While pop culture has propelled once-taboo subjects like BDSM, fetish parties and dominatrix dungeons to the fore, a leading ‘pro-domme’ said that a lot still has to be done to make her industry inclusive for marginalized people.
‘It’s kind of interesting, because BDSM, having a dungeon, being a domme, ballroom culture, it’s all so cool now, but at the same time, it’s still not,’ dominatrix turned nightlife entrepreneur Venus Cuffs told Paper magazine.
The New York-native, now in her 20s, turned to ‘dommeing’ when she found herself homeless as a teenager when her father passed away. Years later, she reflects on how she put herself through college debt-free, gaining a finance and business management degree, and turned her clandestine profession into a visible, profitable way of life.
Flame-haired: Venus Cuffs, pictured, spoke about how her experience dommeing ‘out of necessity’ led to a career party planning, hosting empowering events and creating safe spaces
‘When you hit rock bottom the only place there is to go is up from there. When I was homeless I will never forget the people that ignored me or looked down on me being in a situation I didn’t ask for,’ Venus told DailyMail.com.
Advocate: New York-based Venus wants to advocate for people who are routinely discriminated against in the world of dommeing and adult entertainment
‘I will also never forget the people that were beyond kind and literally bought me clothes and food. I learned a lot about how to read people because I had to try to anticipate danger.
Though she was just 17 when she began working as a domme (pronounced ‘dom’ or ‘dom-may’) Venus said she wasn’t as scared as one might think.
She joked, ‘Most teenagers begin exploring sex or at least know about sex…. surprise!
‘I explored sex differently because my needs as a teenager were different. I was a pretty independent 17-year-old. I had cool friends and went to a lot of LGBT drop-in agencies for support.
‘While some teens were chasing boys, I preferred them to chase me. While other teenage girls were tearing themselves apart for boys, hoping they liked them, I was turning them down for fun.
‘Most of my peers were homeless and kicked out of their homes for being gay or trans. Sex work for a lot of youth was super common because they did it for survival,’ she recalled.
Exploration: Venus, pictured recently, said she explored her sexuality different to most other teenagers and found solace at drop-in LGBT agencies
‘I wasn’t scared of these cis men because a lot of their power is made up. A lot of it is an illusion we subscribe to. Now look at all of us! Out here crushing it. In a lot of ways I suffered earlier in life so I could enjoy the rest of it. I have no regrets,’ she said.
To this day, Venus credits her stint being homeless and fending for herself for instilling the attitude that has led her to where she is today.
After working in ‘dungeons’ in New York and Los Angeles, Venus wanted to create more inclusive events for those whom she had seen marginalized.
‘I took chances because I knew I wanted more. It’s a survival thing that kicked in and I had to take risks to get where I wanted to. I had to work to get out of that situation and stay out of the situation,’ she said.
‘It is one of the reasons I am so good with others socially today. I can read them; I people watch and can understand body language and tone,’ she said. ‘I can read a room and know exactly what music to play or what ice breakers need to happen.
‘I think more businesses can greatly benefit from hiring people who are homeless. No one understands people at their core better than someone who has lived that experience.’
Dance party: After successfully planning and hosting underground events for years, Venus turned her attention to things like dance parties and panel discussions
Venus is an advocate for those who are discriminated against: Black and trans women, sex workers, ‘fat femmes’, members of the LGBTQIA+ community and disabled folks. She previously said she has witnessed these people ‘get kicked out nine times out of ten’ when they attend parties in her world.
In response, after earning a reputation through her private client sessions and allowing other pro-dommes to use her space, she started to delve into other events such as hosting, what she calls, ‘fat femme empowerment events’ and safe, inclusive fetish parties.
Soon, a whole array of events followed and her reputation as a ‘NYC nightlife mogul’ was cemented.
‘When I was at my lowest point in life so many folks showed up for me,’ she said. ‘Now, it’s my job to show up for others. I’ll host everything and anything where I can spread love: shows, parties, hostings, classes, I do it all.’
‘I run my events the way most bosses run companies because I have an understanding of how businesses work and what it takes to run that business,’ she added.
‘Running businesses are hard work but there is an art to it. What you put in is what you get out of it. There is no luck, it’s art. I believe my degree [in finance and business management] propelled my career in many ways because I have an understanding and respect for the art of business. ‘
Instagram: Venus posts snippets into her life as a pro-domme online, gaining almost 19,000 followers in the process
And of course, inclusivity is at the forefront of everything she does.
It’s of the utmost importance to ‘give people the room to just exist,’ she said.
‘Be intentional about welcoming them. Get rid of hateful people and abusers. The goal is love; there is so much hate in the world. For the time they come to my events, I want them to feel safe. I embrace all the sl**s, weirdos, dykes, hippies, all colors, all religions, all walks of life…’
Leader: Venus, pictured, said change will happen in her industry as a result of ‘small movements’
‘I hate going to parties and seeing the same person over and over in a room. Diversity makes events better. It makes it more fun,’ she said.
‘There are more interesting people to meet. It improves the fibers of our society. There are folks who met at my events and are now married who you would never think would click. It brings so much joy to my heart!’
A listing for an upcoming event she is hosting in Brooklyn reads, ‘This studio welcomes all races, religions, gender identity or sexual orientations. Come one come all. Ask for pronouns and never assume.’
She adds, ‘Consent is a big f**king deal to Venus. Violation of anyone’s consent is grounds for removal and being temporarily or permanently banned from the studio. I promise. Don’t f**k it up for yourself.’
And while it irks her that competitors describe their events as inclusive when they are far from it, she is focused on what she is doing first and foremost.
Party planner extraordinaire: A flyer for a sample event that Venus runs, at clubs in Brooklyn like House of Yes
Come one, come all: Venus hosts an array of events, such as a ‘Fat Femme Lingerie Party’ which was hosted this summer
Despite movies like Hustlers which follows the real-life story of New York City strippers raking in millions of dollars at the box office and Netflix creating a show called Bonding, Venus recently told Paper Magazine that ‘sex work is still, inherently, not safe.’
She pointed to the SESTA-FOSTA legislation (Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act/Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act) which was signed by President Trump last April.
However, countless sex workers have declared that the legislation has made their work even more dangerous as it forced many of them on to the street to find business.
‘I hope this year brings more understanding for one another,’ Venus said. ‘I hope people understand that if you don’t want sex work to be a thing for young people, create actual opportunities for those who weren’t born rich and end up on the streets.’
‘I hope there are actual conversations, instead of attacks and screaming over each other. I hope we all remember that tomorrow is not promised and we need to live today for a better tomorrow. I hope we can respect our earth more and give our grandchildren and all the life around us a chance… I want us to do and be better,’ she said.
As for herself? She said she ‘definitely’ needs a vacation. But that doesn’t mean she’s slowing down.
‘I want to hold some events geared straight up towards loving one another. I definitely want to invest in real estate next year too and I want to travel more, be kinder to myself and do way more self care. And bring my events to different cities!’