My mother-in-law told everyone the gender of my baby – she didn’t know I lied

A mother-to-be has created ructions in her family after lying to her mother-in-law about the gender of her baby.

The expectant mother took to US social forum Reddit to seek help with the situation, explaining that she felt pressured by her husband’s family to throw a gender reveal party.

Beforehand, her mother-in-law kept pestering her to tell her the gender of the baby despite the fact she didn’t know, and to keep her quiet she finally caved in and said she was having a girl, even though it was just a guess. 

The woman swore her mother-in-law to secrecy, but things got awkward on the day when it was revealed that she was having a boy – and all the guests had brought presents for a girl.  

‘She came over and hissed at me that I made her look stupid. I reminded her that she had promised not to tell anyone,’ the woman explained, adding that her husband wants her to apologize to his mother. 

Reddit users were divided, with some on the expectant mother’s side telling her not to give in, while others said she’d lost the moral high ground after lying. 

Explaining the situation in her post, the mother-to-be said she’d only agreed to a gender reveal party because her ‘husband’s family made a big deal about it’.

‘My mother-in-law was convinced that I knew the gender and insisted I tell her. I totally didn’t and I told her that fact,’ she wrote.

‘She wore me down after a month of bothering me about it. She begged me and promised that she wouldn’t tell anyone. This was all in texts. I told her it was a girl.

‘I figured it was a 50/50 chance and it would get her off my back.’

When the day of the party came around, it quickly became clear that the mother-in-law had not kept her promise not to tell anyone.  

‘When we cut the cake to reveal a blue inside there was a really awkward silence,’ the woman wrote. ‘She had told literally all of the guests from her side of the family so they could bring appropriate gifts.

My friends and family quickly gathered around to congratulate us on our son.

The woman texted her mother-in-law to tell her she was having a girl. But, in a twisted turn of events, it turns out the soon-to-be grandma had also told a lie

‘She came over and hissed at me that I made her look stupid. I reminded her that she had PROMISED not to tell anyone.

‘She said she had never promised so I showed her our text conversation. Some of the family were right there when I did that, so they heard her admit that she lied and had never intended to keep that promise.

‘She said that it was a d*** move and that I only did it to embarrass her. I again reminded her that I had told her on multiple occasions that I did not know the gender.

‘My husband wants me to apologize to keep the peace. I probably will but I don’t think I was an a****** like she seems to think.’

Many commenters were on the side of the mother-to-be, with one warning her not to apologize. 

‘Do NOT set a precedent whereby she’s entitled to do whatever she wants and you have to agree to “keep the peace.” That’s toxic b******t,’ they wrote. 

‘Have a long talk with your husband about why he’s defending his mother’s atrocious behavior – not just the lying, but the constant harassment prior! Where was he when she was hounding you about the baby’s gender? 

‘Why did he not put a stop to it right then? And why of all things does he think you should apologize to her, and not vice versa?

Some people who had gone through similar experiences, took to Reddit to reveal their own stories and advised the mother-to-be not to apologize 

‘If he keeps putting his mother first,- and yes, he’s definitely putting her way ahead of you – then you will never be able to set any boundaries with your mother-in-law.

‘Don’t want her posting pictures on Facebook? Too bad! Don’t want her to be the person to take your kid to their first haircut? Oopsie, it just happened lol gosh! Want to plan the first birthday party yourself? Looks like your mother-in-law invited all her friends, and is gonna elbow you out of pictures! And your husband’s just going to stand there uselessly and tell you not to get mad, she’s just like that, you know?

‘Sit your husband down and tell him it’s time to start acting like a husband and father. The time for being mama’s boy has long passed, and if he can’t put you and your child first, maybe he doesn’t deserve either of you.’

Another similarly added, ‘I lived this. Took me 10 years to deal with it. Don’t sacrifice 10 years of family celebrations that this woman. Believe me, she isn’t worth it.

‘You will do the work of raising that child, you deserve to enjoy every milestone in peaceful enjoyment. This is what I wish I had said to my mother-in-law.

‘You have already used up all the f***s I have to give about our relationship. You have a place in my life while you make me smile or make my life easier. If you don’t – you’re out.’

Others agreed to apologize, but with a twist.

One wrote, ‘”I’m sorry you embarrassed yourself by lying” is about the only apology I’d be willing to give.’

However, others were less supportive and said that the mother-to-be was just as bad for lying to her mother-in-law in the first place 

Another added their version of what the apology would look like, ‘I’m sorry for thinking you could act like an adult.’

