They say politics is showbiz for ugly people but the politicians and journalists whooping it up at tonight’s Parliamentary Press Gallery Midwinter Ball might take issue with that.
Bill Clinton’s chief strategist Paul Begala was fond of the saying, but more recently Tom Hanks and Hugh Grant have used it to lament the state of politics in their own countries.
So what precisely is the annual Midwinter Ball in Canberra anyway?
Beyond cheap wine, bad food and invariably even worse speeches by the PM and Opposition Leader, it is all in the name of charity, which is one of the event’s few redeeming features.
Last year it raised more than $350,000 for various charities including Rural Aid Australia and the Ukraine Crisis Appeal. This year’s charities include the Salvation Army and ACT Pet Crisis Support.
I had assumed the international charitable flavour of the evening would continue this year, given the plight of Palestinians. Perhaps the organisers were worried that embracing the cause would stir up controversy.
Don’t suggest giving them statehood or you might incur the wrath of the Prime Minister.
Will Senator Fatima Payman be in attendance? She certainly won’t be sitting on Anthony Albanese’s table that’s for sure.
The highlight of the night is usually the arrivals in the parliamentary foyer. It is all downhill after that.
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese with his now-fiancé Jodie Haydon arrive at the Midwinter Ball last year
The Greens have used their outfits to protest various causes (above, Sarah Hanson-Young in 2022). Will they do similar this year when it comes to the Palestinian cause?
For political nerds uninterested in what fashion labels the politicians might choose to wear, the Greens’ decision a few years back to politicise their outfits generated a new sort of attention.
In 2022 Senator Sarah Hanson-Young and Greens leader Adam Bandt’s partner, Claudia Perkins, wore dresses emblazoned with slogans about cutting fossil fuels. You can’t buy publicity like that.
Will the Greens do something similar this year when it comes to the Palestinian cause?
Will the Treasurer’s wife wear another Carla Zampatti dress to go with the one she wore to her husband’s budget speech this year? Or the same one, given the cost-of-living crisis at hand?
Between them, Team Chalmers will receive more than $9,000 in tax cuts this financial year, so why not upgrade to Scanlan Theodore?
The ball is usually held in June rather than July, perhaps because the organisers don’t want it to clash with Dry July. Barnaby Joyce is doing Dry July every month these days, so he’ll have to stick to the waters.
Surrounded by all manner of politicians and corporates, the PM and the Opposition Leader take turns trying to be humorous with their speeches. Choosing to be self-deprecating is how politicians sometimes achieve small moments of laughter without offending anyone.
Even so, I would be surprised if Albo manages to resist poking some nuclear fun at Peter Dutton tonight.
In years gone by, the remarks by the leaders were always considered off the record. That all changed after legendary Channel Nine Political Editor Laurie Oakes started reporting on what was said.
He found a loophole: get someone at the event to send him the details of what was said and don’t attend yourself.
That way the great man wasn’t bound by the off-the-record rules. It means he also didn’t have to endure the event.
Every day is Dry July for former Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce. Above, at last year’s Midwinter Ball with now-wife Vikki Campion
Legendary former Channel Nine political editor Laurie Oakes frustrated politicians by reporting what was said at the ball, even though it was off-the-record, by finding a loophole in the rules
Of course, now that the speeches are on the record they are measurably less funny. Last year’s highlight was comedian Mark Humphries, someone who actually knows how to make you laugh.
The Great Hall at Parliament House is packed to the rafters with a mix of corporates (paying through the nose to be there) and politicians (invited free of charge to join various corporate and media tables). Surrounded by journalists of course.
The website spruiking the ball doesn’t shy away from corporates buying their way to access and influence on the night: ‘It is always a memorable night full of entertainment and networking opportunities,’ it declares.
Beyond bending the ear of ministers and shadow ministers, the main aim of the corporates in attendance is not to make themselves the story, by drinking too much or getting too loud.
The low quality of the wine on hand helps with that.
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