The late night hosts went in hard on Ted Cruz Tuesday night in response to the Texas senator’s Twitter account liking a hardcore porn video.
Jimmy Kimmel led the way on his ABC show, joking that the video of a stepmother walking in on her stepson and another girl having sex was to Cruz’s liking because he is a ‘family values guy.’
He went on to say that he did not think Cruz would have actually been watching the adult video, stating: ‘I think he masturbates to poor people without healthcare.’
Kimmel later aired a parody ad he claimed was from a Cruz PAC that showed the politician’s face and asked viewers: ‘Is this the face of a man who masturbates?’
The ad then kept pausing to replace the selected photos, which showed Cruz’s eerie smile or contorted face.
It ended with a voice-over that stated: ‘Ted Cruz never masturbates. For America.’
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It’s going down: The late night hosts all discussed Ted Cruz and his Twitter account liking a porn film that depicted a stepmother walking in on her stepson having sex (Jimmy Kimmel above)
Cruzing: Kimmel said Cruz liked the video because he is a ‘family values guy’ then said the Texas senator ‘masturbates to poor people without healthcare’
‘If he had done something this perverted during the campaign, he might be president right now,’ joked the Jimmy Kimmel Live host at the top of his monologue.
‘This is especially funny because he is the one who had a law banning sex toys. So he is a lot of fun.’
Kimmel then noted that the post was up for hours before a member of Cruz’s team noticed it and thought to take it down.
‘According to the spokeswoman, the tweet has been removed he is and being punished for being a very naughty boy,’ said Kimmel.
‘But I have to say, I love this stuff. Let’s go through the possibilities of how the could have happened. I have four theories.
‘One, someone on his staff was browsing porn on Twitter and accidentally liked it.
‘Number two, his Twitter account was hacked.
‘Number three, Ted himself was looking at the porn. His wife Heidi woke up and he accidentally hit the like button while he was trying get his pants zipped up.
‘Or number four, Ted lost the presidential election. He’s been bullied by Trump. He didn’t get a cabinet position. He is tired of being the uptight person from Texas. Screw it. I watch porn in public right now. This is who I am.’
Kimmel then acknowledged that Cruz had blamed the incident on a staffer with access to his Twitter account in a statement earlier in the day.
That is when he joked: ‘I really honestly don’t think it was Ted Cruz. I don’t think Ted Cruz looks at porn. I think he masturbates to poor people without health care.’
Face the facts: The ABC host then aired a parody ad that denied Cruz masturbates by showing photos of the politician with an eerie smile and contorted face (above)
Repeal and replace: ‘Do you know what? Let’s go ahead and use another picture,’ said the voice-over as the photos was quickly replaced on the screen (Kimmel parody grab above)
The parody ad was then aired for the audience, which had the look and feel of the ones which millions of Americans watched during the campaign.
‘Ted Cruz is hard at work for the people of Texas. Yet the liberal media is so desperate to undermine him they’re claiming he liked a porn video on Twitter,’ said the voice-over as images from MSNBC and CNN hosts talking about the porn incident flashed on the screen.
‘For those who question Ted Cruz’ character, we ask you, does this look like a man who watches porn on his phone?’
A photo was then put up of Cruz with a tight smirk on his face staring down at a camera.
‘Do you know what? Let’s go ahead and use another picture,’ said the voice-over as the photos was quickly replaced on the screen.
‘Is this the face of a man who masturbates … wait, wait, hang on. Get the other.’
Then in quick succession three more photos went up and were quickly replaced in the ad.
‘Do you really believe this Princeton-educated man is so unaware of how to indulge his sexual urges in a healthy way, he memorized the nail of a Twitter porn handle so he could come back later and watch the videos without following the account itself? No. You don’t. Because it’s not true,’ said the voice-over.
‘Ted Cruz never masturbates. For America.’
Kimmel then joked after the ad had finished: ‘You know what Ted Cruz’s porn name is? It’s Ted Cruz.’
Don’t ask, don’t tell: ‘When asked to comment on this story, Ted Cruz said, ‘Don’t come in here!'” joked James Corden, who later flashed a fake comment from Cruz (above)
Beat it: ‘He’s ignoring me because he’s on his laptop,’ joked Mindy Kaling, who claimed Cruz was in her dressing room when she stopped by Corden’s show
James Corden also made Cruz the focus of his opening monolgue on his CBS show, devoting his entire first segment to the scandal.
‘Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. I’m very excited about tonight’s show. But, apparently, I’m not the only one who’s excited. Texas senator Ted Cruz is coming under fire because, late last night, his official Twitter account liked a pornographic video,’ the Late Late Show With James Corden host told the audience.
