Christmas miserable because you’ve cut so many corners,’ he said.
‘Conversely, don’t demand an all-out Christmas just because you think it should be massive. Both will just cause resentment and maybe another fight to drive you further apart.’
Jake has five tips to making it through to January without heart break:
Don’t take it out on your partner
‘It’s not their fault if you have ‘so many’ things to do before Christmas, work is busy and you’re exhausted,’ he said.
‘Plan ahead and plan better especially if this Christmas is not your first rodeo. And give yourself some wriggle room for the unforeseen.
More couples break things off over the Christmas and New Year period than any other time, Jake explained
‘If you haven’t planned and it’s all getting on top of you, know that it’s not going to get easier if you add a fight to your to do list.
‘Be nice. Your relationship will be soothed and grateful. And if your partner is stressed, for heaven’s sake, offer to help (that’s not the same thing as telling them how to do anything).’
Don’t bite off more than you can chew
You don’t have to race around to all the family Christmases in one day.
‘Work out a schedule across the two weeks or across years,’ he said.
‘Friends or family? How difficult is it to spread your socialising over Christmas’ two weeks?
‘Hate his/her parents? Tough. Suck it up. It’s one day out of 365. They hate you? Be the best person you can be. You don’t have to prove them right,’ he added.
Be the support you’d like you partner to be
‘They might even reciprocate. If they don’t know the people you’re with, make sure to include them,’ he said.
‘Doesn’t matter if it’s a work party or a family get together. Don’t leave them high and dry and hating you.
‘Don’t mock them in front of friends or family either – even if those friends or family are. If your partner is being teased, stand up for them.
‘And if a traditional Christmas argument brews, don’t join the opposite side to your partner. Keeping your relationship strong matters more than proving your view is right.’
Work out your gifting strategy
‘Don’t buy her a vacuum. Don’t buy him undies and socks. Set a price for your mutual presents and make them loving, romantic, or something that fits a passion they have.
‘Practical isn’t likely to fill their heart with loving feelings,’ he added.
Make time for each other
‘Don’t overcrowd Christmas with other people – not even children,’ he said.
‘Use it as a time to put some joy back into your relationship if that has been wilting. Think of it as the best Christmas present you can give yourself.’
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