A Mormon husband who came out as a transgender woman at age 47 said it strengthened her marriage to her wife – who has stayed by her side, despite the couple being outcast from the religion.
Allyssa Conner, 50, who was born a male, has been married to her doting wife, Andrea, 46, for almost 26 years.
Before coming out, the Utah-based campaigner lived as Kevin Conner – a married Mormon man with three children.
For many years, Allyssa worked as a national sales director and would present herself a man while at work, at church, and to her friends and family, despite knowing that deep down she wanted to be a woman.
The only person who knew her true identity was her wife, Andrea, who said she noticed early on that Allyssa would watch her while she was putting on her makeup.
A Mormon husband who came out as a transgender woman at age 47 said it strengthened her marriage – despite the couple being outcast from the religion. They are pictured before (left) and after (right) her transition
Allyssa Conner, 50, who was born a male, has been married to her doting wife, Andrea, 46, for almost 26 years. They are pictured at their wedding
Before coming out, the Utah-based campaigner lived as Kevin Conner – a married Mormon man with three children (pictured)
Allyssa, who said she was always honest with her wife about her gender identity, was forced to hide it from the rest of the world, but would secretly dress as a woman and go on outings as Allyssa with Andrea.
Allyssa eventually took a leap of faith at the age of 47, when she officially came out as transgender and later quit her corporate role at the age of 50.
She now spends her days sharing her experience in order to help others understand the complexities of gender identity – with supportive Andrea by her side.
She said her gender dysphoria strengthened their marriage in the end, and has brought the pair closer together.
Allyssa said: ‘I’ve always had an awareness of my gender. Femininity was an energy I was drawn to.
‘When I was growing up, there was no terminology for transgender and I didn’t have the vocabulary for it.
For years, Allyssa worked as a sales director and would present herself a man while at work, at church, and to her friends and family. She is pictured with wife Andrea before her transition
The only person who knew her true identity was her wife, Andrea, who said she noticed early on that Allyssa (pictured after her transition) would watch her put on her makeup
Allyssa was forced to hide it from the rest of the world, but would secretly dress as a woman and go on outings as Allyssa with Andrea. They are pictured together after her transition
‘Around the age of 17 or 18 I was able to explore my identity more. I’ve always been honest with Andrea with whatever understanding I had about my gender and she’s always been supportive.
Allyssa eventually took a leap of faith at the age of 47, when she officially came out as transgender, and she later quit her corporate role at the age of 50. She is pictured at her wedding, before transitioning
‘The transition has made us so much stronger and closer as a couple because we’ve fought bigger battles together.
‘It’s not a small experience for either of us, even just going to the shops as Allyssa was an experience for both of us, not just myself.
‘It’s been difficult for her as she feels as though she gets judged for being with me.’
Mother-of-three Andrea added: ‘Kevin was always into more feminine things.
‘He would watch me do my make-up and I could tell he was really paying attention to it and taking mental notes.
‘It didn’t come as a shock when he confided in me about how he was feeling. It’s definitely brought us closer together.
‘I feel very blessed and it’s as though I have two relationships, one with Kevin and one with Allyssa.
‘I love hanging out with Allyssa as she smiles brighter and is so happy when she’s dressed up.
She now spends her days sharing her experience in order to help others understand the complexities of gender identity – with Andrea by her side. They are pictured after her transition
Together forever: She said her gender dysphoria strengthened their marriage in the end, and has brought the pair (pictured at their wedding) closer together
‘Not that Kevin isn’t happy and bright but Allyssa gets to be her true self, which is lovely. The relationship is much more genuine.’
Although Allyssa identifies as transgender, she still presents as Kevin on certain occasions, such as family events.
She is taking hormones but has not undergone any surgery to fully transition.
The couple decided to hide Allyssa’s true identity from their three children until they were grown up, in order to protect them.
‘We made a joint decision to not tell the children until they were 18 years old,’ Allyssa explained.
‘I have two daughters and they were in their formative years and looking to us to know what to expect from a spouse and a husband.
‘They needed a father figure. When the time came, I was terrified but they were fully supportive.
‘It was a weight off my chest and has enabled me to have an honest relationship with them as they didn’t really know who I was before.’
Despite the support of her immediate family, Allyssa found herself outcast by her Mormon community, as the church does not support her gender identity.
True self: Allyssa (pictured with Andrea after her transition) is taking hormones but has not undergone any surgery yet
Allyssa (pictured with Andrea after transitioning) was outcast by her Mormon community, with the church telling her that they ‘decided this wasn’t a way of life they could support’
She added: ‘We were raised Mormon and in the church, I even completed a missionary trip in Japan for the church.
‘They decided this wasn’t a way of life they could support and have told other members of the church to not support it, including my family.
‘I am still in contact with them but they haven’t seen me as Allyssa, only Kevin.
‘It hurts because they cannot celebrate my achievements as they aren’t able to support it. It’s the position they’ve been put in by the church so I understand but it’s very difficult.’
Despite the challenges, Allyssa and Andrea now work full time educating others, in the hopes they can spread more awareness about the topic.
She added: ‘I want to teach people that the condition is uncommon, not un-Godly.
‘Even if people don’t agree with it, they can support others or have the tools and knowledge to help.’
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