An Australian woman who ‘used to drink until she physically couldn’t any more’ has revealed how she feels after two years of being sober.
Recovering alcoholic Emily Tomini, 27, from Perth, said alcohol used to be her ‘escape’ but ended up taking over her life.
‘I’d drink to get drunk and to let go for a while,’ the mother of one wrote in a heartfelt blog post.
Recovering alcoholic Emily Tomini, 27, (pictured) has revealed how she feels after being sober for two years
‘At the start it would be just weekends, then week days and before I knew it, it took over my life. No word of a lie, I’d get drunk everyday.’
Emily – who has previously said she would drink a bottle or two of wine per night depending on how she felt – revealed that she always had a ‘fear’ of drinking because her father – who has since passed away – struggled with it too.
‘I grew up going to AA meetings with him and attending Al-anon meetings for myself,’ the blogger explained.
‘When I first started noticing the signs within myself you’d think that would have scared me more to stop drinking but alcoholism isn’t something you can obviously flick a switch and stop it.’
Emily said alcohol used to be her ‘escape’ but ended up taking over her life
But in 2015, Emily made a decision to change. It was a decision, she wrote previously on her blog, that was made while she was sitting on the beach a few weeks before her 25th birthday.
‘I remember looking out at the water, the waves rolling in and crashing by my feet and I heard a child laughing. I will never forget the feeling of love that noise bought to me and that’s when my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach at the thought of wanting to try for a baby,’ she wrote.
But she was under no illusions that the change would come easily.
‘At the start it would be just weekends, then week days and before I knew it, it took over my life. No word of a lie, I’d get drunk everyday,’ the blogger said (she is pictured now with her daughter)
‘When I got sober in 2015 I never for the life of me thought I’d stay sober,’ Emily wrote.
‘I was terrified of making the decision, because what if I failed? What if I couldn’t do it? I watched my dad struggle with it for years and he lost his battle in 2002 after committing suicide.
‘I believe he took his life because of his struggles with the disease and not being able to stop drinking after so many failed attempts he couldn’t live like that any longer.
Despite celebrating two years of being sober, Emily (pictured with her partner) said she remains ‘scared’
‘All the good had been stripped away and he was a shell of a person completely dependent on a substance. I was petrified I’d be my dad.’
But last month Emily celebrated two years of sobriety since that decision.
‘I tell you this wholeheartedly, I am still just as scared as I was back in 2015,’ she wrote candidly.
‘I still feel like I’m faking it, like the person I am today I’m sometimes not worthy of being her.’
‘I still feel like I’m faking it, like the person I am today I’m sometimes not worthy of being her,’ the loving mother wrote
‘I feel like there’s a dark cloud that hovers over me sometimes, like the disease of alcoholism is so close to taking over my life at any given time if I let it’
Emily – who has since welcomed a little girl Alina with her supportive partner – said that she feels ‘unbelievably happy’ now she is a mother but that it scares her too.
‘I am the person I have always wanted to be and that scares the sh*t out of me,’ she wrote.
‘I feel like there’s a dark cloud that hovers over me sometimes, like the disease of alcoholism is so close to taking over my life at any given time if I let it.’
Despite recognising there have been times when she could easily have ‘picked up the bottle’ again, Emily said she had resisted.
It wasn’t until the now mother-of-one (pictured with her daughter) heard the sound of a baby on the beach that she knew she wanted to be sober and wanted to be a mother
Emily said that whilst friends have asked her if she’ll ever drink again, she knows she will never be able to stop at ‘one glass of wine’
‘Lately I’ve had friends ask me if I think I’ll ever drink again, they don’t understand alcoholism. It’s not like a period of time goes by and if you don’t drink you’re somehow cured,’ she wrote.
‘I’ve never been able to stop at one glass of wine, one beer or a cocktail. Every single time I’ve picked up a drink I’ve gotten smashed, blacked out and had to drink more to function the next day.
‘It’s a cycle of destruction and I’ll never drink again for that reason but also because if I thought I had a lot to lose back then, I have everything to lose now.
‘It’s a cycle of destruction and I’ll never drink again for that reason but also because if I thought I had a lot to lose back then, I have everything to lose now,’ she wrote
Emily said she is determined to be a ‘happy, healthy and mentally stable mother’ to her little girl
‘I won’t put my daughter through the childhood that I went through,’ the mother concluded.
‘When I think of my dad, he was so incredible. He was the best dad in the world. When he wasn’t drinking.
‘I never want her [my daughter] to think of me like that. She doesn’t need to experience me anything other than the way she does now! A happy, healthy and mentally stable mother.’
To read more from Emily Tomini, you can click here. You can also follow her on Instagram here.