Malin Andersson has revealed she was scared to reveal her pregnancy and sometimes fears her baby won’t make it after she tragically lost her daughter Consy two years ago.
The former Love Island star, 28, who is expecting her baby with boyfriend Jared, shared an Instagram snap of her bump in a beige swimsuit on Thursday.
Alongside the post, Malin said she has been going to therapy to deal with ‘unresolved feelings’ around her daughter’s passing aged four weeks.
Speaking out: Malin Andersson was scared to reveal her pregnancy and sometimes fears her baby won’t make it after she tragically lost her daughter Consy two years ago
She wrote: ‘Hey. It feels like I’ve been here with you before. I have. I’ll be honest, 3 years ago feels like a blur to me.. but feeling a new human growing inside me again feels so familiar. It scares me.
‘So I’m here to welcome you on my journey with my rainbow baby. I know that sharing how I feel resonates.. and I want those that are struggling to conceive, or have lost a baby and are trying, pregnant with their rainbow baby or feel like their happy ending hasn’t come yet – to see a clearer view through my life.
‘And that actually we must trust the timing in everything. I haven’t spoken to you much yet on how I’ve felt.. to be honest it’s been a very weird journey so far. I was hesitant to even reveal my pregnancy.
‘I have this inner hurt, this pain & that voice in my head that tells me this isn’t real.. that my child won’t survive – that something bad will happen. I’ve been very quiet.
Pregnancy: The star also shared a photo of herself in a vest and leggings on her Instagram Stories and wrote: ‘Boobs – sore, big, veiny and for some reason the feeling of pregnancy feels so magical.’
‘Malin quiet? That’s strange – the queen of positive thinking.. waking up each day with not much to say. Just hope in her heart that baby will make it another day..’
Malin added that she appreciates every minute of life and is hoping for the best, adding that Consy is ‘integrated’ in her.
She said: ‘See the reality is, we never really know what life can throw at us – we must remain present & mindful.. appreciate every minute. For sure I hope for the best, but I can’t help past trauma creep up on me. She’s integrated in me.
‘Consy lives through me each day. I see her brown eyes open one last time.. and it gives me fear.. fear of the unknown. So what do I do? I’ve been going to therapy; remaining consistent.
‘This has brought up a whole lot of unresolved feelings & pain that I seemed to have blocked out.. don’t get me wrong I have the most amount of love and joy in my heart – but as I said.. I’m only human.’
The reality star added that she gets ‘goosebumps’ when she thinks about welcoming her child.
Relationship: Malin said she has been going to therapy to deal with ‘unresolved feelings’ around her daughter’s passing (pictured with her boyfriend Jared)
She wrote: ‘We tend to always think the worst. When I realise what’s growing inside me, I get goosebumps, I have to have a double take. Isn’t it sad that sometimes things seem too good to be true? Well maybe, just maybe they aren’t.
‘I keep telling myself that this is my time.. And for f****n’ sure – it is. Believe in your time. I’m here to tell you that your ending is only your beginning. Ma.’
The star also shared a photo of herself in a vest and leggings on her Instagram Stories and wrote: ‘Boobs – sore, big, veiny and for some reason the feeling of pregnancy feels so magical.’
Malin revealed she was expecting a baby on Sunday when she a snap of her baby bump, with her hands and her boyfriend Jared’s hands resting on it.
Consy was born seven weeks premature in December 2018 and was being treated at Great Ormond Street hospital, but sadly passed away aged four weeks on 22 January 2019.
Malin wrote: ‘I have this inner hurt, this pain & that voice in my head that tells me this isn’t real.. that my child won’t survive – that something bad will happen’
Since then Malin has struggled with further strife, reportedly left terrified after her violent ex recently broke his licence conditions meaning he has been sent back to prison.
Tom Kemp, 28, was jailed at Aylesbury Crown Court in September after admitting to actual bodily harm, which left the reality star ‘black and blue’ but was released three months later in January.
The Sun recently reported that Tom – who was serving the remaining term on Home Detention Curfew – recently visited the area that the Love Island star lives.
He was then reportedly sent back to prison after failing to comply with the rules he was set as he continued to serve part of his sentence in the community.
A source told the publication: ‘Malin was really shocked when she heard he had been in her area.