Some users have come for the soon-to-be father writing, ‘Husband is probably used to his mother’s behavior and doesn’t want to deal with her arguing. If he’s dealt with this his whole life, I can see how he wants to just keep the peace and move on. But he does need to get a spine if he’s gonna be a father soon!’

Another user said: ‘Husband did not marry mother – meaning he best jump on this board for proper apology.

‘If your mother-in-law is not placed in the appropriate lane – the best is yet to come. All apologies should come from him, if that is what he feels necessary. Let’s see long would he’d like to continue this charade?’ 

One person who had been through a similar experience shared what they would say, ‘It is clear you don’t trust me, since you didn’t believe me when I repeatedly told you I didn’t know. Now it’s clear I can’t trust you. Sorry we had to learn that lesson in such a public way.

‘Also, I dealt with this same b*****t when I had my daughter. We didn’t find out the sex of the baby before she was born.

‘So many people were concerned about what to get. I told them to get something they would be comfortable with a girl or a boy wearing or using. We got a lot of gray, but other people understood that colors don’t mean anything about sex or sexuality and we got a good amount of fun stuff too.’

Another user wrote, ‘I’ve never been a fan of apologizing to keep the peace. In practice it really doesn’t keep any peace.

It just means having to submit to the most shrill and unreasonable voice in the vicinity. Just saying “yes” to appease a baby is a uniformly terrible idea, even if that baby is old enough to collect social security.’

Another chimed in sharing their anger on the situation, writing, ‘She lied to you. Then said that her own documented lie was your attempt to make her look bad?

‘I am stunned, honestly, at the sheer stupidity. And I am deeply disappointed that your husband, an adult and about to be a parent, thinks you should apologize.

‘But my real concern is your future and your baby’s future. Your mother-in-law is going to get worse, not better.

‘Your husband will take her side “to keep the peace”. Two on one isn’t a fair fight. You will always lose and, I’m afraid, so will your baby, ultimately.’

Another added, ‘Keep the peace. What peace? There has never been peace with your mother-in-law.

‘She’s been pressuring you to cave to her whims this whole time. From the gender reveal party you didn’t want, to knowing the gender ahead of the party.

‘What else has she been overbearing and intrusive about?? It’s not keeping the peace, it’s pacifying a toxic adult.

‘Peace will only happen when she finally learns that she’s not the main character, and sadly, it appears that you’re gonna have to be the one to teach her that lesson.

One more added, ‘Don’t apologise for her mistake and big mouth. This will teach her not to push you ever again.

‘Keep your boundaries up especially with the birth. Don’t tell her until the baby is born. Tell your husband to grow a spine. He can’t please two women. He can’t be a sonsbund and a husband at the same time. Keeping the peace means you letting her walk all over you.’

One person took a different stance and said the mother-to-be is just as bad as her mother-in-law, ‘You behaved the same way as your mother-in-law. You deliberately lied to her. The fact that you had a 50/50 chance of getting away with it doesn’t change that fact. What if it had been a girl? Then the other side of the family would have felt betrayed that you didn’t tell them.

‘You could have blocked her, told your husband that his mother is his responsibility, or otherwise set up proper boundaries for the future. Instead you lied.

‘When you are a parent, remember this lesson and don’t try to lie your way out of an inconvenient situation. Because right now you’re on the path to do that, and be just like your mother-in-law.’

Others agreed, ‘Instead of standing up to someone who didn’t respect your boundaries, you chose to lie and set them up to look like an a**hole.

‘Lying and premeditated humiliation of an in-law may feel good and like you’ve gained some sort of moral upper hand, but it is in fact a d**k move that will create a lot of drama and awkwardness.’

Another user thought similarly and added, ‘You are blaming your mother-in-law for crossing your boundaries and hounding you which was very wrong.

‘BUT you told a lie to get your mother-in-law off your back because you didn’t stand up to her. If you held your ground this drama would not have happened.

‘You need to learn to hold boundaries with your mother-in-law. She just showed you her true colours. You will be the protector of your child. Learn to be strong.

‘And you need to talk to your husband about having your back. He is the biggest a**hole for not having your back. If he is already throwing you under the bus because his mommy is upset, you have a marriage issue.’

Another user commented, ‘Your mother-in-law sounds exhausting and untrustworthy. But now you are untrustworthy too. You knowingly lied to her. You said your baby was a girl and you didn’t know if it was.

‘You aren’t the a***** for your mother-in-law’s embarrassment, that’s on her but you did lie to her when you told her you were having a girl (you had a 50/50 chance, but you did not tell her you were guessing).

‘Lying to someone but making sure they promise not to tell others still makes you a liar. No one’s hands are clean here.’