Prince and Princess of Wales and King and Queen Consort share first join

By Consultant Forensic Psychiatrist Dr Sohom Das

During a two-hour chat with Oprah Winfrey in March 2021 Harry told her that he and William were on ‘different paths’ but that he loved his brother ‘to bits’. Twenty-one months later, I think it’s fair to question whether this sentiment is still valid.

Rumours of rifts between the two princes sprouted several years ago, purportedly sparked by Harry’s perception that William was not welcoming of Meghan into the family of families. 

This type of conflict could simply be natural brotherly friction. But as a psychiatrist, I have to wonder if it is indicative of a deep-rooted sibling rivalry.

First, we must examine the causes and the forms that typically take place with this type of familial contention. Sibling rivalry is influenced by external factors, such as favouritism from the parents as well as internal factors such as the individual personality traits of the participants. 

Jealousy often plays a starring role, even when it is subconscious. Our princes, being of the same gender and so close in age, are particularly primed for this type of enmity.

I would argue that the princes have a unique context; their rivalry is amplified by being in the public spotlight. Any flaws or gaffs are scrutinised under the microscope of the press. 

Long after their maturity has developed, the public remembers. Stains of their misdemeanours are persistent, along with the aftertaste of any Nazi uniform attire at parties. So, as well as vying for attention from their parents or monarchical grandparents, they must consider the ever-looming optics.

Of course, one monumental event that the brothers share, that not only defined their developments but may have inadvertently impacted their dynamic, is the loss of their beloved mother. 

In my clinical practice, I have assessed and treated dozens of unfortunate souls who have known this tragedy. It is more common than you might think; about five percent of young people lose a parent before reaching adulthood. 

This experience is associated with negative outcomes including anxiety, depression, prolonged grief reactions, negative effects on one’s self-image and self-confidence and even increased risk of suicide. 

In some cases, like in Harry’s, it can lead to substance abuse. He was only 12 years old when Diana, Princess of Wales, died in August 1997 in a car crash while being pursued by the press in Paris. In that same interview with Oprah, he admitted that the trauma led him to use alcohol and drugs to mask his emotions and to ‘feel less like I was feeling’.

Of some significance to me, he also informed Oprah that his family did not speak about Diana’s death and expected him to deal with the resulting press attention and mental distress. Harry told Winfrey that the trauma of the loss caused him to suffer anxiety

and severe panic attacks from ages 28 to 32. It is utterly heart-breaking to hear that any child, let alone one of the most famous, scrutinised and judged 12-year-olds in the country, feeling he was not offered emotional support in his time of need. 

It seems that he was also encouraged to not express his thoughts or feelings. I imagine this whole scenario would have fuelled a sense of isolation and alienation amongst his own family. 

It probably would’ve left him with the undeniable bitter tastes of being left unsafe, unsupported and insecure. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that this might have sowed the seeds of Harry perceiving himself as a target and ready to take on the role of the victim in later life.

As I stroke my proverbial mandatory psychiatrist’s beard, I cannot ignore that William suffered the same trauma, yet it appears to have had a very different experience. 

He has never made assertions of the Royal family being unsupportive. Was he treated with more reverence as the older brother and future king? Did his naturally sober and stoic composure not necessitate any care? Or perhaps he did have the same experience but would never betray the family by speaking ill of it.

Another huge factor within any potential sibling rivalry and the dynamics of the princes are their individual personalities. Chalk and cheese. 

They conveniently fit the trope that firstborns bask in their parents’ approval and tend to be reliable and conscientious, whilst younger children are usually free-spirited, though a little self-centred, probably due to their parents’ increasingly laissez-faire attitude. 

William is certainly more dour, introspective and introverted. With a countenance inherited from his father, there’s always been something patient, reserved and… princely about him. Harry is more impulsive and passionate. He clearly wears his heart on his sleeve. 

There is a warmness and cheekiness about him, that screams of edgy jokes and banter when the cameras are off, no doubt sharpened by his many years in the military. 

