Prince Harry says he ‘smothers’ his children with love when discussing the royals’ lack of hugging

Prince Harry has discussed how he ‘smothers’ his children with ‘love and affection’ during an interview with trauma expert Dr Gabor Maté.

The Duke of Sussex, 38, fielded questions from Dr Maté as they shared an ‘intimate conversation’ about ‘living with loss and personal healing’ this evening. 

During the chat, the pair discussed the impact of the Royal Family’s ‘multi-generational’ lack of physical contact and hugging.

Dr Maté referenced the passage in Spare in which Harry discussed being told about his mother’s death by his father, the then-Prince Charles.

He said: ‘When I read that passage in the book, where you find out about your mother’s death [in the early hours of the morning]…you’re alone in your room. 

‘And your father comes in to tell you the news. He touches you on the knee, I think in an encouraging fashion, and says it’s going to be okay, and walks out, and you’re left on your own. 

‘And what struck me in that passage, as in so many other passages in the book, is the lack of touching, the lack of a child being held.

‘How at some point, you wanted to hug your grandmother, and you held yourself back because it wasn’t done.’

Dr Maté described the lack of touching as ‘multi-generational’, referencing another passage about Prince Charles as a child interacting with his mother, the Queen.

He said: ‘Then you describe your dad, age five, Queen Elizabeth goes on a long royal tour. And when she comes back, she greets her five year old son by shaking his hand. 

‘So what is it about the lack of holding and touching and cuddling in his family – and it’s obviously multi-generational – and how do you think that affects a young child now that you are a father yourself?’ 

In response, the prince joked: ‘Well you’re the professional, you can tell me.’

He continued: ‘It leaves me in position now, as a father to two kids of my own, making sure that I smother them with love and affection. 

During the conversation, Harry opened up about how he ‘smothers’ his children Archie and Lilibet with love and affection, after he felt affected by the Royal Family’s lack of physical affection (pictured L-R: Prince Harry, Archie, Meghan and Lilibet, pictured for the Sussexes’ 2021 Christmas card)

‘Not smother them to the point where they’re trying to get away…But in the sense that…as a father, [I] feel a huge responsibility to ensure that I don’t pass on any traumas…or any negative experiences that I had as a kid or as a man growing up.

‘And that’s putting in the work, and that’s daily being conscious of my behaviour and my reactions to both of my kids.’

He added that if he did not hug his own children, it would have a ‘similar’ impact on them as to what he experienced growing up 

During the conversation, the pair referenced a number of other topics, including how Harry had always felt ‘different’ to the rest of his family.

He told Dr Maté: ‘I felt slightly different to the rest of my family. I felt strange being in this container, and I know that my mum felt the same so it makes sense to me.’  

Dr Maté also told Harry he could see ‘a lot of trauma’ in his childhood despite being ‘a scion of one of the richest families in the world, gilded with power and privilege.

Prince Harry (pictured, left) spoke with trauma expert Dr Gabor Maté (pictured, right) during this evening’s interview

Harry said he had tried to make life better for his children by providing them with a different upbringing.

‘We only know what we know, and for myself and my wife we do the best we can as parents – learning from our own past and overlapping those mistakes, perhaps, and growing… to break that cycle,’ he said.

‘You certainly don’t make friends in the process, in the short term.’

Discussing his wife Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, 41, Harry said: ‘People have said that my wife saved me, I was stuck in this world and she was from a different world and helped draw me out of that,’ he said.

‘But none of the elements of my life would have been possible without me seeing it for myself. My partner is an exceptional human being and I am grateful of the space that she’s given to me.’