First impressions are so important. Just ask Brigitte Macron. Unfortunately, the first impression the geriatric French First Lady made when she and husband, President Emmanuel Macron, landed in Hanoi, Vietnam on Monday was of her palm and she made it right in his face.

Those waiting to greet the couple on their diplomatic visit to the Vietnamese capital had to do a double take as Brigitte’s gnarled 72-year-old hands could be seen forcefully pushing Manny’s head back so hard that he almost lost his footing.

He instinctively clenched his fist before realizing that he was in full view of the global press who were gathered on the tarmac below.

Like the buttery smooth politician that he is, mushed Macron immediately switched gears from abused hubby to dashing statesman, with an awkward ‘nothing to see here!’ wave.

Though as the May-December darlings descended the stairs, the president’s livid lady refused to hold his outstretched elbow – and Macron balled his fist tighter than a Parisian’s pout.

Well, of course, the rare First Couple fracas set tongues wagging.

At first, like all lying politicos, Marcon’s flacks tried to dismiss it all as a cheap fake (Who is advising them, Karine Jean-Pierre?). Then they claimed it was ‘horseplay,’ because who doesn’t stiff-arm their spouse in the face seconds before an international appearance?

Macron wasn’t always as dismissive of disturbing displays of domestic shovery.

The first impression the geriatric French First Lady made when she and husband, President Emmanuel Macron, landed in Hanoi, Vietnam on Monday was of her palm print and she made it right in his face. (Pictured: Emmanuel and Brigitte Macron in Hanoi on May 26).

The first impression the geriatric French First Lady made when she and husband, President Emmanuel Macron, landed in Hanoi, Vietnam on Monday was of her palm print and she made it right in his face. (Pictured: Emmanuel and Brigitte Macron in Hanoi on May 26). 

Those waiting to greet the couple on their diplomatic visit to the Vietnamese capital had to do a double take as Brigitte's gnarled 72-year-old hands could be seen forcefully pushing Manny's head back so hard that he almost lost his footing.

Those waiting to greet the couple on their diplomatic visit to the Vietnamese capital had to do a double take as Brigitte’s gnarled 72-year-old hands could be seen forcefully pushing Manny’s head back so hard that he almost lost his footing.

In a 2017 speech, he declared domestic violence to be ‘France’s shame’ and said that ‘France should no longer be one of those countries where women live in fear.’

Turns out the men, on the other hand, can still be scared sh**less.

Even Biden’s spin masters couldn’t cover up this un-sanctioned Power Slap competition, with the Frenchies eventually admitting that the Macrons had a ‘squabble.’

So, what’s the deal with these two?

Allow me to explain.

While their massive 24-year age gap would normally elicit a ‘you-go-girl!’ holler from international cougars, there something else to know about this mis-matched pair… she was also once his teacher!

Taking the concept of teacher’s pet to a whole new level, Macron was just 15 – the age of consent in France – when he met Madame Brigitte Auziere, then a 39-year-old teacher at the Catholic Lycee La Providence in Amiens where he was a pupil.

At the time, mother-of-three Brigitte was married to banker Andre-Louis Auziere and to add just a little more mustard to the mix, her eldest daughter Laurence was a classmate of Macron.

When Auziere found out about his wife’s affair with her student in the summer of 1994 – Macron and his Madame Robinson were caught sunbathing at the family pool – her husband reportedly felt like he’d been ‘slapped in the face.’ Macron knows how he feels.

Manny’s parents yanked him out of school and squirreled their pubescent horn dog off to Paris. But distance only made their lustful hearts grow hotter as Madame Auzière snuck off to the French capital on weekends to meet her juicy, young chicken nugget for forbidden romps.

And where was her embarrassed husband in all of this?

Burying his head and hoping all the nonsense would pass no doubt.

No such luck. Thirteen years after the sordid hump fest began, Madame and Monsieur Auzière were finally divorced, and Broke Back Brigitte’s mortified ex-husband became a recluse who was rarely seen in public again. He died in 2023.

Can you imagine how that poor guy felt, when his daughter’s classmate was porking his wife as the whole town gasped in disbelief? And then that slimy bastard becomes the President of France?!

Salt on the wound, Manny. What a cruel couple.

Of course, when Monsieur Margarine ascended through French politics to the presidency in 2017, lots of journos tried to dig up Auzière, but the classroom cuck wanted none of it. 

