A single mother desperate to get her violent six-year-old daughter under control was finally able to take charge thanks to the help of an expert child psychologist.
Lisa, 29, who lives with her parents in Oldbury, Birmingham, had struggled with daughter Demi’s vicious outbursts and would regularly be on the receiving end of kicks, slaps, punches and hair pulling.
Lisa’s mother Sharon, 57, had to constantly break the pair up despite being subjected to Demi’s viscous temper herself.
At the end of their tether with Demi – who understood she had a ‘naughty side’ – Lisa sought help from Laverne Antrobus in Channel 5’s Violent Child, Desperate Parents, who provided them with techniques to prevent her from lashing out.
Six-year-old Demi believed she had a good and bad side and when she lashed out it was when ‘naughty Demi’ was present
Demi would lash out at her mother Lisa kicking and slapping her with her grandmother Sharon having to break up the outbursts
Lisa and her Demi’s grandmother Sharon (left) were at the end of their tether with the youngster and wanted to put a stop to her behaviour
Laverne was keen to understand what the triggers were behind Demi’s violent outbursts and visited the family over a period of days to monitor the child’s behaviour.
Lisa said of Demi’s split personality: ‘She can be absolutely lovely and give you the most wonderful loves, kisses, hugs then she can just change in seconds.’
The mother recalled Demi pulling her hair, slapping, kicking, punching, dragging her around the room, giving her a black eye as well as throwing things around the house.
‘It’s like somebody turns the switch on and somebody else comes, what she calls the “bad Demi”.
‘We have asked her does she know the “bad Demi” is coming and she’ll say no,’ Sharon explained.
During a particularly difficult tantrum where Demi was told she wasn’t allowed sweets before dinner she ended up grabbing her mother’s hair, only letting go when Sharon became involved.
But Laverne said that it was the grandmother’s involvement that was confusing the youngster.
‘I can see there isn’t a very clear marked line about who is in charge in the household in terms of the adults, is it mum that takes the firm line and sees that through or is it nanny? I think if I’m confused then Demi is going to be confused,’ she said.
Laverne spoke with Demi who said she was aware of her behaviour: ‘It’s the “naughty Demi”. “Naughty Demi” gets through a gap through the back of my head and she pulls mummy’s hair, bites her, kicks her, scratches her, swears at her.
‘Sometimes I wish I could kill her (naughty Demi), but there’s no way to kill her. She’s horrid,’ the little girl added.
When Lisa would ask Demi to take a time out she would still try to attack her mother who tried to calm her down
During one outburst Demi hit her mother with her grandfather’s walking stick as he watched on unable to help
Child psychologist Laverne Antrobus believed that Lisa was allowing her daughter to hit out instead of telling her it was bad
Demi lashes out at her mother repeatedly during the show but Laverne said she believed Lisa was allowing it to happen.
‘I’d rather her hurt me than hurt herself,’ the mother said before opening up about Demi’s birth which she said could have affected their bond.
Lisa had a difficult labour and said she can’t remember anything from the birth as both she and Demi were left fighting for their lives.
‘I think about it quite often, did she think I rejected her when she was first born and that is why she is the way she is and she is just getting back at me because she thinks it’s my fault?’ Lisa asked.
The mother-daughter duo used the techniques that Laverne had her to employ to diffuse tense situations
After six weeks Demi’s behaviour had totally transformed with Lisa taking control and Sharon taking a step back
Laverne suggested that Demi was picking up on her feelings: ‘Your daughter knows all those feelings that you have inside of you which you work really hard to suppress, she’s hurting you and expressing this rage because you can’t.
‘Whilst you think you are keeping all those feelings very hidden, she knows that deep down that she’s got a mum that is absolutely brimming with these emotions but doesn’t really know how to express them.’
Laverne advised Lisa to use negotiating techniques to help diffuse tense situations with Demi, instead of always saying no she should offer her an alternative or a compromise.
As Lisa’s confidence grew she became more firm with her daughter and grandmother Sharon was able to take a step back as requested by the child psychologist.
After six weeks Demi’s behaviour had completely transformed, with Lisa admitting that even though Demi had lost her temper since she was able to control it and the violence had stopped.
Violent Child, Desperate Parents airs tonight on Channel 5