‘I’d love to see you with someone else in bed,’ my husband Tony* said one evening.
We’d just finished making love and I was a sensitive, sweaty, shaking wreck from the multiple orgasms he had expertly brought me to. After 20 years, our sex life was still sensational, though not as prolific as it used to be.
‘I mean it,’ he added. I looked up at him, not quite understanding what he meant. Tony’s voice was calm but charged with intent. This wasn’t dirty talk. He was serious.
At first, I was stunned. Was he serious? Confused but undeniably intrigued, I asked him to elaborate. That’s when he told me: he loved the idea of cuckolding.
We’re happily married, in our 40s, have three children and live a ‘normal’ life. But like so many middle-class couples, we wanted to spice up our relationship.
I’m still attracted to my husband and I can’t imagine life without him – he is tall, dark, handsome, successful and hard-working. When we do have sex – about once a week if we’re lucky – it’s always tremendously satisfying. But God do I miss those days when we would tear each other’s clothes off, or a single naughty text would have him racing home from work on his lunch break to ravish me…
When he shared his fantasies with me, I could sense his vulnerability – this was something he had clearly thought about for a long time. Instead of shutting him down, we decided to explore the idea together.
What followed has been nothing short of transformative.
Cuckolding is not something you discuss over coffee with friends, so we’ve kept it our little secret. After all, it’s not cheating if your husband is fully on board – especially when it’s his idea. For Tony, the thrill isn’t in being with someone else – he’s not interested in having an affair – it’s in watching me step into a new kind of freedom.
I could never have imagined the erotic joys of cuckolding until my darling husband confessed he wanted to watch me have sex with another man. Now I’m hooked on the ‘hotwife lifestyle’
After he revealed his sexual fantasy, we watched videos together. He told me all about the ‘hotwife lifestyle’ – a kind of open marriage where only the woman has outside sexual relationships while the husband stays faithful. He confessed what he wanted to see me do sexually with another man. We started planning in earnest.
At first, we decided to go to a bar and meet someone. It had been years since I turned my gaze elsewhere. But the timing never worked out. We almost gave up but decided to give it another go after a family holiday. This time, I started looking online and came across Ashley Madison, a website that encourages affairs.
I thought it could be the perfect place to find the connection we were looking for – and it was. I remember the night I signed up: I was fraught with anxiety and the sense I should be feeling guilty, but with Tony by my side it was thrilling.
I started chatting to other men, getting to know them and explaining our desires. I used the app daily to try to find a potential match, then would tell my husband all about it.
The first time we brought someone else into our bed – let’s call him Josh* – it was an intoxicating mix of nerves and excitement I hadn’t felt since Tony and I first got together.
We started as a trio, but soon Tony stepped back to watch as I took centre stage. As I put on a show for my husband, and lost myself in Josh’s muscular body, it was strange, exhilarating and oddly intimate in ways I hadn’t anticipated.
When Josh left an hour later, I saw a fire in Tony’s eyes I hadn’t seen in years. He threw me to the bed and made love to me. I was his again.
Giving me permission to have sex with other men doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me. If anything, I feel desired even more by him. When he reclaims me after I’ve been with another man, he’s more passionate than ever – it’s mind-blowing.
The ‘hotwife lifestyle’ is a kind of open marriage where only the woman has outside sexual relationships while the husband stays faithful (picture posed by models)
After our positive experience with Josh, I met another man online, James, in his 50s and also married with kids.
I spoke to him for a few weeks, was open and honest about the arrangement with my husband and he was happy with the plans. So I decided to meet him for a drink – without Tony.
I wore my favourite sexy red dress and black heels and curled my hair. Tony looked after the kids while I went out for the night – it was like going on a first date. James was charming and attractive. We had great chemistry and got along well. He’s very different to Tony, which makes it exciting for me.
Over a bottle of wine I asked about his interests, hobbies and dislikes – and if he goes on many dates. He was also seeking a connection with someone else and I felt like we got along well.
When the night ended, we didn’t kiss, but I knew I wanted to see him again. I rushed home like a 20-year-old with her head in the clouds and couldn’t wait to tell Tony about it.
The following week we decided to book a hotel room and turn Tony’s fantasy into a reality. The three of us met for a drink first for about an hour before deciding to go upstairs to the room.
As a 40-something woman, it was the hottest night of my life – possibly topping our wedding night.
Over time, I’ve developed great relationships with other men. I still chat to James daily and we meet for dates every fortnight. We have a physical relationship and it’s been nice to get to know someone new.
With James, I can let my hair down, have fun with him and forget I’m a mother for a few hours. The sex is great – quite different to Tony. Then I return home and tell my husband all about it and we make love.
Giving me permission to have sex with other men doesn’t mean my husband doesn’t want me. If anything, I feel desired even more by him. When he reclaims me after I’ve been with another man, he’s more passionate than ever (picture posed by models)
I prefer to meet with one gentleman at a time and develop a strong connection, rather than having a ‘roster’ of boyfriends on the go. Doing it this way keeps things exciting and means the lifestyle doesn’t get too overwhelming for Tony or I.
Hopefully it means our arrangement will last longer, too.
The hotwife lifestyle has improved my marriage drastically and in ways I couldn’t have imagined. Our sex has never been better and we’re closer than ever.
You might think Tony would become jealous, but he’s not. He knows I do this all for him. He enjoys watching me with other men. It’s a turn-on for him and if he ever wanted to stop our arrangement, I would in a heartbeat.
He is always included in the process. Even if I meet someone alone, I send him photos or videos so he doesn’t feel excluded. Then when I get home we’re always intimate as well.
