My husband asked me for an open marriage – now I want a divorce

A woman has revealed her heartbreak after her husband suggested they try an open marriage.

The anonymous mother-of-two, 40, took to Reddit as she explained eight months ago, her partner had said opening up their marriage could ‘add’ to the relationship ‘for the both of us’. 

She explained she ‘never wanted to try it’ but immediately felt her marriage had ‘died’, confessing she was struggling to feel connected to her partner after his request.

She said her marriage is compatible in ‘every other aspect’ of life, adding: ‘I don’t think it is working for me anymore with what my husband suggested looming between us even if he hasn’t approached me with his suggestion again.’

Other users were quick to offer their opinion, telling the mother-of-two her husband had ‘broken her trust’ – and suggesting it could well be the end of their relationship.   

Bewildered and confused, she asked the forum: ‘Am I not enough for him?’

‘I mean yes, I know I could lose these last stubborn 5lbs, maybe put on sexy lingerie more often and I don’t know, spend less time with our babies and not to sleep halfway through our movie night on Fridays,’ the heartbroken wife said.

She said: ‘It still came as a shock to me that he wasn’t satisfied with our life. I thought we had a solid foundation of mutual love and respect and we both have high sex drive. 

‘He explained that it had nothing to do with our love life or relationship. This could just be something more to add for the both of us.’

The mother-of-two explained: ‘My marriage died then and there, in my heart at least. I didn’t want to make any rash decisions while heartbroken and act without thinking carefully first. 

‘I said no and that it was nothing I ever wanted to try. He said that it was fine and that he loved me immensely.’

Despite the topic being left, the mother-of-two said she had been unable to stop thinking about it.

 She said: ‘Now months have gone and I have been thinking carefully but my initial feeling that my marriage died isn’t changing. 

‘He has noticed and even complained that I have been distant and that he wanted me back but I don’t know, I don’t think it is working for me anymore with what my husband suggested looming between us even if he hasn’t approached me with his suggestion again. 

‘It is not just the feeling of inadequacy that is putting a wedge between us, but the thought that he can imagine another man being with me.

The anonymous mother-of-two, 40, shared the details of her heartbreak on US news forum Reddit

‘Touching, kissing and being inside me without it making him sick with jealousy. I even think this part hurt me more than him wanting to sleep with others.’

She continued: ‘We have two children together, 4 and 1 and our marriage is working very well. We are compatible in every other aspect and our babies are happy. 

‘How can I ask for divorce knowing that nothing will be the same for my babies anymore?’

She questioned: ‘I need advice on how to move on with him with all these feelings inside of me. I can’t just divorce a man for asking me something and then respecting me when I said no. I. Just. Can’t.’

One poster warned that it’s often likely to end in a ‘dumpster fire’.

They wrote: ‘I’ve seen several couples go this route and all of them end up as dumpster fires.

‘It was always one of them driving it, and the other just going along.’

Elsewhere, another shared their own experience.

‘It’s the break on trust,’ they explained.

‘I totally get the OOP, I have been there, for me it wasn’t about opening the marriage but it was the divorce threat if I didn’t snap out of postpartum depression from that moment there was not an us anymore, I had the impression the marriage was forever with the ups and downs of life and he showed me that he was willing to throw out the towel when things got tough.’

The anonymous poster was met with divided opinions as more than a thousand weighed in on the situation in a repost of the thread

Another sent a warning: ‘You’d have to think that cheating was probably going to happen down the line.

‘No matter what he says now. He’s told her his not satisfied in their relationship. You can’t really forget that.’

However, some people also sided with the husband and explained that sexual liberty could work in a marriage.

‘Everyone is different,’ one suggested. ‘I am not in an open relationship, but we are swingers, and we live perfectly fine.

‘I love my wife with all my heart and could never see myself with another person.’

However, some people also sided with the husband and explained that sexual liberty could work in a marriage

Another even admonished the woman, declaring that she needed psychotherapy.

‘You want a possessive, controlling husband who would categorically not be okay with you exercising sexual agency if sex with other people were what you wanted,’ they said.

‘You want an abusive relationship…’

After receiving the feedback from other users, the woman shared an update with the forum.

She wrote: ‘I have spoken to my husband about how I was feeling. I told him how I was turned off by the whole thing and that even if he respected my no, something has broken inside of me and I that I don’t know how to mend it. How to find my way back.

‘I told him that even though he would fully promise that he chosen me and the life we have together, I will always know that this is not really what he wanted. 

‘I told him that the thought of him being okay with sleeping with others, and the thought of him being ok that me, his wife, being in someone else’s arms makes me sick every time I think about it. 

‘I also asked him whether he was already sleeping with others/or have had someone in mind.

‘He swore up and down that this wasn’t the case and gave me all his devices to check.

‘He just wanted to try open marriage because and I will paraphrase here “monogamy worked when people died when they were 40 but now when we live till we are 80-90 maybe it wasn’t enough” I’m the love of his life and that won’t change but do we want to be exclusive for 40,50, 60 years? 

‘I asked him why he just doesn’t want to commit to just me, until one or both fall out of love and we go our separate way but he said that he didn’t want to fall out of love.

‘He wanted us to be together because he loves our life but also we could se other people so it doesn’t get boring.

‘I told him that the life he is dreaming of isn’t the life I wanted at all. He was very alarmed and said that in that case he chose me and our family. 

‘He would do anything to gain back my trust including therapy. I will try that as last resort but to be totally honest, I think we are over.’