Mean Girls: The Musical is riotous nostalgia trip with kickass characters and fresh jokes, but uncatchy songs drag, writes GEORGINA BROWN

‘On Wednesdays, we wear pink.’ 

And no one disobeys Regina, queen of the Plastics: the cold, hard, shiny, rich bee-atches who dictate the dress code and rules of popularity at North Shore High, Illinois.

It was a Wednesday, so, as a committed critic, and in thrall to Regina and the 2004 Tina Fey teen-movie which made a star of 16-year-old Lindsay Lohan, I was Calpol coloured for the gala night of Mean Girls, the musical. On the pink carpet, stars were sipping rose.

This is a nostalgia fest for those who already have the T-shirt, know every smart, tart, jokey line, and heartily agree with its Hollywood-wholesome message: ‘Calling somebody else stupid doesn’t make you any smarter.’ Fans will doubtless make a gala of every night.

For any losers who don’t know it, this is the story of Cady (Charlie Burn) who, home-schooled in Africa, finds herself in the human jungle that is American high-school.

For any losers who don’t know it, this is the story of Cady (Charlie Burn) who, home-schooled in Africa, finds herself in the human jungle that is American high-school

Bemused by the cliques, belittled by the bullies, she is taken under the wing of art-freaks Janis (excellent Elena Skye) and Damian (a brilliantly bouncy Tom Xander), who persuade her to infiltrate Regina’s gang in order to seek revenge. But Cady is in danger of falling under her spell. As are we all.

Updated by Fey (even Ozempic gets a mention), there are new lines to treasure: ‘Sometimes I feel like a smartphone without a case…. I could just shatter,’ says super-insecure Gretchen (Elena Gyasi), one of the tyrannical trio.

Alas, no take-home tunes. Uncatchy pop songs composed by Fey’s husband Jeff Richmond, with lyrics by Nell Benjamin (‘I’ve got status, I’m a badass’ will stick) add more length than strength to the lean, mean original (better served by Blondie and Janis Ian, and the choreography (Casey Nicholaw) is as uninspired as an aerobics work-out.

But it remains a terrific tale filled with kickass characters, brought to riotous life by a cracking cast.

The musical remains a terrific tale filled with kickass characters, brought to riotous life by a cracking cast (Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Seyfried, Lacey Chabert and Regina George in the film)

Mean Girls was created by Tina Fey who starred in the film as Ms Norbury 

As the third Plastic, Karen, a hilarious Grace Mouat manages to make walking look like a challenge for this fabulously dumb brunette. But her dancing sets the stage alight.

We should hate Regina for telling a boy that his teeth look like corn, but Georgina Castle’s Regina is not only ‘the prettiest poison you’ve ever seen’, she radiates girl-power with a regal, slow-mo grool (which is what happens when great meets cool) and makes insults feel like kisses.

No one has ever styled a dustbin bag better.