He’s had to be both parents to his three children ever since his beloved wife died of breast cancer in 2015.
But Rio Ferdinand says the grief and horror he has been through in losing Rebecca Ellison when she was just 34 has actually led to him being ‘more loving’ towards Lorenz, Tate and little Tia.
The former footballer, 38 – whose girlfriend and former TOWIE star Kate Wright says she is quitting show business to focus on her new beau and his brood – said he’d always been a closed book when it comes to emotion – but that he treasures brief moments of happiness with his children more than he did before Rebecca passed away.
Tragic loss: Rio Ferdinand married Rebecca Ellison (above) in 2009, but she tragically passed away six years later from breast cancer, aged just 34 – and reveals he is ‘more loving’ towards their children after the tragedy
In the latest section of his upcoming autobiography shared with the Sun, Rio wrote: ‘I’ve had to be taught this stuff — but I’m learning. Slowly but surely, I’m learning.
‘The heartbreaking truth is that losing Rebecca has made me more loving. I can’t turn back the clock and show her more love, but I can try not to repeat the same mistakes with our children.’
The former England captain explained that he is now glad that he can show emotion more easily and openly than before Rebecca died.
He added: ‘Being able to cry makes me feel more alive, and for that I am profoundly grateful.’
Gone too soon: The former footballer, 38, said being able to cry ‘makes him feel more alive’ and ‘grateful’ about having his kids Lorenz, Tate and little Tia (all pictured)
Tragic: Mother of three Rebecca was first diagnosed in 2014, but a scan in 2015 revealed it had returned and spread to her bones. She died just five weeks later on May 1
Rio went on to describe how he worries most about his eldest child, Lorenz, 11, who is more insular than his younger siblings Tate, nine, and Tia, six.
Rebecca and Rio married in 2009 and she was first diagnosed with cancer in 2014.
She appeared to be free from the disease after treatment, but a scan early in 2015 revealed it had returned and spread to her bones.
Rebecca died just five weeks later on May 1.
Devastating: Rio said that now he treasures brief moments of happiness with his children (pictured ahead of World Book Day at school) more than he did before Rebecca passed away
Brave: Rio wore his wedding ring in a tribute to Rebecca while on holiday in Portugal in August
The former footballer produced a documentary earlier this year called Being Mum And Dad, which followed his journey through the grieving process alongside Lorenz, Tate and Tia.
Depicting his struggle to come to terms with her death on the documentary, Rio also admitted the filming process had been a type of ‘therapy’ for him.
He said at the end of the programme: ‘There’s a much clearer picture about going forward. Inside I’m opening up and breathing a little bit.
Relaxing: The former England captain holidayed with girlfriend Kate Wright (above) in August
‘I’m opening my mind to think about little moments we shared together, which I wasn’t capable of doing before. I can sit here now and comfortable say she’d be looking down and telling me “Well done, it’s all been worthwhile”.’
The sportsman confirmed his romance with reality star Kate Wright, 26, in July after weeks of swirling rumours they were an item.
The pair have since been spotted on a number of outings together, and spent a sun-soaked holiday in Portugal together in August with Rio’s family.
Quality time: Rio and Kate, 26, confirmed their romance in July
Speaking out: The former footballer produced a documentary earlier this year called Being Mum And Dad, which followed his journey through the grieving process