Mark Hoppus revealed on Wednesday that the depression he suffered after being diagnosed with cancer robbed him of his will to live.
The 50-year-old Blink-182 bassist recalled one time after his lymphoma diagnosis when he was ‘in the living room crying’ as he told his wife Skye, ‘I don’t know if I can do this,’ according to a new interview with People.
But the darkest depths of the musician’s depression have since receded, and he has been getting back into the swing of his old life since doctors declared him cancer-free in September 2021.
Dark days: Mark Hoppus, 50, revealed in an interview with People from Wednesday that he had contemplated suicide at the darkest parts of his cancer journey; seen in November 2021
Hoppus explained just how ‘dark’ his thoughts had gotten after making his tearful confession to his wife.
‘She was like, “Well, what are you going to do, kill yourself?” And that’s exactly what I was thinking. It was pretty dark,’ he said.
But he found his wife’s blunt question to be a ‘total snap-out-of-it moment’ that helped distance himself from the negative thoughts.
‘I was like, “What a s****y thing to say.” But also, what a kind thing to say, like, “Snap out of it, you f***ing baby. You have a beatable form of cancer. It’s going to suck to get there, but get there.” I had to do the work.’
Saying it out loud: Hoppus recalled tearfully confessing ‘I don’t know if I can do this’ to his wife Skye, who asked, ‘Well, what are you going to do, kill yourself?’
Wakeup call: He found his wife’s blunt question to be a ‘snap-out-of-it moment.’ ‘I was like, “What a s****y thing to say.” But also, what a kind thing to say, like, “Snap out of it, you f***ing baby”‘
Although Hoppus’ cancer was already in stage four when he was diagnosed in April 2021, indicating that the cancer had already spread from his lymph nodes to at least one organ — according to the American Cancer Society — lymphoma is more treatable at that advanced stage than some other forms of cancer.
Still, he said the chemotherapy treatments he underwent were ‘brutal.’
‘I had no energy and ended up being on the couch just trying to get through the day,’ he said. ‘I had the worst brain fog.’
The pop-punk rocker remembered one time he was dining with friends when he realized that he couldn’t remember the first name of one of his pals’ husband.
‘And it was like that all the time,’ he added. ‘I still feel it once every couple days — I’ll forget a word — but it’s much better.’
Out of it: ‘I had no energy and ended up being on the couch just trying to get through the day,’ he said. ‘I had the worst brain fog,’ he said of his ‘brutal’ chemotherapy treatments
Mark also revealed that discovering a lump was what set off his cancer journey.
‘I texted my doctor: “Hey, weird lump on my shoulder. It’s either a pulled muscle or a deadly lymphoma,”‘ he said. ‘I was trying to make a joke out of it.’
But his amateur diagnosis turned out to be right on the money. In addition to the tumor on his shoulder, doctors discovered several others, including tumors in his stomach and elsewhere in his abdomen, along with a concerning tumor in his neck that was the size of a grape.
Adding to the confusion and chaos of the early post-diagnosis days was when he accidentally posted a bit of gallows humor — a photo of himself captioned, ‘Hello, yes. One cancer treatment please’ — to social media, instead of to the friend he meant to send it to.
But after his five months of treatment and his cancer remission, Hoppus is slowly but surely getting back to normal.
‘Today I’m doing good. The recovery is taking a lot longer than I had hoped, but I am in a much better place,’ he said. ‘I feel like I have a second shot at life.’
On the upswing: He was declared cancer-free in September 2021. ‘Today I’m doing good. The recovery is taking a lot longer than I had hoped, but I am in a much better place,’ he said. ‘I feel like I have a second shot at life’