A personal trainer who used to suffer from an eating disorder has revealed how she has learnt to embrace the changes in her body and change her attitude towards food.
Colleen O’Donnell, 21, from Massachusetts, has detailed her recovery journey on her Instagram page under the name @cocos_gymsta.
A student at Stonehill College in Easton, Massachusetts, the petite blonde has revealed that if, ‘I didn’t take control, it scares me to wonder where my life would be now.’
![Making a change: The college student, pictured at a healthier weight, says that if she hadn't 'taken control' she doesn't know where he life would have ended up](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/13/46E0C94C00000578-5137951-image-m-20_1512395623210.jpg)
Recovery: Colleen O’Donnell, 21, a personal trainer from Massachusetts, used to suffer from an eating disorded (pictured left) but has since transformed her outlook on food
![Life lessons: A student at Stonehill College in Easton, Massachusetts, the petite blonde, pictured here in June 2017, documents her recovery on her Instagram page @cocos_gymsta](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/13/46E0C96000000578-5137951-image-m-22_1512395650138.jpg)
Life lessons: A student at Stonehill College in Easton, Massachusetts, the petite blonde, pictured here in June 2017, documents her recovery on her Instagram page @cocos_gymsta
![Food as fuel: In 2015, Colleen says she used to 'obsess' over macros but now sees 'food as fuel',](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/13/46E0C94800000578-5137951-image-m-16_1512395568147.jpg)
![Gym bunny: Colleen frequently posts pictures of her gym workouts but says the key to her recovery was not working out](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/13/46E0C96C00000578-5137951-image-a-17_1512395585547.jpg)
Food as fuel: In 2015 (pictured left), Colleen says she used to ‘obsess’ over macros but now sees ‘food as fuel’, pictured right in 2017
![Baby steps: Colleen says she didn't 'touch a weight' or 'do more than a brisk walk' for over a year so her body could gain fat and her hormones could go back to normal](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/13/46E0C94400000578-5137951-image-m-24_1512395813559.jpg)
Strong not skinny: Colleen says she didn’t ‘touch a weight’ or ‘do more than a brisk walk’ during the first year of her recovery so she could gain fat
And although her slim physique now boasts muscles, honed from hours in the gym, her initial recovery consisted of hardly any time in the gym.
Writing on Instagram, she revealed: ‘So so many of you ask me if I went right into the gym to gain all “muscle weight” and avoid gaining fat.
‘News flash: I didn’t touch a weight or do more than a daily brisk walk (~15 mins) for over a year… GAINING WEIGHT = GAINING FAT… aka the necessary fat for nutrient absorption, proper hormonal signaling, maintaining body temperature, and the list goes on.’
She added that ‘baby steps’ led to ‘big changes’ and that a ‘different mindset’ was key to her recovery.
Posting a before and after picture, Colleen said: ‘Besides the obvious differences; (actually having boobs, 25+lbs of necessary weight and a nicer tan lol), there has been such a change in mentality from the girl on the left.
‘I am not where I want to be yet and THAT’S OKAY…’
She added: ‘What a lot of people don’t understand about recovery is that you don’t just decide to recover and flip off a switch in your brain.
![Changed: The fitness fanatic says she doesn't live in fear of food anymore but did in the past, pictured in April 2015 before her recovery](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/15/46E0C96400000578-5137951-Changed_The_fitness_fanatic_says_she_doesn_t_live_in_fear_of_foo-m-1_1512401716992.jpg)
![Food baby: Colleen, pictured here in July 2017, says she now 'embraces' food babies and bloating](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/15/46E0C96400000578-5137951-Food_baby_Colleen_pictured_here_in_July_2017_says_she_now_embrac-m-3_1512401742116.jpg)
Food baby: Colleen says she now ’embraces’ food babies and bloating and doesn’t live in fear of food, pictured left in April 2015 and right in July 2017
![Foodie: Her favorite foods include Brussels sprouts, banana, peanut butter, sweet potato, and chocolate](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/14/46E0C95900000578-5137951-image-m-62_1512397896554.jpg)
Foodie: Her favorite foods include Brussels sprouts, banana, peanut butter, sweet potato, and chocolate
![No more macros: Colleen (pictured in 2015) admits that counting macros led to her being 'obsessive over the numbers' so she doesn't do it anymore](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/14/46E0C95400000578-5137951-image-m-48_1512396185845.jpg)
![Enjoy life: Colleen, pictured in 2017, now advocates that snacking in moderation and eating out won't 'ruin' her progress](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/12/04/14/46E0C95400000578-5137951-image-a-49_1512396196719.jpg)
No more macros: Colleen (pictured left in 2015 and right in 2017) admits that counting macros led to her being ‘obsessive over the numbers’ so she doesn’t do it anymore
‘You don’t wake up one day and find you’re freaking cured HA… It is a CONSTANT battle & work in progress. Do negative thoughts still bother me? Sometimes. Do I let them control my health and well-being? NO.’
She concluded that in order to get better, she had to take control of her life and stop letting ‘disordered thoughts’ overrule.
Listing her favorite foods as Brussels sprouts, banana, peanut butter, sweet potato, and chocolate, she also typed, that she now sees food as ‘fuel’.
And she doesn’t obsess about macros like she used to either, preferring not to be obsessive over numbers. She also says she embraces the odd ‘food baby’ and that she doesn’t live in ‘perpetual fear’ of food anymore.
‘I ALWAYS get the question about macros and if they’re good to calculate… My answer is they are totally fine to count if you’re in a healthy place to do so,’ she said.
However she said that at one point she became ‘obsessive over the numbers and the amounts’ to the point ‘an extra damn chickpea’ could throw off the count, but does agree that counting macros is fine if people aren’t ‘obsessing’ and can still ‘make room for fun & eating out with friends/fam’.
‘Enjoying those drinks/snacks in moderation won’t ruin your progress peeps believe me,’ she added.