If you had one chance, one opportunity, to earn $1,000 every time you strip off and squat on Instagram, would you go after it, or just let it slip?
That was the question posed by our three relationship Stooges during Married At First Sight’s first commitment ceremony on Sunday, as ten couples decided whether to stay for the pay.
Meanwhile, Australians were forced to decide whether they would rather watch fiery fights or Fire Fight, as MAFS competed with Seven’s bushfire charity gala in the ratings.
The commitment ceremony: On Sunday night’s episode of Married At First Sight, ten couples decided whether to quit or stay for the pay
In the real world, couples counselling sessions are held in private rooms with trained professionals.
But this is reality TV, so instead the cast were given ringside seats to watch a public forum hosted by three volunteer psychologists that Nine found sleeping in the car park.
The following is a (mostly) accurate summary of the commitment ceremony, which is kind of like the fauxmance equivalent of Survivor’s tribal council.
Real(ity): In the real world, couples counselling sessions are held in private rooms with trained professionals. On MAFS, ten couples get stadium seats to watch the bloodbath, hosted by three volunteer relationship experts that Nine found sleeping in the car park
Hayley and David
The Main Event: Hayley bursts into tears when David calls her a ‘recovering’ drug addict rather than a recovered drug addict
We’ll start with the spectacular main event, which was the only session that felt real, as David brought up Hayley’s brutal criticism of his $25-an-hour wage.
Hayley burst into tears when David called her a ‘recovering’ drug addict rather than a recovered drug addict.
Hayley: ‘I’m not my past!’
David: ‘My father is a cop so I classify your smoking as drug use. In other words, you’re not your past, but your present isn’t doing it for me either.’
Decision: STAY. (We hate each other but we want money.)
‘I’m a good egg!’ She cries when David seems to classify her smoking as drug use and insists that cigarettes were his only deal breaker. Decision: STAY. (We hate each other but we want $)
Cathy and Josh
Sexual healing: John Aiken: ‘So, how is everything going with you two?’ Josh: ‘Heaps of sex, thanks. Yourself?’ Decision: STAY
John Aiken: ‘So, how is everything going with you two?’
Josh: ‘Heaps of sex, thanks. Yourself?’
Decision: STAY.
Amanda and Tash
In the zone: ‘I got friend-zoned on our honeymoon,’ says Amanda. ‘I’m really committed to making this FRIENDSHIP work,’ replies Tash
Amanda: ‘I got friend zoned on our honeymoon.’
Tash: ‘I’m really committed to making this FRIENDSHIP work.’
Tash went on to explain how Wednesday’s dinner party – where she ignored Amanda to set up a ‘free lap dance’ booth for the other brides – was a good ‘bonding moment’.
Decision STAY. (We’re not leaving until we have more Instagram followers than Rove McManus.)
‘Bonding’: Amanda blatantly lies and says the dinner party was a good ‘bonding’ moment, even though Tash spent the entire night giving free lap dances
Stacey and Michael
I’ll have what she’s having! John: ‘How is everything going with you two?’ Michael: ‘What Josh said but add “I’m obsessed with her.”‘ Stacey: ‘You can’t tell, but I’m smiling through the pain’
John: ‘So, how is everything going with you two?’
Michael: ‘What Josh said but add, “I’m obsessed with her.”‘
Stacey: ‘You can’t tell, but I’m smiling through the pain.’
Decision: STAY. (Stacey isn’t going anywhere until those law firms respond to her calls.)
Decision? STAY: Stacey isn’t going anywhere until those law firms respond to her calls
Mishel and Steve
Three’s a crowd: John is too busy frothing over Steve’s hair to pay any attention to Mishel. Decision: STAY. (We have no complaints, which is this show’s equivalent of true love)
John: ‘Hey Steve!’
Mishel: ‘I’m here too.’
John: ‘Cool. So Steve, would it be weird if I got the same haircut as you? This Newtown hipster fringe isn’t working for me.’
Decision: STAY. (We have no complaints, which is this show’s equivalent of true love.)
Poppy and Luke
Full of it: Poppy: ‘You guys paired me with a “feeder” and I’m already too full of my own self-loathing. So I’ll just lie and say, “I miss my kids”‘
Poppy: ‘You guys paired me with a “feeder” and I’m already too full of my own self-loathing. So I’ll just lie and say, “I miss my kids.”‘
Luke: ‘She gets like this when she’s hungry.’
Well, she is full of it, if that’s what you mean
Decision: STAY. (Who needs chemistry when you’ve got bills to pay?)
Decision: STAY. (Who needs chemistry when you’ve got bills to pay?)
Aleks and Ivan
Met our match: Ivan praises the experts for finding the only woman who hasn’t referred him to ASIO. Aleks says: ‘I asked for tall, dark and handsome – and one out of three ain’t bad!’
Ivan: ‘We’re both loud, opinionated and on the same ASIO database.’
Aleks: ‘I asked for tall, dark and handsome – and one out of three ain’t bad! He just needs to keep his opinions, and body parts, to himself and we’ll be fine.’
Decision: STAY. (We’ll hate each other until the day we die.)
Decision: STAY. (We’ll hate each other until the day we die)