A survivor of narcissistic abuse has claimed a fairytale romance spiraled into a dark nightmare that saw her become ‘a shadow of herself’.
Mother-of-two Fiona NG, 35, from Newcastle, claims one of her past relationships bore all the ‘classic hallmarks’ of narcissistic abuse, which she has been in therapy for.
The entrepreneur and parenting coach, matched with a man on a dating app and after a period of ‘love bombing’ which felt like a fairytale, they spent more and more time together.
One of the first signs Fiona noticed that something wasn’t quite right was when he ‘screamed at her for putting a curry on the table the wrong way’.
What followed was a period of narcissistic abuse that saw her appearance change as her confidence plummeted, with pictures from the time showing her looking tearful and tired.
Fiona has shared pictures that show the shocking difference in her physical appearance both during the relationship, when she looked drawn, tired and miserable and had lost weight, after it ended.
She is now sharing her story with FEMAIL to show others in abusive relationships that they can heal and move on with their lives, and to warn people that emotional abuse is every bit as damaging as physical abuse.
Mother-of-two Fiona NG, 35, from Newcastle, claims one of her past relationships bore all the ‘classic hallmarks’ of narcissistic abuse, but she is now happy and thriving
Fiona, pictured during a relationship with a man she describes as an ’emotional abuser’ looks drawn and tired
Fiona said the swipe ‘was probably accidental’ and at first she didn’t feel a spark between herself and her new flame.
But after his persistence in winning her over, the new man became a fixture in her life and ‘put her on a pedestal’.
He told Fiona ‘if I could draw the perfect woman it would be you’ and kitted her out with new clothes.
The entrepreneur told FEMAIL: ‘To be honest, I had never been on dating apps before and I think it was an accidental swipe because I didn’t know what I was doing.
‘We began chatting and before our first date he made an excuse, something about an ex, so I told him: “Maybe it’s best we don’t meet again”.
‘There were also signs now, looking back, that he was still in a relationship, such as wanting to meet at hotel.’
Fiona, pictured with her two children, said that she didn’t realise one of her exes was abusive because he didn’t get physical with her
Fiona, pictured with her daughter in the car – said she feels ‘so much better’ since leaving her alleged abuser and is enjoying life with her two girls Jasmine and Bella
Fiona out for an ice cream with her daughter. The entrepreneur and parenting coach has appeared on Ferne McCann’s popular TV show First Time Mum to give advice to the former TOWIE star about her three-year-old
However the man decided he wanted more and the pair had a night on the town together.
Fiona said: ‘I just thought it would be a one night thing, and to be honest I wasn’t really feeling it – but he kept persisting, I think he liked the chase.
‘Suddenly things moved very fast and he was round my house every week cooking meals together and watching films.’
She said her new partner ‘filled her with confidence’ and it ‘felt like a fairytale’.
‘Now looking back, it was classic love-bombing,’ Fiona admitted.
One of the first signs Fiona noticed that something wasn’t quite right was when he ‘screamed at her for putting a curry on the table the wrong way’.
Photos reveal the shocking difference between Fiona’s physical appearance during the relationship and now – where she looks healthier, happier and younger
She said: ‘I didn’t want to have a conflict, and I’m not a confrontational person so I was just shocked. He shouted at me for putting a curry on the place mat the “wrong way” and I just didn’t understand why.
‘After screaming at me he didn’t talk to me for three days.
‘I knew he had his own traumas, so I felt sorry for him and wanted to help him. Having worked in that sort of field before I understood trauma and I didn’t want to give up on him, but my friends and family saw the changes in me gradually over the months.
‘I had never experienced this amount of conflict in a relationship, there was always something.
‘He would get angry, have constant road rage, would scream at me for small things – and once ignored me when I was having a panic attack, making it quite clear that he didn’t care.
‘Our relationship was passionate and intense – but it started to turn into a rollercoaster of anxiety.’
Fiona incredibly has found solace with her ex-partner’s former girlfriend, when they met unexpectedly at a funeral – the pair have since become friends and have shared eerily similar accounts of the same man
The mum of two said no matter what happened she is ‘grateful’ the relationship happened, as it has let to her becoming her ‘best self’ despite reaching rock bottom and feeling suicidal she has bounced back better than ever
Things started to unravel when the pair attended a funeral where Fiona noticed that a woman, who she later discovered was her partner’s ex, was ‘looking at the pair of us strangely’.
The only thing Fiona knew about her partner’s ex was that he claimed she had been ‘suicidal’ and that’s why he didn’t leave her when he felt their relationship was falling apart.