Perhaps he feels stifled by the omnipotent presence of the media, not fully allowing him to let his hair (only slightly less balding than his older brother, hirsutism has been neither’s friend) down. 

It is likely that their personalities are influenced by their anticipated futures. William must be measured and solemn as the future monarch. Whereas Harry… his role has never quite been defined. 

Perhaps this is why the natural extrovert has felt the compulsion to carve his own niche in the media, with numerous interviews, and his own podcast. I suspect his narcissistic tendencies command him to use his status and experiences to gain attention.

Which brings us nicely to the most recent controversy. Whereas as young children battling through a sibling rivalry might tell on each other or wait until their parents aren’t looking to punch their brother in the arm in the back of the car (or horse-drawn carriage or private jet, I’m not sure what the conventional Royal mode of transport is), as they get older conflicts are much more emotive and manipulative. 

It isn’t unusual for adults to attack each other vicariously through family members. It is quite unusual for them to do it through a Netflix Docu-series.

In Harry and Meghan’s no-holds-barred series, we have already seen the prince accuse the royals of having a ‘huge level of unconscious bias’ and Meghan saying the media wanted to ‘destroy’ her. 

Harry clearly feels that the royals have been more caring and accepting towards William and Kate. He has spoken of undertones of racism (let’s not mention Nazi uniforms). 

William probably thinks these are conversations to be had behind closed doors, if at all. Harry probably feels that previous attempts to address grievances have been thwarted and brushed under the Royal rug.

The plot thickens. At the time of writing this, Harry and Meghan have fired new shots across the bow at William and the Royal Family in an explosive trailer for the Netflix series. 

‘They were happy to lie to protect my brother. They were never willing to tell the truth to protect us,’ he says, pushing their collective drama even closer to soap opera territory. 

It is, as yet, unclear who Harry was referring to by ‘they’ and what he accused them of ‘lying’ about. Regardless of the specific context, to me this tells us quite a lot about Harry’s intentions. 

It once again indicates his perception of being mistreated, ostracised and of perceived favouritism towards the future king. It also says that the gloves are off. Once again, his willingness to speak his mind overrides any potential damage that his acerbic words may do to the relationship with his brother.

According to mutual undisclosed friends of the princes, William is ‘unlikely’ to make up with Harry after Netflix series. 

He is apparently incensed at the way that the Queen had to put up with criticism during the final months of her life. It is fascinating to see the two different viewpoints of what this Docu-series represents. 

Harry finally feels vindicated in speaking the truth, after feeling that he was bullied and silenced. William, a notoriously private man, feels his brother is airing out the Royal family’s dirty laundry. Personally, each perspective makes sense to me from the eye of each beholder.

Although it is a dilemma I’ve never faced, I imagine it is probably difficult to buy presents for a prince. That’s one less worry for each of the brothers, as they reportedly will be ‘exchanging Christmas presents for their children but not for each other’ following these Netflix revelations.

To conclude, it has been almost 3 years since the Duke and Duchess of Sussex announced that they will step back as senior royals and work to (ahem, apparently) become financially independent. 

This Netflix series with its criticisms of the perceived Royals’ favouritism towards William and Kate, treatment of Meghan and undertones of unconscious bias (which I think is the nicest way of saying racism) will widen the rift between our princes. 

It will damage the public perception of the monarchy and might even destabilise it (although a certain non-sweating prince with very nefarious acquaintances deserves an honourable mention here). 

Numerous disparate factors are likely to have driven Harry towards this path of destruction. A sense of being alienated and shunned by his own family; initiated by a lack of support and security after his mother’s death leading to significant mental health issues and amplified by the conduct towards his spouse. 

His natural personality; fun, mischievous, though perhaps a little egotistical and self-pitying, leaving him primed to play the victim. 

Throw in his wrath towards the press and even his birth order, and we have a volatile concoction. Nevertheless, this psychiatrist believes that sibling rivalry has its tentacles behind the prickly emotions and conflicts from both princes and is a major ingredient of any future destabilisation of the monarchy.