SAUCY SECRETS: I had the ‘perfect’ first date with a gorgeous man I met on an app… then I found out he’d told me a massive lie. What should I do?

Dear Jana,

I recently matched with a guy on a dating app who said he was 45. I’m 38, and my age range is set between 38 and 50, but even 50 is a stretch as I’m not keen to date anyone closer to my Dad’s age. 

We had a great time on our first date and there was a real spark but when he mentioned his upcoming birthday, and I said ‘so you will be turning 46’ he revealed he would actually be turning 54, not 46 as I thought. I must have looked shocked because, he apologized and explained that he had adjusted his age to widen his dating options.

He has since asked me on another date but I’m not sure whether I should go, despite our great chemistry. Can he be trusted after starting off with a lie? I feel like he tricked me into it.

Emma

Dear Emma,

You’ve touched on my pet hate: men who lie about their age. It’s just so ick! It feels desperate to chase a younger woman, and it’s all-around tragic. So, I would vote no to a second date.

However, it sounds like you had a marvellous time, which makes me hesitate to tell you to wave ta-ta to this guy. Chemistry is hard to come by, so if you’ve got it, you don’t want to ignore it. How about telling him that it’s strike one for the lying and that you’re certainly not impressed? But if he can promise to keep things open and honest from here on in, you might consider another date.

Yes, you’re giving him a bit of a tap on the knuckles, but you’re also setting a healthy boundary – and oh how we love a good boundary.

I’ve learned that sometimes our partners come in surprising packages – ones we didn’t have on our manifestation lists. In your case, a daddy!

So go have fun on that second date, and if worse comes to worst, you can always drop him off at his nursing home and have a good chuckle!

Dear Jana,

My workmate consistently has bad breath, and sometimes BO. He’s great at his job and has a wonderful personality, but he’s body odour makes it unbearable to talk to him, and I spend meetings holding my breath so I don’t suck in his sweaty stench. On a hot day the office reeks with his sweat. 

Everyone talks about it behind his back, but I would like to address it so he can fix it. He’s also constantly complaining about being single, and I think he would have more luck if he got his smells under control. How should I bring it up with him without hurting his feelings or getting stuck in a HR meeting?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

That sounds like my version of hell. The stench of halitosis mixed with sweaty body odors literally makes me gag, so my heart (and nostrils) go out to you.

You could try something I did a few years ago when faced with a co-worker who smelled of BO mixed with a hint of bourbon. I subtly handed him a bottle of deodorant (taken from my own drawer because I am a courteous co-worker who always comes prepared for those slightly sweaty days). I didn’t say anything, I just placed it in his hand. Yes, he looked mortified, but once he had given himself a good douse of it, he thanked me. Yes, thanked me.

Sometimes you don’t even need words to say, ‘Oy, mate, you stink’. Perhaps just place a toothbrush and some deodorant on his desk and walk away. He’ll get the message – no awkward chat required.

Alternatively, you could bring it up with your HR department, and they could have a quiet word with him. They are skilled at giving awkward chats, so why not let them handle it?

I think it’s just good manners to keep a toothbrush and deodorant at your workplace. Can we please normalise that?

Dear Jana,

Two years ago, I traded in my boring job in retail to work as a high-class escort after a customer hit me up and I got paid in cash. It’s given me financial freedom and a champagne lifestyle. I’ve managed to buy a house, build a healthy nest egg, and generally live the life. But there’s one thing missing, a decent man. 

As soon as I drop the escort bomb, they run for the hills. In 2024, is it really still such a deal-breaker? I’m proud of my work, and I’ve never shied away from sharing it, even with family. But I’m starting to wonder if discretion might be a better option. Any advice on navigating this dating minefield?

Candice

‘I’ve learned that sometimes our partners come in surprising packages – ones we didn’t have on our manifestation lists,’ Jana says 

Dear Candice,

Oh how I relate to your situation! Not in a ‘sell my body for money’ sense. Sadly, I tend to only be only sexually drawn to broke men. I joke. But as someone who also scares off men due to my job writing about sexy topics, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s like their penises shrivel up at the mere mention of a woman talking about the art of a good orgasm.

However, let’s take a moment to consider this dilemma your dates point of view. If I met the man of my dreams and he revealed that he sleeps with other women, I’d probably have a hard time sticking around. Like many people, I don’t enjoy sharing my toys!

So, I think you should explore the more open-minded, new-age market. Look for guys who embrace modern thinking, like a contemporary hippie vibe. Open relationships might be worth considering, especially since, while you see your work as a job, it does involve intimacy. A lot of it!

It’s marvellous that you own your job with pride, but unfortunately, some people will still have reservations. As frustrating as that is, it’s something we have to accept. Not everyone is as carefree and unreserved as we would like them to be.

Great guys come in all shapes and sizes, so perhaps being a little more flexible with your dating preferences could help.

And definitely avoid keeping your profession a secret; a relationship built on lies is bound to end in disaster. Have you never watched ‘Diary of a call girl’? Disaster.