For the life of me I can’t work out why so many couples c**k block themselves out of sex every Valentine’s Day.
It’s not rocket science: make your partner feel special and they will want to get naked with you.
When a day is literally dedicated to that, why not take advantage of it? Madness.
Every time I hear an ‘Oh, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, we think it’s a scam, I think, ‘WHAT? You’re missing the point. Valentine’s Day = sex.’
I love Valentine’s Day. I shouldn’t. I mean, I haven’t had a Valentine’s date in years. In fact, I should despise it and boo and hiss at every happy couple as they walk past holding hands. But I don’t. I love it.
‘Every time I hear an ‘Oh, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, we think it’s a scam’ I think, ‘WHAT? You’re missing the point. Valentine’s Day = sex,’ Jana writes
I love seeing the bunches of flowers delivered to work. I love seeing girls’ faces light up as they get delivered to their desks. I love seeing them doing hot laps around the office ‘in search of a vase’ which is really just an excuse to show off her flowery haul.
I really love watching alpha guys sheepishly walk down the street with a big bunch of flowers clearly on their way home to play the role of ‘perfect partner.’
I love walking past jam-packed restaurants filled with soppy, smiling couples. The day is like a cheesy Netflix movie and I, for one, am very much here for it.
So why do so many of you pooh-pooh it?
Is it because the idea of it makes you cringe? Well, never fear, because I’ve come up with nine rules that will take the ‘eww’ out of Valentine’s and get you nude in no time!
‘I love walking past jam-packed restaurants filled with soppy, smiling couples. The day is like a cheesy Netflix movie and I, for one, am very much here for it,’ Jana says
1. Thou shall not be the ultimate libido-killing bogan and rant on and on about how Valentine’s Day is a ‘Hallmark money maker’.
It makes you sound cheap and like a negative party pooper. You know, one of those glass-half-empty peeps who takes the fun out of everything. Lean into the day and get swept up in the romance. If only for the nudie rudie reward at the end of it.
2. Thou shall think outside the box for the perfect date night
Let’s get honest for a second, the cost of living is real right now so don’t stress about an expensive restaurant booking. Swing by your local takeaway, order her favourite food, then drop into your local liquor store and buy her favourite bottle of wine. Get a rug and hey presto you’ve got yourself a romantic picnic for less than $100. Heck, $50 if she likes a cheap and cheerful bottle of sparkles. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to cost you an arm and a leg. It’s all about the thought and attention.
Nothing kills a sexual appetite quite like a waft of stinky breath
3. Thou shall leave their phone at home, or at least in pocket or handbag
Nothing says I really enjoy your presence quite like your full attention. For one whole meal leave your phone out of arms reach and reconnect again. You may find that spark that has been missing for quite a while. Instagram can wait, your partner can’t.
4. Thou shall send flowers to the office NOT home
Do your partner a solid and let them parade that gorgeous bunch of blooms in front of their co-workers. It makes you look like a knight in shining armour and she gets to glow in the envy of the office.
5. Thou shall check in with their single friends
I may be an anomaly when it comes to the V-Day. I like seeing happy couples, but many singletons find this day tough. It can highlight that loneliness you’ve been trying to avoid. So check in on your friends. Send them a cute ‘Galentine’s Day’ meme, or if you are the singleton, why not gather your fellow comrades and spend the night together watching horror movies and eating all the carbs. This day doesn’t just have to be reserved for the loved up.
Let’s get honest for a second, the cost of living is real right now so don’t stress about an expensive restaurant booking. Swing by your local takeaway, order her favourite food, then drop into your local liquor store and buy her favourite bottle of wine
6. Thou shall not contact an ex
There’s no denying this day will put a big ol’ spotlight on your current relationship status. If you’re single you will feel EXTRA single. Don’t let that be an excuse to reach out to that toxic ex you kicked to the curb. Gather your friends, remove Instagram off your phone for the day, even delete his number for 24 hours to resist temptation. You don’t want to wake up the next day with regrets. Oh, so many regrets.
7. Thou shall put effort into their appearance
This is not a day for gym gear, shorts, or ripped undies. Oh, no. This is the day you get out that cute lace set, or sexy boxers. Spritz on a fragrance, brush your teeth (extra points for flossing), and pop on an outfit that makes you feel va-va-voom. The aim of the game is to want to rip each other’s clothes off by the end of it. So why not remind them of why they fell in love with you in the first place. Your shameless good looks.
8. Thou shall avoid garlic
Nothing kills a sexual appetite quite like a waft of stinky breath. Sure every pasta dish works better mopped up with some garlic bread, but for one night give it a miss. In the name of sex, people!
9. Thou shall cover thy pecker
Valentine’s Day lasts one day, not 18 years to a lifetime! Don’t get so swept up in the romance you forget contraception. No ‘oopsy daisies’ allowed.
Now go forth and the day, in the name of Cupid! If only for the extra bonus at the end. Wink wink.