Moving in with a partner, for some is viewed as a trial run to marriage, for others it’s a a complete commitment itself.
These days living arrangements with a significant other are many and varied, and now there’s another option to add to the mix: LAT – living apart together.
It’s becoming an increasingly popular choice for couples who want to share their lives, but without the added pressure of domesticity, said couples therapist Isiah McKimmie for Body and Soul.
‘LAT enables people to avoid these relationship pressures and expectations while still experiencing intimacy.’
These days living arrangements with a significant other are many and varied, and now there’s another option to add to the mix: LAT – living apart together
Ms McKimmie outlines that one of the keys to making a relationship work over the long haul is to recognise each person’s need for space away from the relationship.
She said taking time out can help a relationship become more healthy because it allows the other person to focus on their needs separately.
‘Without any independence, we can become codependent and resentful of the relationship. Having our own downtime allows us to maintain our own sense of self. It also nourishes us and allows us to give more to the relationship.’
Taking time out can help a relationship become more healthy because it allows the other person to focus on their needs separately
Another benefit to this modern arrangement, Ms McKimmie states, is that by side-stepping the daily grind of domesticity, couples can connect more freely.
Not only are endless negotiations over household chores avoided, structure and routine is dispatched with, allowing for more spontaneity.
The relationship expert believes women especially can benefit from LAT, as time apart can help reduce familiarity.
‘Living apart can boost sexual desire which means that, even though you’re not living together, you experience as a couple,’ said Ms McKimmie.
LAT dispenses with endless negotiations over household chores which can at times lead to arguments and resentment
Though LAT has some appeal, Married at First Sight psychologist Melanie Schilling advocates for moving in before marriage, as a way to test the waters.
In an interview with 9Honey, Ms Schilling said couples who live together first can get a better perspective on whether the person they intend to settle down with is actually really right for them.
Psychologist Melanie Schilling advocates for moving in before marriage
‘My perspective on this is that “try before you buy” is perhaps the smartest thing you can do in a relationship.
‘Until you’ve done this, I don’t believe you can really start to make a smart, informed, objective decision about whether this person is right for you.’
While moving together might feel like a ‘trial marriage’, Ms Schilling believes it’s as important to view the arrangement as a considered commitment, not merely one that leads to a proposal down the line.
‘I would be weary to put a timeline on this because I really do believe it’s about the quality of the relationship and not the quantity of time.’
According to figures by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, four out of five couples live together before marriage.
However, research suggests that those who do cohabit and then do marry are slightly more likely to separate and divorce than those who don’t cohabit, said Janeen Baxter from the Australian Research Council’s Life Course Centre speaking to the ABC.
While moving together might feel like a ‘trial marriage’, Ms Schilling believes it’s as important to view the arrangement as a considered commitment
Though both experts share different opinions, they agree relationships need focused attention in order to thrive.
Ms Kimmie said a daily domestic situation can often result in taking the other person for granted and forgetting to do the ‘special things’ for that might have been done at the start of a relationship.
Ms Schilling stands by the tried and true date night as a regular way to keep romance alive and to lend a little sparkle to any situation.
‘Having one night a week or an afternoon or a breakfast, whatever it is that works for you, is a great way to signal to each other this relationship is important and we’re investing in the relationship here.’