A relationship expert has warned that Bill de Blasio and Chirlane McCray may struggle to find new partners because people won’t want to enter a ‘love triangle’ after the couple said they would continue to live together following their split.
The former New York City mayor-turned-Harvard educator, 62, and the 68-year-old announced their breakup on Wednesday – explaining that they would be separating and dating other people, but weren’t planning on divorcing.
The couple shared the news of their trial separation in a wide-ranging New York Times interview where they divulged a variety of reasons for their relationship crumbling – from the strain of overseeing America’s biggest city during COVID to Chirlane’s sexuality. She has previously revealed she identified as a lesbian.
Weighing in on the couple’s situation, relationship expert and award-winning dating coach Julie Spira has told DailyMail.com that de Blasio and McCray will need to set boundaries in place – including never bringing lovers to their shared home.
Bill de Blasio, 62, and wife Chirlane McCray, 68, announced their breakup on Wednesday. The couple pictured in 2022
They explained that they would be separating and dating other people, but weren’t planning on divorcing
The couple shared the news of their trial separation in a wide-ranging New York Times interview where they divulged a variety of reasons for their relationship crumbling
She added the couple also faced a tricky road ahead as potential partners may try to avoid their unique relationship dynamic over fears it would become complicated.
Spira shared that adapting boundaries and rules would be ‘critical’ as the couple began dating other people.
‘These rules would include not bringing a romantic interest into the family home, not providing updates and feedback on their dates or comparing notes, not publicly posting photos with a date, and how to handle the conversation when one decides to spend the night away from home,’ she told DailyMail.com.
Relationship expert Julie Spira has told DailyMail.com that they should avoid bringing home potential partners
The relationship expert noted that the conversations between the former mayor and his lesbian wife would be ‘tricky,’ especially when one partner finds another lover while the other is still single.
She explained: ‘These conversations are delicate and tricky, especially when one finds someone special to date exclusively while the other is still going on a series of dates hoping to find a connection and isn’t seeing the same level of success while dating.’
And although the couple was adamant they would remain under the same roof, Spira said that this would most likely be ‘temporary.’
She revealed that dating others while living together would prove to have many obstacles, and may even cause one person to beg for ‘reconciliation.’
‘Staying in the home may be temporary as the couple explores their new lives while pursuing other romantic partners to date,’ Spira told DailyMail.com.
The dating coach revealed that their dynamic would prove to be difficult when they entered the dating world as potential lovers would be scared off and even ask them to file for divorce.
Spira shared that adapting boundaries and rules would be ‘critical’ as the couple (shown in 2015) began dating other people
The relationship expert noted that the conversations between the former mayor and his lesbian wife would be ‘tricky,’ especially when one partner found another lover
And although the couple (pictured in 2010) is adamant they will remain under the same roof, Spira said that this would most likely be ‘temporary’
She said it isn’t ‘uncommon’ for a new partner to become ‘jealous’ and avoid getting involved altogether.
Spira revealed to DailyMail.com: ‘In the dating world, it’s natural for someone to ask their date who is separated if there’s any chance of reconciliation.
‘This includes inquiring if they’re still sleeping with their separated spouse and if they plan to divorce.
‘Jealous feelings could surface if someone new believes they could end up in a love triangle, which is not uncommon but is very uncomfortable.’
Although the arrangement between de Blasio and McCray is ‘amicable,’ it’s still a ‘work in progress.’
Spira explained that the couple would have to hash out specific details and boundaries if they wanted to remain friendly.
‘A separated couple living under the same roof must agree to a script and house rules to avoid uncomfortable feelings between each other and a new romantic partner,’ she said.
Spira explained that the couple would have to ‘agree to a script and house rules’ if they wanted to remain friendly
While announcing their split, the couple (shown in 2014) cited the pressures of the Manhattan-born former mayor’s responsibilities during his term, which ran from 2014 to 2021, and COVID
While announcing their split, the couple cited the pressures of the Manhattan-born former mayor’s responsibilities during his term, which ran from 2014 to 2021, and COVID.
‘Everything was this overwhelming schedule, this sort of series of tasks,’ de Blasio told The New York Times. ‘And that kind of took away a little bit of our soul.’