Good news: Malin revealed she was expecting a baby on Sunday when she a snap of her baby bump, with her hands and her boyfriend Jared’s hands resting on it
Tragic: Her daughter Consy was born seven weeks premature in December 2018 and was treated at London’s Great Ormond Street hospital, but sadly passed away on 22 January 2019
‘She had really hoped his prison sentence would mark the end of having to think about him ever again.
‘The whole thing has been incredibly stressful, but Malin is very strong and just hopes he’s learnt his lesson now.’
A source also told MailOnline: ‘Malin was glad to hear that Tom had been sent back to prison for breaching his license conditions, but to learn that he only returned for a week due to his sentence coming to an end concerns her.
‘She feels that far too often the justice system fails survivors of domestic violence and ultimately believes that this contributes to the reason why perpetrators continue to abuse.’
Tom, was jailed at last year after following an attack in which he broke her hand.
Scary: Malin has struggled with strife, reportedly left terrified after her violent ex Tom Kemp recently broke his licence conditions meaning he has been sent back to prison (pictured together in 2019)
TV star Malin previously accused the ‘narcissist’ of being abusive in Instagram posts in 2019 and shared pictures of herself with a cut cheek and bloodied nose.
But Tom, from Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, denied the claims at the time, branding her a ‘liar with mental health issues’.
The former couple had an on-off romance, splitting briefly during her pregnancy, amid claims Tom had been unfaithful to her, but reconciling shortly before the birth.
In March they split again, with Malin admitting it was better to end things between them as she and her partner struggled with their grief.
In October, Malin told how she believes the physical abuse Tom subjected her to while she was pregnant was a factor behind her daughter’s death at just one month old.
Awful: Tom Kemp, 28, was jailed at Aylesbury Crown Court in September after admitting to actual bodily harm, which left the reality star ‘black and blue’ but was released three months later in January (Malin pictured with her injuries – taken at the time)
She revealed Kemp ‘slapped and punched’ her while she was six months pregnant, causing her to fall on her back and her stomach to hit the side of a bed.
Speaking to The Sun, Malin said she is convinced the incident contributed to Consy’s death as after a few days, she noticed she wasn’t moving around as much.
A month later, the movements reduced again and Malin insisted Kemp drive her to the hospital where doctors discovered Consy’s irregular heartbeat, leading her to have an emergency cesarean that day at Great Ormond Street Hospital.
She said: ‘When Tom threw me about, I’d tense my stomach so much, I could feel her pausing inside me. The doctors didn’t understand what happened to her, but I know in my heart.’
Injuries: Tom left Malin with broken bones and bruises in a violent tirade
In June last year, Malin posted a lengthy Instagram post, captioned: ‘The third and final lot, I am NOT a victim anymore.’
Calling their romance ‘toxic and unhealthy’, she said ‘it has been an ongoing battle to emotionally let go as dealing with the grief from both my mum and daughter I’ve had him as my comforter.’
Accusing Kemp of emotional and physical abuse she said: ‘Including being spat at, hit, pushed, kicked, scratched, spoken down to, controlled, manipulated, cheated and so much more I experienced the worst pain yet to come last night.’
Malin claimed she had received a phone call from a woman asking why the star had been texting her ‘boyfriend.’
She wrote: ‘After a calm and collected call with her we had finally came to the confirmation they have been speaking since January (when our daughter was in intensive care).’
Shocking: Tom, was jailed at last year after following an attack in which he broke her hand (pictured are the injuries to her face)
‘While I’ve been focusing on my mental health I’ve been receiving multiple emails, calls, texts from one extreme to the other (I’m a bad mum, my mum hates me I’m going to hell to the extreme of I love you I can’t be without you etc.
‘This ladies is a fine example of a narcissistic man.
‘I will NOT be another victim to domestic violence, I will not be beaten mentally or physically when I’ve fought through so much worse than this.
Adding that she was ‘exhausted, heartbroken and confused’ she urged her followers to ‘listen to your gut and learn to love yourself.’
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, call Refuge’s freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247
Heartbreaking: Malin previously said she believes the physical abuse her ex subjected her to while she was pregnant was a factor behind her daughter’s death at just one month old