Parenting coach: These are the massive mistake mums and dads make

Parents are making family life a lot harder than it needs to be, according to one expert who claims there are five key things they’re doing wrong.

Speaking to Mamamia mum-of-four and parenting coach, Karina Lane, said parents come to her when their techniques aren’t working and they begin to develop ‘yelling habits’.

She explained they are feeling worn down, beat up and exhausted which is why they continue to make mistakes that add to the daily struggle.

Triggers

‘Parenting triggers refer to unconscious reactions to situations we find challenging and usually to come from our childhood,’ she said.

This could manifest as shouting at your kids in the exact way you were shouted at as a child, despite your best intentions to be better.

Karina says we all carry parenting tendencies and behaviours from childhood – and they tend to ‘come out unconsciously’.

Once you have identified your triggers you can control your behaviour better.

They forget their own wellbeing

Many parents forget they need to look after themselves if they are going to look after their families.

This mostly happens to mums, according to Karina, who says if you are ‘allowing yourself to run on empty it will make parenting extremely difficult’.

She says parents need to think of themselves like a car, if they don’t look after themselves that’s like driving around with no petrol. It isn’t going to end well.

Self-care doesn’t have to look like daily massages, she said, it can be as simple as sitting down and having a cup of tea before tacking household tasks each day.

Not focusing on emotions

Big behaviours in kids are usually able to be linked to an emotional struggle within, Karina explained, so it is essential to teach children to manage their feelings.

 ‘The problem with most modern discipline strategies is that they focus on behaviour management, which means the emotional needs underneath don’t get a look in,’ she said.

She explained when children act out it is usually because their emotional needs aren’t being met

When emotional needs aren’t met the behaviour turns up somewhere else. 

Children need to be given the tools to manage these emotions and see their parents using them as well.

Using bad discipline

Karina calls them the disciple duds and describes them as old-school techniques which don’t work.

In fact she says putting kids in time out, on the naughty step, taking away their privileges or smacking are just going to damage your relationship with your child.

‘Seriously, let these go. Using poor discipline tools will see the behaviour continuing and sometimes even worsening,’ she said.

She says people who use warmth and love have better success with their children than those who use controlling behaviours.

Boundaries and limits still need to be enforced but in a gentle, loving environment. 

Karina has more handy parenting tips on her Instagram.