Psychiatrist reveals the 5 ways that having ADHD can affect your love life

A forensic psychiatrist has revealed five ways in which having ADHD can affect romantic relationships.

Dr Sohom Das, who also runs YouTube channel A Psych for Sore Minds, where he shares content about mental health conditions, described in a recent clip how some of the symptoms of the condition can cause frictions between partners.

The doctor, from London, labelled Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) as ‘challenging […] to manage for people that have it’, and suggested it is like trying to ‘herd cats,’ when those cats are your thoughts.

Before listing five reasons the having the condition can affect partnerships, he said: ‘When it comes to relationships, it can truly wreck havoc.’

Here, FEMAIL explores the ways in which ADHD may be affecting your love life, according to the expert.

Dr Sohom Das (pictured) is a forensic psychiatrist and content creator from London. His YouTube channel is called A Psych for Sore Minds

1. People with ADHD can be chronically late

According to Dr Das: ‘The number one method of ADHD damaging a romantic relationship is the annoying, always late, awkward antics.

‘Imagine you’re planning a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant for your anniversary… only to have your partner show up late. He’s still buttoning his shirt and he’s apologising profusely.’

In addition, Dr Das said: ‘ADHD includes inattentiveness. So he’s still got some wax on his lips and some toothpaste in his hair…

‘So having a short attention span and being easily distracted means that you might be unable to stick to tasks, particularly that you find them tedious or time consuming.

‘So people with ADHD might struggle to prioritise tasks, to meet deadlines or to make appointments, such as dates in fancy restaurants.’

The problem with this is that having ADHD can also affect the affected person’s ability ‘to be like that reliable and dependable individual, which is necessary for a healthy partnership’, and this can ‘lead to feelings of frustration and resentment from their partners’.

Dr Das summed up it as ‘like trying to synchronise two different clocks that are running on different time zones’.

2. People with ADHD can hyperfocus on the ‘wrong’ thing

If someone has ADHD, some of the symptoms can cause major problems in relationships, according to Dr Sohom Das (stock image)

The psychiatrist described hyperfocus, which is a facet of the condition, as a ‘hideous, horrid hijinks’.

‘[Someone with] ADHD can get hyper focused on a particular task or interest. But the problem is, it is at the exclusion of everything else, and this can lead to challenging situations in relationships,’ he said.

‘For example, you’re driving [to] a family picnic. Your girlfriend’s in the front seat, and you want to discuss your future together. Perhaps even start talking about moving in together next year.

HOW DOES ADHD AFFECT ADULTS?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a condition that affects people’s behaviour. People with ADHD can seem restless, may have trouble concentrating and may act on impulse.

Symptoms of ADHD tend to be noticed at an early age and may become more noticeable when a child’s circumstances change, such as when they start school.

Most cases are diagnosed when children are under 12 years old, but sometimes it’s diagnosed later in childhood.

Sometimes ADHD was not recognised when someone was a child, and they are diagnosed later as an adult.

The symptoms of ADHD may improve with age, but many adults who were diagnosed with the condition at a young age continue to experience problems.

People with ADHD may also have additional problems, such as sleep and anxiety disorders.

Many children go through phases where they’re restless or inattentive. This does not necessarily mean they have ADHD.

It’s a good idea to speak to a GP if you’re an adult and think you may have ADHD, but were not diagnosed with the condition as a child.

The exact cause of ADHD is unknown, but the condition has been shown to run in families.

Research has also identified a number of possible differences in the brains of people with ADHD when compared with those without the condition.

ADHD can occur in people of any intellectual ability, although it’s more common in people with learning difficulties.

For adults with ADHD, medicine is often the first treatment offered, although psychological therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) may also help.

Adults with ADHD may find they have problems with:

-Organisation and time management

-Following instructions

-Focusing and completing tasks

-Coping with stress

-Feeling restless or impatient

-Impulsiveness and risk taking

-Some adults may also have issues with relationships or social interaction.

Source: NHS

‘Maybe you’re even considering a pre engagement commitment ring, and you can see her squirming with excitement from the corner of your eye, then you look across to see she’s just scored over 500 points on [a game] on her phone.’

He continued: ‘So ADHD involves being unable to concentrate on tasks, but conversely, it also involves being hyper focused on a particular task, and this happens accidentally, and being oblivious to your surroundings. [And] this can contribute to communication breakdowns, obviously.

‘So difficulty staying focused can lead to not just miscommunications, but misunderstanding. So it can also lead to feelings of the partner being neglected are unimportant, so they may feel that they’re being frequently overlooked due to the partner’s inability to stay focused.’

Dr Das explained how ‘frequent lapses in attention can be frustrating for the partner, leading to some resentment and ultimately, some tension’.

3. Having ADHD can make a person impulsive

‘The [third way] ADHD can damage a relationship is [via] incredibly embarrassing, inept, impulsive incidents,’ Dr Das said in the video.

‘Having ADHD makes it difficult to control impulses, and this can sometimes lead to embarrassing situation scenarios in relationships.’

He continued: ‘ADHD includes impulsivity, which is acting without thinking and not considering the consequences of your actions.

‘Not so much a big deal if only affects you, but possibly a bigger deal if it affects you and your partner as well.’

4. People with ADHD can have ‘erratic emotional eruptions’

The forensic psychiatrist explained the fourth way he sees ADHD as being damaging to romantic relationships – and that is what he describes as ‘extremely erratic emotional eruptions’.

He explained: ‘ADHD can make it difficult to regulate emotions, leading to sudden mood swings and outbursts. So one minute, your partner’s laughing hysterically and the next they’re sulking in a corner.

‘So that makes it difficult to maintain stable and consistent emotions. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and uncertainty in their partners, and this can be exhausting, confusing for anybody in a relationship.’

He added: ‘Individuals with ADHD might become easily frustrated or annoyed. That can lead to outbursts. It can lead to arguments, it can create tension and an uncomfortable atmosphere, so that makes it difficult to maintain a positive connection, and the partner might feel like it’s their fault.’

5. People with ADHD can be ‘notoriously forgetful’

‘The fifth and final way that ADHD can damage a romantic relationship is the frightfully frustrating forgetful fails,’ he explained, which can lead to major agreements being forgotten, which can cause problems.

‘People with ADHD have a poor working memory,’ he explained. ‘They have trouble holding down information in their minds. They have difficulty staying focused.

‘ADHD makes it hard to concentrate on tasks, leading to distraction and lapses in attention. And also, on top of that, it might mean that the sufferer gets overwhelmed with amounts of data, meaning that it’s difficult for them to process and retain information, which is basically forgetfulness.’

Dr Sohom Das can be found on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, as well as YouTube.

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