Melanie Chisholm has revealed she was sexually assaulted in a hotel the night before the Spice Girls’ first concert.
The singer, 48, told how the ordeal affected her so much that even though she tried to bury the memory, it returned in a dream as she was writing her new autobiography.
Melanie, who also revealed she still suffers from depression, said she ignored the incident because of her fear of upsetting people – a trait which also later stopped her from seeking the help she needed when she wanted her life to end.
Ordeal: Melanie Chisholm has revealed she was sexually assaulted in a hotel the night before the Spice Girls’ first concert
The Sporty Spice star said at the time of the sexual assault, when she was 23, she was scared to make a fuss and had too much on her plate with the Spice Girls gig in front of an 8,000 capacity crowd in Istanbul in 1997.
But she says failing to deal with it led it to fester in her mind so much that out of nowhere it came out in a dream as she started writing for her new life story Who I Am: My Story, which is out on Thursday.
She: ‘It happened to me on the night before the first ever Spice Girls live performance.
‘We were in Istanbul, we did two shows over there, and we’d never done a full-length concert before, so obviously we’d rehearsed for weeks ahead, costume fittings, make-up here, everything was leading towards the pinnacle of everything I’d ever wanted to do and ever wanted to be.
Traumatic: The singer, 48, told how the ordeal affected her so much that even though she tried to bury the memory, it returned in a dream as she was writing her new autobiography (the Spice Girls pictured in 1996)
‘What drives me is being on stage, being a performer, so here we were the eve of the first ever Spice Girls show, so I treat myself to a massage in the hotel.
‘And what happened to me I kind of buried immediately because there was other things to focus on. I didn’t want to make a fuss, but also I didn’t have time to deal with it.
She continued: ‘because I didn’t deal with it at the time, I realise that I allowed that to be buried for years and years and years.
‘And then when I was writing the book it came to me in a dream, or I kind of woke up and it was in my mind and it was like ‘Oh my gosh, I haven’t even thought about having that in the book’.’
Keeping it quiet: Melanie, who also revealed she still suffers from depression, said she ignored the incident because of her fear of upsetting people (pictured in 1996)
Melanie added: ‘Then of course I had to think ‘Do I want to reveal this?’, and I just thought ‘I think it’s really important for me to say it and to finally deal with it and process it’ – and for other people.
‘I suppose in a version of sexual assault it’s a mild version but I felt violated. I felt very vulnerable. I felt embarrassed, and then I felt unsure ‘have I got this right, what’s going on?’
‘I was in an environment where you take your clothes off with this professional person.
‘It has affected me. But I buried it. Lots of people do.’
Memory: Mel says failing to deal with it led it to fester in her mind so much that out of nowhere it came out in a dream as she started writing for her new life story Who I Am: My Story
She said she simply got up and walked out of the massage and tried to forget the episode.
Mel, speaking on Wednesday’s How to Fail podcast, also told how she still lives with the depression that engulfed her due to a variety of factors, even though her life is in a much better place than when she was suffering from anorexia and at her lowest ebb.
The former Sporty Spice, who has previously told of her struggles with fame, weight and being body-shamed, said: ‘Even now, in 2022, I live with depression. You know, it’s there. I’ve learned very much how to deal with it and cope with it and keep it at bay, but sometimes it can get the better of me.
‘So I think it’s really important to learn what works for you. I think everybody can just have different little tools in the kit to get them through.
Horrific experience: ‘What happened to me I kind of buried immediately because there was other things to focus on. I didn’t want to make a fuss, but also I didn’t have time to deal with it’
‘I like to think I’ve never felt suicidal, but I have wished to not wake up which is awful – which is an awful, awful place to be in.
‘Sometimes it felt like my spark had gone out. But most of the time it’s there. There’s a little flicker even in my darkest moments and it’s pulled me through.
‘I would say it’s so important to speak. I used to hate…’I don’t want my mum to worry, I don’t want my friends to feel like ‘oh god, here she is again’, and not want to pick up the phone.
‘I’m a warrior. I was struggling and in my eyes I failed. I failed myself, I failed the public, but I got through it. I got through the other side. My story is that I did succumb to these things and I felt ashamed for that, but the thing that I feel very proud of is that I overcame all those things.’
The mother-of-one said she has learned to help her mental health through a healthy amount of exercise, healthy food, sleep, and limiting alcohol.
Asked if she would choose the same life of fame again if she could turn back the clock, she said: ‘I wouldn’t change it. When I talk about the really tough times I think ‘I wish I’d done that differently’.
‘But if I had to do it all again the same way I would because I love my life. I’ve achieved my childhood ambition and dream and I’m still doing it.’
Survivor: ‘I’m a warrior. I was struggling and in my eyes I failed. I failed myself, I failed the public, but I got through it. I got through the other side’
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