Everyone says communication is key, but so are rules. When you open your marriage, you must always have rules and boundaries, and know what everyone wants and expects. You need to respect each other and have a conversation with everyone so that when you do meet up, everything is going to go smoothly.
We’ve sworn to keep our arrangement a secret. We live in a very middle-class world and don’t want judgement from others and don’t want to have to explain ourselves.
None of our friends or family know I’m a hotwife. There are a lot of people who would consider what we do to be a form of infidelity even though it was Tony’s idea.
Luckily, no one in our social circle has caught wind of our fun sex life – yet. But I expect if any of the other school mums were to find out, they’d be so jealous!
- Names have been changed
‘I was hooked from the sound of Clara’s stiletto heels…’ A husband’s shockingly candid account of his many affairs – and why he’ll NEVER leave his loving wife
I started cheating on my wife five years ago when the spark in our 12-year marriage faded – and I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty.
My wife doesn’t understand me the way my lovers do. They make me feel alive again, like I’m living a secret double life and savoring the best of both worlds.
Let me be clear: I’m not replacing my wife. I’m just filling a void that’s been there for years. I missed the butterflies, the emotional connection – but I wasn’t ready to change my circumstances or consider divorce.
We still love each other; I believe we always will. I can still picture our wedding like it was yesterday: a perfect day, a celebration of everything we once were. My wife is beautiful, but what I admire most is her devotion as a mother to our three children.
Somewhere along the way, though, I found myself in my forties craving something more. I needed a reason for my heart to beat faster.
I know society would judge me harshly, but I don’t care. My wife doesn’t seem to notice my late nights or ask too many questions. If she does, I simply lie.
Do I feel guilty? At first, yes. But not anymore. Why should I, when having an affair has actually improved my marriage? It’s given me a renewed sense of purpose, pushed me to stay fit and healthy, and reminded me of what it feels like to be wanted. I’ve always looked after myself, but now I’m working harder than ever in the gym to stay in shape for my lovers.
I’m not a bad guy. If you were in my shoes, maybe you’d do the same.
I started cheating on my wife five years ago when the spark in our 12-year marriage faded – and I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty, confesses our anonymous author (picture posed by model)
Before I started cheating, I was lonely and had no one to talk to. All my friends were happily married so I felt I couldn’t confide in anyone.
When I decided to bite the bullet and start an affair, I signed up to Ashley Madison – a dating website for married people who want to cheat on their partners discreetly.
I was looking for someone warm with a sense of humour who takes care of themselves. I wouldn’t say I had a specific ‘type’; I was just looking for a connection.
It was also essential to find someone in a similar situation to me – I didn’t want to meet anyone who was single because I didn’t want them to fall in love with me or get too attached.
I signed up and started chatting to married women. It did seem strange at first but it was also exciting and I realised a whole new world had just opened up in front of me.
Someone who caught my eye was Clara*. She was a gorgeous blonde, a school teacher who enjoyed painting in her spare time. We had been chatting for weeks and seemed to get along well.
And like me, she too was looking for a connection that her marriage lacked.
Finally someone who knows what I’m going through, I thought.
We arranged a date and I told my wife I would be home late due to a work meeting.
I sat at the dimly lit bar on a Wednesday night while I waited for her to arrive. My nerves almost got the better of me. I immediately felt as if I was 25 and single again.
What if she doesn’t like me? Do I have anything in my teeth? I breathed deeply and told myself to calm down. At the very least, I knew I looked good – I even wore my best shirt to make a good first impression.
I heard her before I saw her, that familiar click of stiletto heels on the ground as she walked towards me. I turned around and she was wearing a tight red dress with matching lipstick.
‘Hi, David. I’m Clara, nice to finally meet you,’ she said and took a seat beside me. My heart skipped a beat.
She laughed at my jokes, and for the first time in years I felt those butterflies in my stomach I had missed so much. We spoke about life and our hobbies and interests; it was nice starting from the ground up with someone.
We had a discreet affair – both emotional and physical – that lasted three years. She was an exceptional lover and in another life I could’ve fallen deeply in love with her.
We kept our secret hidden until she moved overseas, and now I find myself back to square one. I use the website a couple of times a week when I have time.
I focus on finding an emotional bond before arranging in-person dates. I prefer connecting over topics such as music and travel.
And I only have one rule when dating: no talking about our families and spouses.
I have one woman who I have a strong emotional connection with at the moment, but we haven’t actually met yet. Sometimes, I reconnect with old flames I used to date, too.
Anyone is capable of infidelity – they just don’t want to admit it. You’re only one decision away from it yourself.
When I became a cheater, I convinced myself it was for the best, and I look back thinking it’s certainly been cheaper than couple’s counselling.
The secret to being a good liar is knowing, from your perspective, that you’ve done nothing wrong. In my case, it’s been a positive experience.
My affairs have not only helped me work on myself but rebuild the connection with my wife. I’m a more caring, compassionate person and a better father to my kids.
My wife doesn’t know I am on Ashley Madison and she would be incredibly hurt if she ever found out – she might even decide to leave me. To be honest, I haven’t prepared for this eventuality, mainly because I know I’ll never get caught.
I don’t feel the need to sneak around to hide my secret. I pick it up when I’m able and I have a lot of free time. Anyone I meet is totally separate from my day-to-day life.
This lifestyle is definitely not for everyone; you do need to be careful. But, in my case, infidelity has been a good experience and has given my life the spark it needed.
I don’t expect happily married people to understand, all I know is this is what works for me.
After all, it’s just a bit of fun.
- As told to Carina Stathis. *Names have been changed
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Read more at DailyMail.co.uk