‘So, if you ever meet Ted Cruz on the campaign trail, you might want to think twice before shaking that hand.’
He then added: ‘Ted Cruz likes pornography. Sounds like Kim Jong-un isn’t the only one who likes to shoot off his Cruz missile.’
Corden, like Kimmel, then joked about Cruz’s physical appearance in photographs.
‘It’s crazy that this is the first time Ted Cruz has been caught looking at porn because, in every single photo, he looks like he just got caught looking at porn,’ said Corden.
‘When asked to comment on this story, Ted Cruz said, ‘Don’t come in here!”
Corden then pointed out Cruz had denied that he was the individual who had liked the tweet in question before stating that he believed it was ‘obvious’ that Cruz was responsible, and show have released a statement saying: ‘You got me. I was having a wank.’
The British-born funnyman added: ‘His approval rating would go up 50 points.’
Shock and awe: ‘It’s crazy that this is the first time Ted Cruz has been caught looking at porn because, in every single photo, he looks like he just got caught looking at porn,’ said Corden (above)
Cruz even found his way into Corden’s next segment about the new iPhone.
‘They say the new iPhone battery is good for up to eight hours of secretly liking porn videos on Twitter,’ said Corden in on bit.
Next he said: ‘Apple revealed this new phone has all kinds of great new features such as increased battery life, an edge-to-edge screen and wireless charging.
‘Then Ted Cruz was like, ‘Yeah, but is it moisture-proof?”
He kept things going with the next line as well, stating: ‘The iPhone X will have the sharpest, clearest video capability yet. The video is so clear, Ted Cruz will feel like he’s right there in the room masturbating.’
Speaking about the developments in the new Apple Watch Corden said: ‘It now has a feature that will let you know when your heart rate is elevated, but you don’t appear to be exercising. It’s called ‘Ted Cruz mode.”
And finally, of the new facial recognition program on the Apple phone Corden said: ‘It’s so good, it’ll even recognize Ted Cruz’s orgasm face.’
The show then went to commercial but came back with a check on Mindy Kalling in her dressing room, and another Cruz bit.
‘Who’s hanging out in there with you?’ asked Corden
‘I’ve got Ted Cruz in here on Twitter, hang on, replied Kaling.
‘Is he in the bathroom now?’ inquired Corden.
‘He’s ignoring me because he’s on his laptop,’ she replied.
Hard pass: ”Ew, gross,’ said the porn stars after hearing that Ted Cruz watched them,’ joked Seth Meyers (above), calling it the ‘second most embarrass thing’ Cruz has liked
Just beat it: ‘Some are wondering if he’s going to hire a PR team to beat the scandal, but Cruz says he plans to beat it alone,’ said Jimmy Fallon (above)
Over on NBC, both Set Meyers and Jimmy Fallon kept their bit relatively brief.
‘Senator Ted Cruz’s Twitter account last night liked a pornographic video about a woman who finds a couple having sex on her couch,’ said Meyers on Late Night with Seth Meyers.
”Ew, gross,’ said the porn stars after hearing that Ted Cruz watched them.’
He then added a little jab at President Trump, saying: ‘That’s right. Ted Cruz’s Twitter account was caught liking a pornographic post last night.
‘It’s the second-most embarrassing thing Cruz has been caught liking.’
And on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, the host said: ‘Last night on Twitter, Ted Cruz’s official account liked a pornographic video. The next time Cruz tries to reach across the aisle, the other senators will be like, ‘No, thank you. That’s good. We’re good.”
He closed out by stating: ‘That’s right, Cruz liked a a pornographic video. Some are wondering if he’s going to hire a PR team to beat the scandal, but Cruz says he plans to beat it alone.’
The only network host who did not weigh in was Stephen Colbert as he was in Los Angeles preparing to host the Emmy Awards this weekend and airing repeats.
The Daily Show also got in on the action, joking: ‘Only Ted Cruz would seraph for pornography by typing in “sexual posts.”‘
Host Trevor Noah then called that the ‘most generic, lame way’ to search for porn.
‘What else does he search? Uncovered swimsuit areas? Reproduction showing the outside parts?’ asked Noah.
‘I bet Ted Cruz doesn’t even watch the porn for the sex, he just gets excited to see strangers going over to other people’s house.’
He went on to joke that Cruz ‘probably just gets off by hearing the doorbell ring,;’ before simulating the face some make while having an orgasm.
Noah then took time to dismiss the outcry over the incident.
‘It’s not a scandal, everyone watches porn. it’s part of being a normal human being. Which is exactly why we know Ted Cruz didn’t do it,’ explained Noah.
‘He’s pretending to like porn as a way to blend in with the rest of the human species. Nice try Ted.’
Noah then joked ‘we know you got hacked.’