Fiona said she ‘felt sorry’ for her ex and empathised with him over the emotional ordeal.
However, it was soon to be revealed that her ex’s version of events didn’t quite match up to reality.
Fiona told FEMAIL: ‘My stomach was churning at that funeral, my gut instinct was imploring me to reach out to this woman to find out more.’
She got in touch over email and her partner’s ex revealed that they were still in contact, and exchanging sexual texts.
He’d told his ex he didn’t love Fiona and wanted to be with her instead.
As the two women compared notes, they noticed some very striking similarities.
Fiona said: ‘He used the same lines with her even the “if I could draw the perfect woman it would be you”, He had dressed her up the same as me. Now I can see he just objectified us.
‘He had even told her that I tried to kill myself,. He said I was in the shower covered with pills. He had made out to both of us that the other was “crazy and suicidal”, and used that as his excuse for “not leaving”.
‘That never happened, I was never in the shower with a bunch of pills he just made it all up.’
Even when confronted with a mountain of evidence, her ex denied any form of cheating, saying it was ‘made up’.
She said: ‘During the relationship I suffered classic signs of cognitive dissonance, and thought it was all in my head. Speaking to her helped me clarify that I wasn’t crazy and the abuse I was suffering was real.’
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term used to describe mental discomfort when you hold conflicting beliefs or attitudes.
Fiona described and incident where her partner was late home from work and they had planned to go for a meal.
She called him and he said he would be late, so she said she would have a slice of toast to keep herself going.
‘He then screamed at me and hung up the phone. I then didn’t hear from him for a couple of days. Over toast – it seems crazy now to look back at it,’ she said.
Despite telling his colleagues that they ‘weren’t together’, he would then have things such as a £2,000 sofa delivered to her house but was constantly on dating apps searching for other women.
His behaviour escalated to the extent that the mother-of-two found herself standing on a bridge with a bottle of wine, wanting ‘to end it’.
Her partner would shout at her, belittle her, ignore her for days on end, constantly have liaisons with other women when he was away on from her and pass it off as: ‘We were on a break’.
Fiona ended up wondering where the man that had once ‘adored her’ had gone.
She said: ‘I felt like a shadow of myself, and one night ended up with a bottle of wine by a bridge wanting to end it. Luckily a family came up to me and talked me out of it, and took me to a nearby hotel.
‘I will never forget that act of kindness. I was mentally in such a dark place, and I didn’t even know how I had got there, I’ve never felt so bad before in my life.’
A friend came to pick Fiona up that night, and when she spoke to her ex of the incident he made it quite clear he ‘didn’t care at all’.
‘He told me that I was out getting drunk and f*****g men on that night and he didn’t care at all,’ Fiona said.
Fiona urges survivors of abuse to spend time in nature and journal in order to heal
She said: ‘I didn’t know it at the time but I was in a constant state of flight or flight and because he didn’t physically abuse me, it took a lot longer to realize what was going on.
‘His behaviour is what I would call textbook narcissism. I am a calm, quiet person and he used that to his advantage – he told me how “volatile” his ex was, so I wanted to be the perfect quiet girlfriend – but it stopped me speaking up.
‘I tried everything, from telling him how I felt to relationship counselling -all to no avail.
‘His problems became “our problem” and I was trying to solve it, using all my emotional energy.
‘It can be just as damaging as physical abuse and I want people to know that.’
Fiona decided to go no contact with her partner, and credits journaling, mindfulness and EMDR therapy with helping her find herself again.
However, now she says she is ‘grateful’ the relationship happened.
‘The trauma of that relationship has propelled me to work on myself and I feel better than ever.’
Fiona says she used the ‘grey rock method’ to ignore her former partner despite him bombarding her with emails saying he loves her, and leaving gifts on her doorstep at Christmas.
To this day, she still hears from him.
‘He even emails me saying “I had a dream about you, I love you,” I know it’s not real, the more I learn about narcissists and how they behave.
‘It can mess with your head – but I’m in a strong place now.
‘I sat in my feelings – and I would advise any other survivors to do the same, don’t ignore how you feel. Go no contact, journal and try things like EMDR therapy and somatic experiencing – which is a form of therapy that can help with PTSD, common among abuse survivors.
‘Best of all just spend time in nature with people that you love.’
Business wise Fiona is thriving – last year she appeared on popular parenting show First Time Mum and gave advice to ex TOWIE star Ferne McCann with her three-year-old.
She says she has a lot of exciting work in the pipeline and has her own parenting site happymeparenting.com.
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