Therapist reveals three main characteristics of codependent people

A psychologist has shared the three main characteristics of codependency, including neglecting yourself and not being able to see yourself clearly.

London-based therapist Abby Rawlinson regularly shares information about mental health topics with her some 120,000 followers on Instagram.

In a recent post, she discussed codependency, including what the terms actually means, and how you can recognise codependent behaviour. 

Abby wrote: ‘The term codependent is tossed around a lot these days, but what does it actually mean?

‘Well, the truth is, it’s complicated! There is no single, clear definition agreed upon by experts.

‘In its simplest terms, a codependent relationship is when one partner needs the other partner, who in turn, needs to be needed.’

She added that the codependent’s self-esteem and self-worth ‘will come only from sacrificing themselves for their partner, who is only too glad to receive their sacrifices’.

Abby noted that the bond does not have to be romantic, and other relationships, such as those between parent and child, friends, and family members can be codependent. 

The therapist listed three major characteristics, which she said were based on the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

According to Abby’s post, the first is  putting responsibility in the wrong place.

She explained that ‘codependents see themselves as responsible for everyone else’s behaviours, but don’t take responsibility for their own’.

This can manifest in codependents taking care of others’ needs over their own, obsessing over and trying to control others’ behaviour, and believing they know best and getting angry when others don’t listen.

The second major characteristic of codependency that Abby listed in her post was neglecting themselves in favour of others.

She explained that because they focus on other people’s behaviour, ‘codependents struggle to take care of themselves or let others help them’.

This can be seen by codependents having low self-esteem and relying on others to boost self-worth through compliments,  having weak boundaries, and not being able to trust others or let them help.

Finally, the third characteristic listed by Abby was that codependents are unable to see themselves clearly.

‘Codependents have repressed their feelings, needs and personality for so long that they can’t receive help or take responsibility,’ the post explained.

The three ways this characteristic can manifest is repressing their feelings and losing sight of their personality, wants and needs, being able to understand or communicate what they really mean, and refusing to admit anything is wrong.

One commentator on the post said they could identify with some of the behaviour outline in the post.

They wrote: ‘I used to do this and still unlearning some. But now I also realize how many people do this!! It’s kind of sad!’

Another noted that the information was ‘too real’, writing: ‘Oh b***** hell. This is too real.’ 

 

According to some Instagram users, they could identify with the information shared by therapist Abby Rawlinson in her post