While their massive 24-year age gap would normally elicit a 'you-go-girl!' holler from international cougars, there something else to know about this mis-matched pair… she was also once his teacher! (Pictured: Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron in 2017).

While their massive 24-year age gap would normally elicit a ‘you-go-girl!’ holler from international cougars, there something else to know about this mis-matched pair… she was also once his teacher! (Pictured: Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron in 2017). 

Taking the concept of teacher's pet to a whole new level, Macron was just 15 – the age of consent in France – when he met Madame Brigitte Auziere, then a 39-year-old teacher at the Catholic Lycee La Providence in Amiens where he was a pupil. (Pictured: 15-year-old Emmanuel with Brigitte).

Taking the concept of teacher’s pet to a whole new level, Macron was just 15 – the age of consent in France – when he met Madame Brigitte Auziere, then a 39-year-old teacher at the Catholic Lycee La Providence in Amiens where he was a pupil. (Pictured: 15-year-old Emmanuel with Brigitte).

When Monsieur Margarine ascended through French politics to the presidency in 2017, lots of journos tried to dig up Brigitte's ex Andre-Louis Auzière, but the classroom cuck wanted none of it. (Pictured: Emmanuel and Brigitte after the French presidential elections in 2017).

When Monsieur Margarine ascended through French politics to the presidency in 2017, lots of journos tried to dig up Brigitte’s ex Andre-Louis Auzière, but the classroom cuck wanted none of it. (Pictured: Emmanuel and Brigitte after the French presidential elections in 2017). 

Now the disturbing personal history of ol’ Frenchy McGee is once again in the public square for an entirely new audience to dissect, and younger French folks are grossed out when they discover their country’s First Couple would today be branded predator and victim.

I know, it’s barfworthy. But really, who are we to kink-shame?

Maybe this master and servant dynamic is what makes the whole thing work.

He’ll always be the naughty schoolboy with mommy issues who’s asking for a good spanking, and she’ll always be his hot-tempered Golden Girl ready and willing to dish out some corporal punishment.

Les be honest

It’s been a tough week for the sapphic community. First, one-time lesbian, dance Moms alum JoJo Siwa, hard launched her romance with Love Island survivor Chris Hughes. 

Then, they/them Demi Lovato said ‘I do’ to he/him, Canadian musician Jordan ‘Jutes’ Lutes. 

We wish them all love and success, unless one of them decides that les is more again.

Hostage alert

Rumors are swirling that Brooklyn PELTZ Beckham is being held hostage by his heiress wife Nicola. 

The 26-year-old nepo baby – who says he hates being recorded – happily videoed himself whizzing through Beverly Hills on a motorcycle with his witchy wifey and captioned it, ‘My whole world x I will love you forever x I always choose you baby x you’re the most amazing person I know xx me and you forever baby.’ Blink twice Brooklyn.

Cereal killer

The curse of My 600-lb Life strikes again! 

Latonya Pottain has succumbed to her corpulence at just 40 years old. 16 portly souls have now lost their battle against the bulge, from heart complications, post-surgical infections and other maladies that follow years of obesity.

Our thoughts and prayers are with Latonya’s family.

Wrap it up

Plastic surgery lover Chrissy Teigen went under the knife and posted her mummified self in a massive head bandage on Instagram Live. Did she get a chin tuck? Does she have the mumps?

Not to worry, the chipmunk-cheeked ‘model’ just had a ‘hairline lowering procedure’.

Phewwww! Just when we feared she was running out of bits to surgically mangle.

Plastic surgery lover Chrissy Teigen went under the knife and posted her mummified self in a massive head bandage on Instagram Live. Did she get a chin tuck? Does she have the mumps?

Plastic surgery lover Chrissy Teigen went under the knife and posted her mummified self in a massive head bandage on Instagram Live. Did she get a chin tuck? Does she have the mumps?

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

President Trump has found a way to get Uncle Sam to pay for his birthday bash by throwing the Army a semiquincentennial fiesta. 

The Commander-In-Chief is rolling out the red, white and blue carpet with a $45 million missile-displaying bonanza for his 79th – oops, I mean the army’s 250th birthday. 

Just as well Elon’s out of the White House or he might have DOGE’d all over Trump’s parade.

***
Read more at DailyMail.co.uk