‘It made me emotionally very needy,’ he admitted, adding: ‘We were not as connected.’
McCray noted that the pressure of everything took a toll on their relationship, noting that she just wanted to ‘have fun.’
The couple – who were married in 1994 by two gay officiators, and who are parents to Chiara, 25, and Dante, 26 – shared that they would be dating other people, but McCray didn’t revealed whether she would be dating women now that she and de Blasio had split.
Spira noted that the de Blasio went into the marriage knowing about McCray’s sexuality, adding that the couple could have grown apart due to the political pressures, however, there is nothing to indicate her sexual orientation had anything to do with the fraying of their marriage.
De Blasio also discussed his anxieties about ‘being the guy who took the chance on a woman who was an out lesbian and wrote an article called “I Am A Lesbian.”‘
McCray identified as gay before they met and has never described her sexuality in any other way. She did describe de Blasio as her soulmate.
The couple (shown in 2020) – who were married in 1994 by two gay officiators – shared that they would be dating other people, but McCray hasn’t revealed whether she would be seeing women
According to the Times, the pair’s decision to separate came just two months ago when the former mayor asked his wife: ‘Why aren’t you lovey-dovey anymore?’
In the emotional 1979 essay, McCray wrote: ‘I survived the tears, the isolation and the feeling that something was terribly wrong with me for loving another woman.
‘Coming to terms with my life as a lesbian has been easier for me than it has been for many.
‘Since I don’t look or dress like the typical bulldagger (masculine lesbian), I have a choice as to whether my sexual preference is known.’
But when quizzed about her sexuality during a Facebook question-and-answer session hosted by the website Mic in 2015, McCray seemed unable to answer.
McCray wrote a 1979 essay titled ‘I Am A Lesbian’ and she has not redefined her sexuality since – though she described de Blasio as her soul mate
She was asked, ‘Are you still a lesbian?’ and she responded with an eye-roll, but did not give a verbal response.
De Blasio said he would often ruminate over her sexuality, asking himself: ‘Is this a time bomb ticking?’
But the couple’s choice to not divorce is nothing new.
Spira revealed that many couples choose to separate but refused to file for divorce to get the ‘tax benefits,’ and to avoid the ‘stigma of divorcing.’
She told DailyMail.com: ‘Many couples choose to separate while living in separate homes for financial reasons. Some issues couples face include the tax benefit of filing a joint tax return, the agony of dividing assets, or the fear of downsizing to a smaller home.
‘On the emotional side, religious reasons, the stigma of divorcing, having children living in the home, or the guilt of leaving their partner can result in a couple separating but not filing for divorce.’
And while she revealed this arrangement may have ‘short-term’ benefits, it may implode once someone ‘falls in love with someone new.’
Spira explained: ‘Dividing assets and households is painful. However, keeping the status quo can quickly implode when one falls in love with someone new.’
His question sparked a reconsideration of their relationship. The couple decided to split the very same evening
Despite their split, Blasio branded their relationship a ‘love story’ in a tweet
She said that the pressure to formally divorce would be amped up after a few years.
‘The pressure to divorce to be with an available man or woman will surface, and the separated couple must decide to remain legally married or dissolve the marriage to start anew with their new partner,’ Spira explained.
‘Having the necessary discussion on firming up the financial and living arrangements once one moves on can lead to much tension between all involved.’
In the past, other couples have attempted to separate but not officially file for divorce.
Most recently, it has been reported Real Housewives star Kyle Richards and husband Mauricio Umansky were separating after 27 years, but not divorcing.
Throughout their separation, they have continued to live together.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver were married for 25 years prior to their separation in 2011.
However, the advice of Spira proved to ring true as they divorced in 2021.
Although the pair have remained adamant that they are going to live together, the former NYC mayor was spotted leaving the couple’s Brooklyn family home and stepping into an Uber with a suitcase in hand this morning, shortly after they announced their split.
According to the Times, the pair’s decision to separate came just two months ago when the former mayor asked his wife: ‘Why aren’t you lovey-dovey anymore?’
His question sparked a reconsideration of their relationship. The couple decided to split the very same evening.
Despite their split, Blasio branded their relationship a ‘love story.’
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